The Elf and Unicorn

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The Elf and Unicorn

come one come all to the lovely new upmarket swish wine bar the elf and unicorn ...

note the lovely curved ply tables and chairs ...

what a change it will make to discuss mythical beasts in such pleasant surroundings and also to boost the message count on this poor neglected forum ...

strider in snatches
Anonymous's picture
p'raps they have wandered off Martin? I suspect the establishment may have lasted longer had Taj the so-called bouncer been firmer with the impastas.
latecomer
Anonymous's picture
.......hello ? are you still serving then ?
martin_t
Anonymous's picture
there's no where to sit down
bucker of stars
Anonymous's picture
Is the refurbishment finished then? Didn't this used to be a bank or something? I've just moved back to the area after travelling web wild world. Are these sofas and coffee mugs the new style? Would you like a blueberry or cinnamon muffin?
martin_t
Anonymous's picture
*coughs louder*
mr_e
Anonymous's picture
Is there any live music ...like Elfis...he was a particular favourite of mine1
strider in snatches
Anonymous's picture
May I be the first to enter your premises young elfbone. I congratulate you on your most pleasant surroundings. Perhaps after a drink.... no wine list yet I notice...... I could interest you in my mythical beast? He's really quite armless. So long as he's kept in my pocketsessss.
strider in snatches
Anonymous's picture
Damn that talking horse! Snuck in when I wasn't looking. Some kind of neighhhhbour you turned out to be palomino.
IelfB
Anonymous's picture
absolutely NO live music ... as this is my own establishment i can ban musicians ..... hahahahahaha ...... now strider ... sorry no menu yet ... so will a bit of the house white do you for now?
mr_e
Anonymous's picture
Why the long face...! Sorry...v.old joke!
strider in snatches
Anonymous's picture
Better give the bit to the horse IelfB and I'll have the rest. Mr E? did you know you left your injun running outside?
robert
Anonymous's picture
usual please, and a perrier and a peanut for the little lady
IFB
Anonymous's picture
awwwwww how sweet robert ... you brought your daughter!
A Spokesman
Anonymous's picture
We, the residents of the 'Getting Published' Forum heartily welcome the Ivy League of Gentlemen and Ladies to our humble neighbourhood. We sincerely hope that property prices will soar due to our imminent gentrification.
newcomer
Anonymous's picture
"Serving!" "We are overflowing with it!" "Try the new place down the road mate!" "Time gentlemen please!" The water on the knees of Mother Brown evapourates. The uzipped strings of the old Joanna pipe the automatic music of since gone days of trad rags. "Time gentlemen please!" "Serving, ha!"
IFB
Anonymous's picture
thank you for the warm welcome ... and robert .. would your daughter like a nice straw in that perrier?
robert
Anonymous's picture
i'll have you know...dah just give us another pint of elfmeiseter
IFB
Anonymous's picture
so ... about the cherry famine robert ... what is your theory?
robert
Anonymous's picture
hmmmm...i don't think that elves are capable of theft, but they are very benevolent...could they be re-distributing the cherries, perhaps?
IFB
Anonymous's picture
... giving them to the needy in a series of charitable acts you mean? .... i hardly think it is likely ... elves are selfish and poisonous creatures in my reckoning ...
strider in snatches
Anonymous's picture
Ho Hum Boo Biggle Bumderole Here I come for my profiterole You say there is a cherry famdirole? Just have to have a pint of lager then please luv.
A disgruntled elf
Anonymous's picture
We are not so too poisonous and selfish (don't get confused because selfish has got the word elf in it). Some of us are nice. To prove it, can I buy anyone a drink?
IFB
Anonymous's picture
..... ahh ... the customer is always right ... ouzo for me and make it a large one ...
A disgruntled elf
Anonymous's picture
no probs. One large ouzo for you. Do you do cocktails here?
IFB
Anonymous's picture
