I don't get

I can't say that 'he's ginger, wears vests and is perfectly mannered' would get me to respond to a lonely hearts ad - though I'm sure he is very nice.

how about the fact he wear stripey briefs...would that clinch it?

Yes it would clinch it. It's a definite no.

Yeah, they usually happen when the woman in your life walks out the door and takes 'em with her.

<> I got one - it was called a 6 month diet :( Good to be able to eat ice-cream again, especially now Spring is here! The good news is that I hear there's a pill on the way.

Did someone mention trunk boxers?! yes! yes! YES!

I don't get Sci Fi: and do I want to?

They are the only acceptable choice, surely? Briefs smack of overweight men in Speedos and boxer shorts in the conventional style don't provide either comfort or visual pleasure. Trunks are the only way forward. At least men don't wear thongs - don't even get me started. Jude, do you have much success in fixing your friends up? That was a damning description of Patrick, who I'm sure is secretly lovely and wonderful.

yep, the old 'figure hugging' briefs are the only answer. they hold everything in place without diminishing your chances of fathering a child and they don't roll up your leg when you put your jeans on making ridges around your thighs like some kind of Elizabethan pantaloon. Emily, some men DO wear thongs and should be shot on sight. Vests? I love them, I thought they were coming back in fashion what with the likes of Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Vin Diesel and Mr. Beckham wearing them all the time. they're great as they make you look buff and hide your man boobs/beer belly/naval cellulite in Summer. Hitch, you have a point about our first half but that's why I get so mystified about the away goal rule, it just seems to go against the idea of earning a victory and, what if THEY score first? They'll just clam up like an oyster and keep us out for the rest of the game knowing full well that they'll go through even though they've only scored the same number of goals as us! great game to watch eh?

I can't let this pass. There's only one thing that hides man boobs and that's an astronaut suit. Perhaps there is reason to send a settlement to Mars after all...

that's only because they become 'pecs' again in weightlessness, it's not the suit, it's the loss of gravity. I hear it's good for topless photoshoots for the over forties too.

I don't get rimming or tossing the salad or whatever people call licking someones arsehole! Who was the first person to do this and publicize it Guy 1: what you do last night Guy 2: Oh dude, I was with Marcy last night and I licked her butthole till it was shining like a diamond. Guy 1: AWESOME!!!! I'm going to try that Guy 2: its the best man, the best! Me sitting at opposite table: ***insert puking face here***

ok

(that's only because they become 'pecs' again in weightlessness, it's not the suit, it's the loss of gravity. I hear it's good for topless photoshoots for the over forties too.) Settlements of wrinklies on Mars?

not just your 'ars, all our 'arses get wrinkly

Does outer space give you added inches bn your manhood? How about starting an internet rumour... We see spam on emails on this effect in no time... Of course if it were to have the reciprocal effect on the ladeezzz, perhaps not so good. *Still laughing/squirming at the polished butt hole comment*

God my posts are getting atrociously careless... Does outer space give you added inches on your manhood? How about starting an internet rumour... We should see spam on emails on this effect in no time... Of course if it were to have the reciprocal effect on the ladeeezzz, perhaps not so good. *Still laughing/squirming at the polished arsehole comment* Spot the difference.

Yeah, I'm quite tired of the away goals thing too. I just can't see why a 1-0 home result should be superior to a 2-1 home result, not to that extent anyhow. The balance slips far too much. I think in the knockout stage, it would make sense to simply have extra time and penalties if the score is level. The other thing I hate about it is commentators saying time after time after time "away goals count double." No they don't. If the first leg is nil nil and then the score is 5-3, the away side don't end up winning 5-6 'because away goals count double'. They were fine back in the days when sides were very cautious when playing away in European ties, making for dull games; but it seems now to penalise the team playing at home. And if you happen to be drawn in the home tie first, there's a massive disadvantage - you can't attack in case you get hit by an away goal, yet you have to have something to take into the second leg. Whereas the other side have nothing to lose by attacking you, and can tailor their 'home' style according to the score from game one. The worst has to be Inter Milan going out to AC Milan last year on away goals, even though both matches were played at the San Siro and it was purely arbitrary as to which was 'home' and which 'away' Hope Liverpool go through, but it seems to depend on Stevie being fit. Maybe if Alonso plays in the second half. The best summary I've read about the first leg and the away goals rule was a Liverpool supporter saying "How come our best performance and best result of the season ends up feeling like we got beat?" And that can't be right. Liverpool ought to be celebrating beating Juve 2-1, but because of the slant for away goals it is probably a better result for Juve than them, and probably a better result for Juve than 0-0.

oh and I just don't get Ken Livingstone. Why voters WHY??

Ken likes newts that's why. Sex: Most men rave about it especially if they are not getting it. Women? Beyond me. All you see in the press is stories about 'most' women not getting enough from their men. I suspect they are lying since 'most' men are up for it 'most' of the time. As for me, I don't get celebrity status. (betcha my third para draws most response, if any)

golly gosh- what diversity. Of course I disagree on the pope, prospective nun, kebab and Church issues but am very much in agreement with micro sausages and the charlatans. Most impressive though is George's "That there HAS to be a meaning to life." statement. I think he might be a REAL atheist (which is actually a very difficult and quite cool thing to be) rather than just another fake one! I don't get HP sauce - or at least can think of absolutely no food type which it compliments.

