Cat food

A dolphin will not fetch a stick either. Dolphins are highly intelligent. Point proven. (Sits stroking cat in Dr No mode, whilst cackling softly to herself). Oh and cats are wonderful for writers; they narrow their eyes, jump up onto your lap and emit that wonderful buzzing sound from their throats as you create your masterpiece. A dog will bark, jump up, ask for a walk, chew things, bring you a sock. They are distracting but a cat helps a writer to focus.

My dog curls around the foot of my chair as opposed to shitting underneath it, and pigs (the most intelligent species next to humans) will fetch sticks. :o)

Thank you Neil. Two paragraphs that support dog ownership. the first highlights one of the many reasons why dogs are better than cats very clearly. The second is a shining example of the kind of transparent nonsense that cat owners will come up with to explain why they'd rather be treated with disdain by an animal not bright enough to have real thoughts about anything but itself and then needs a nap to recover from the exhaustion it's own importance than be loved by an intelligent and caring companion in the truest sense of the word. Dangerous protectors? Dangerous to attackers yes. what would be the point of harmless ones?

And they quite often sit on the keyboard and write something a lot better than I can.

My cat has never @!#$ beneath my chair. The very thought! Damn your pig argument (knows she has been defeated in debate). Cats are cleaner. They spend ages cleaning their own bottoms....if only friends could be so thoughtful....

dogs have owners, cats have staff.

I ignored my tortoiseshell the other day, even though she sat directly in front of the monitor looking at me lovingly, pleadingly. The next day i found a half a mouse on my chair, so i've deducted that she's sciclian and we all know all things Italian are beautiful. Pigs sleep in their own poo don't they as well as eat it?

Awwww....the mouse was a gift. She saved half for you. And pigs only sleep in their own poo because thats how humans force them to live. Dogs, however, will eat everyone elses poo and roll in their own willingly. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Dogs eat the poo of their human babiess, because they dont want predators to find it and kill them. Its sweet.... not when i am chasing around the garden collecting bits of mangled nappy though.

Well, I like cats. We had cats when I was a kid and never had a problem with fleas. There's an interesting book by Desmond Morris (the Naked Ape guy) about cats and their behavior. Most of these things are explained, but I forget the answers. The water thing has to do with the chlorine that is in tap water, though, I remember that one. I've always found dogs to be annoying and a bit scary. I'm never too sure when one of them is going to go ballistic and attack for no reason, much like a postal worker in the US (hence the term 'going postal.')

When I had a cat, it used to bring me in worms and lay them carefully on the floor for me, and give me a look. And of course you have to say thank you. But I never ate them.

My cats are always sick on Whiskas and they turn up their little black noses at anything fresh that I lovingly put in their bowls. It has to be horse and it has to be in a tin. I think that like your cats Flash, my cats are white trash in black fur. The shame.

yeah, right cats are real clever compared to dogs. dogs don't climb things and stay there because they can't figure out how to get down. Cats are so dumb they need nine lives to make up for their stupidity. A dog retrieves a stick because he wants to play, to interact, it loves you. A cat will sit on your paper/keyboard and stare at you regardless of any attempt at communication. If a dog is in the wrong place you can actually SPEAK to it and it will not only understand but get up and move! I see no guide cats, or guard cats for that matter. And if an axe wielding maniac came into my house with a bit of fluff on a string as a destraction he wouldn't get very far. Yeah dogs are stupid, cats are clever and pigs are pilots.

flea vehicles...

i have a long held grudge against cats since my boyfriend's cat weed on my clothes a while back .... now i am sitting back in a tiny bubble of satisfaction as the cat has infested the house with fleas and has a Lifetime Ban ... white trash in black fur made me hoot with laughter wolfie ... i think its the best title i have heard for ages ...

Liana really....any ancient Egyptian who is passing will be shaking their glossy black locks at your comment.... Now dogs are flea vehicles....

My beast is exactly the same. Give it the cheapest @!#$ there is and it wolfs it down (sorry, Wolf). Turns its snotty nose up at anything fresh and expensive tins. Still look on the bright side, saves a few bob. Don't like cats much anyway. Only tolerated because it catches mice...

My dog doesnt have fleas... cats, scavenging at hedgehogs and dead birds, then traipsing all their mucky mini mates back in the house and all over your bed.... yuck.

Bloody poobum.

fussy eaters.... if theyre sooo fussy, why do they rip my bin bags open and have parties amongst a five day old chicken carcass?

Yes mine scrape their little paws on the floor like iv'e just fed them dog poo, then they refuse fresh water and then wander outside and drink out of a muddy puddle. Good for stress? i wonder. Turned their noses up at fresh salmon the other week, yes they must be trailer trash, that must be it.

Dogs are pack animals but cats aren't. If you can convince a dog that you're it's pack leader you can get it to do anything. British law recognises this and makes the owner responsible for dog misbehaviour but cats can do what they like. And you don't "own" a cat - if a neighbour treats your cat better than you do it will do a runner and become their cat! Cats are the pets for people who value independence and free choice and don't want to be surrounded by slobbering lackeys or dangerous "protectors". Though we did once have a rather nice golden retriever...