ooooooooh loadsa cocktails ... whatever you like elfish one ... (note to patrons: see what being nice to elves does? ... cherry famine now over ... it's official!)
gruntled elf
Anonymous's picture
How about a honey mead margarita then?
IFB
Anonymous's picture
help yers elf ... i am too pissed to care ....
wolfgirl
Anonymous's picture
If an artist comes to the bar and notices a mythical creature pulling up a bar stool next to him, he could honestly think that it might be a pigment of his imagination. Sorry. It's my only contribution but socially, I don't get out much.
IFB
Anonymous's picture
hahahahaha .... haha ..... ha ... wolfie have another drink ...
W H Audenary
Anonymous's picture
Ivy, dear, sorry I'm late but I've just been down to the Bookies. I could Mordor a pint of Scouring of the Shire cider.
IFB
Anonymous's picture
coming right up WH pal ... hey did you put that bet on for me?
WHA
Anonymous's picture
Yes, a fiver on Sunbeam in the Grand Irrational. I reckon you can spot a winner a mile of.
WHA
Anonymous's picture
I meant ' a winer a mile off'
martin_t
Anonymous's picture
i came in here to get a rest from this spamming fuckwit anyone serving? i need a drink....
IFB
Anonymous's picture
you know WH ... i am not really cut out for this serving malarkey ... i am much better off on the other side of the bar with a fag in a long ivory holder ... long black gloves ... you know the sort of thing ... so was thinking of getting some staff ... what do you reckon ... what were the odds on sunbeam by the way?
WHA
Anonymous's picture
VERY ODD Sorry about the slip of the tongue earlier. I find I do that a lot these days. I took the early senility option when I bought my pension. I wrote a poem about that chap who invented it. I think I have the scrap of paper I wrote it on right here… yes - 'Lines to the Memory of Alois Alzheimer (1864 to er, what was it now…
IFB
Anonymous's picture
*drafting job ad* zero pay ... terrible conditions ... errrm ... poets need not apply ... anything i've missed?
Auto Cad
Anonymous's picture
the compulsory lobotomy, Ivory.
w1ldrover
Anonymous's picture
I've finally burnt my guitar in an effort to be accepted in the finer drinking establishments ... but can't help bursting into song at the drop of a hat.... so please - keep a firm grip on your hats folks ...he he
IFB
Anonymous's picture
*ties hat on with string*
W H Audenary
Anonymous's picture
Mmm... is that what passes for fashion these days?
iFB
Anonymous's picture
would you know WH ... i have no idea ... i have no dealings with fashion ... i prefer style ... so much more timeless ...
wolfgirl
Anonymous's picture
My bedroom used to resemble a sty. I once had a stye in my eye. However, how in the 'L' do I get some style?
iFB
Anonymous's picture
i don't think it is something you can GET ... i think you just HAVE it ...
common as muck
Anonymous's picture
Oh dear. I thought it was something you could order from the Argos catalogue. Oh well, if you've never had it, you can't miss it. Now that Wolfie, her at the big house, she such a stylish miss. Modest too. I could learn a lot from her.
robert
Anonymous's picture
the littlewoods catalogue has a style section
common as muck ...
Anonymous's picture
Oooh ta luv. I always thought that Littlewoods was a little too upmarket for me. I was only telling Lily the other day, when I asked her for an opinion on me piles. Still, thanks for the tip. By the way, it's a queer pub this one. Funny shade of green that little man over there. Oooooooh, and that one. Don't think I'll try the food in here.
Taj Hayer
Anonymous's picture
Does this establishment require a bouncer? If so, I'd like to put my name forward. I've got an advanced bouncing diploma from Bradford and Ilkley College; as a result I am qualified for both the Yorkshire "if yer not on t' list yer can't come in" and the Cockney "wotcher fink you plaaaaying at sunshine". I also have a GCSE in strong-arming.
IFB
Anonymous's picture
*rather thrilled* i am prepared to consider you for the post ... please let me know immediately of your vital statistics and send a photo ...
martin_t
Anonymous's picture
*knocks*.......room for a little one ?

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