Liana, those crimes are perpetrated by marauding packs of flea-ridden, rabid, drooling, intellectually challenged hounds, not saintly, sensual and worshipped cats....

Wolfie. I think you know thats not true, dont you?

Now Liana, the only time a wolf lies is when he is going to sleep. I'm innocent, really I am....

I don't think my cat is old enough to be bothered. He's still on kitten food, which he seems to like well enough. He hasn't quite worked out how to get what he want yet though. When he eats all his food during the night, he decides that he must inform myself or my partner that this situation needs to be rectified. He doesn't do this by giving us a gentle nudge, or meowing imploringly. What he does is run straight upstairs, jump on the bottom of the bed then spring, ears back and tail whipping behind him, on either mine or partners face, clamping his limbs around your face and biting the top of head. If you wake up in time you see this cat face getting larger and larger the second before impact and get a chance to deflect him with the duvet, sending him up into the air rather like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, where he hangs contorted for a fraction of a second, before nashing back downstairs to begin the whole process again. Aw bless him.

There is nothing on earth like a cat's breath in the morning. It could peel the skin from your face clean away...

They are bloody good alarm clocks, if painful, the claw in the bottom lip is very successful they've found in getting my attention at 5am in the morning. The breath of a cat is something else, belongs to a lumpy canine rather than the aesthetically divine Feline in my opinion.

Ah, put them on to Iams for Adult cats and all problems will disapear! No more cat breath (has freshener in it), no more nicking your dinner off your plate when you go to get another beer (seems to put them off anything else), no more stinky canned food smells (odour free) and no more washing up cacked up food bowls while retching lastnight's curry and beer into the kitchen sink. Miracle food and they love it!

cat fleas live longer on himan blood and so will spread and bite humans, dog fleas can't digest it and don't recognise it as food so dog fleas will never be a problem in a house. As a student we had to get the council to come and disinfect our house (no surprises there) but it was down to a single cat from the street that had got in through an upper window. We were infested in days and it was awful. Stepping from the bath and walking across the carpet would mean twenty or so little swines jumping on. of course there's the higher level of companionship that dogs give; the higher intelligence; the ability to interact with/train dogs; the security element (ask any alarm salesman and he'll tell you a good guard dog is better than the most sophisticated alarm system in the world) blah blah blah etc etc.

Ours refuse the fesh water and drink out of a stagnant puddle outside. Bizarre. One throws op whiskas and the other refuses anything else. The one that throws it up won't stop eating it. I think they've just got very little brains. They're neurotic white trash in real fur coats.

Jesus. There's a lot going on in that line isn't there? > neurotic white trash in real fur coats That is very revealing. If you would allow me to repeat myself. What is wrong with being poor.?

saying that, one of my dogs was sick as a dog (fnar fnar) last night and left a pile of vomit the size of several portions of madras in the living room, mmmm smells lovely.

Well not having much money isn't too clever is it Stu? Narrows your options some what? Nothing wrong with poor people i just imagine they'd like a bit more cash. Did you find your tousers? There was a program about Magic on Sky the other night and how they do tricks, did you catch it by any chance?

I once witnessed a dog eat another dog's poo, now that is something a cat would never do. So much for their superior intelligence.

What's wrong with living in a trailer? What's wrong with living on a council estate? What's wrong with being trash? I did find my trousers; they were on to of Mark Brown's head. I don't have Sky.

Nothing Nothing ER........ OH! Pity

I prefer dogs to cats I hate the way cats are constantly under your feet & they are too fussy. My cat insisted on Sainsbury's ham, warmed in the microwave for 5 seconds exactly & a variety of cat food which he had to taste (with a spoon) before he decided which flavour to have. Talk about high maintenance

Ours love marmite and will only drink out of pint glasses so we've constantly got puddles on the kitchen floor.

all this cat indulgence really drives me mad ... sorry ... what on earth do you mean my cat will only x y or z ... it is like those people who have hideous indulged kids who rule the roost ... if your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband annouced they would only drink water out of a pint glass on the kitchen floor you would snort with derision and tell them to f.uck off ...

Unless it was a kinky sort of request... (blushes upon realising that she may have said too much)

wolfie! what's going on ... you really have the wind up your tail these days ... hahahhahah

drunk on life, that's me. School holidays with a child who never ever stops asking questions or getting the upper hand in arguments is making me a little crazy. Cats by comparision, despite their eccentricities, are undemanding as strawberry jam.....

i've tried telling my cats to F.uck off, but they just look at me with those adorable eyes.

You abuser, Flash. How could you look into those sweet marble orbs and use profanity. Shame on you!

I won't do it again honest. Gosh.

Now swearing at a daft dog while it wags its tail, that's another matter...

My dog doesnt have a tail (or fleas) (or a pram face)

Unlike Cats they don't understand humans.

or a brain, Liana. (Puts on flak jacket and hopes not to be run over by Liana's sports car face)