Oh and Liana, I am actually going to officially adopt your Maths statement as personal policy!

Which way is up? I used to be in the 3rd Paras too. Rave, rave, rave against the dying of delight. [%sig%]

Most men rave about it if they're not getting it. Fuckin' wrong, brainstormy. Some people have higher sex drives than others. The libido's the strongest natural drive, but it varies like any other drive. I've got a helluva 'kickin' sex drive and me and the missus enjoy a varied, and, um, interesting sex life to say the least. The saying, "most men rave about it if they're not getting it," suggests to me that you a) have no sex drive, or b) need to re-consider your sex life!

ah...sorry, I forgot about the topic for a mo. UM...MOBILE PHONES! METALLICA and being single.

Maxwell is alumbloom! Well bugger me!!

heh, how wrong you are maxwell. You misunderstand my point.

No,not again John!!! Can't you go somewhere else for that?

The Pope. Why do so many people say he should be made a saint? I for one don't get it. Why have the world' leaders collectively been genuflecting and rewriting the shabby history of this right-wing, neo-con mass-murderer who proved to be utterly impotent in dealing with the peadophile priesthood? The papacy and the Roman Catholic church are an outmoded and corrupt hierarchy that has little to do with the teachings of Christ, more concerned with producing another million Third World poverty-ridden and AIDS/HIV infected catholics and bending an altar boy over a prayer cushion than offering any real solutions to suffering and social exclusion. Lets fiddle beads and nod to an icon. That'll save souls. Personally I put io down to petrol poisoning. Do you remember when JP II was a trendy young Polish Pope travelling the world? Every time he got off a plane in a new country he would get down on his hands and knees and kiss the runway. That aviation fuel is powerful stuff. I think it did long term damage.

hahaha

it should have suprised me but "who is who" on the threads never actually makes it into the starting lanes of my mind for processing. I never minded Maxwell as Alum - he once paid me the most hilareous insult I have ever heard that not only made me laughed but sort of restorted my humility. *lets out sigh*

Well I've completely lost track. Just don't see why people post as different posters. Sorry you missed the bet Jude.

Thanks John although I shall accept Flash's idea that it was providence. It wasn't the money. I don't REALLY need the money (although of course it's always nice). Its the missing out on getting one up on the bookies!

Tallgit, stay off the fence and say what you really mean! I'd like to join the 'put io down' bandwagon too but I don't know who he/she/it is.

Absolutely Jude.

I know. Just your other posts about agreeing with me kinda broke a habit. I'm not comfortable with that.

Hmmm. 1. Why people don't like the Charlatans (I've met them several times; they're nice guys!) 2. The need to go to church to talk to God 3. Why the Roman Catholic Church is so unbelievably wealthy, and don't distribute it to the poor countries in which they find most of their constituents (sorry, it's a timely subject...) 4. Why human beings, for the most part, are so f**king stupid 5. (Liana, I agree) Marriage 6. Michael Jackson's plastic surgery disasters 7. Michael Jackson, period 8. Why teenagers stand around in groups SHOUTING AT ONE ANOTHER, HA! HA! THEY DRIVE ME F**KING NUTS!!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!! QUIT THROWING YOUR EMPTY CRISP WRAPPERS IN MY FRONT GARDEN!! *ahem. Sorry.*

Max, despite some idiots here thinking I bear grudges, I don't. I quite liked you when you first turned up as alumbloom (and I like to think my posts to you at the time were meant as helpful (if wrong)) ... it was only when you went commando and tried to fuck with the forum that I went for you. When you post as you have been doing lately, I don't have a problem.

Stormy. I know. Thanks for understanding.

I used to play Badminton every friday with Tim Burgess.

You're right Maxwell. I certainly don't get that.

My prospective ex-husband used to be the drum technician for Jon Brookes, toured all over the world with the Charlies. Super nice blokes.

"prospective ex-husband " hahahahah

I don't get apprentice nuns who drink, curse, gamble and God knows what else - but I do like them :) I don't get why political leaders are not banned from having a second term to prevent corruption. I don't get why Saddam and his henchmen still have not ben brough to trial. I don't get why despite knowing we are destroying the planet we don't do more to save it. I don't get why I'm typing this nonesense at 7AM!

Well, I don't quite know what else to call him at this point!

Celery (Wow, it burns more calories eating it than it puts in your body, isnt that fab? No actually, its not. Its vile and tastes like a dirty old 2p coin made vegetable.) Rabbits, gerbils, hamsters, rats. Want a pet? Get a dog, not something that shits twenty times an hour, bites you when you try to interact and sits, glowering in a bed of straw all of its life. Bleurgh. Line dancing. "It's really good exercie, no really!" fuck off to a gym and get some proper work done, you sad sad stetson headed sequin shirted shania twain twat. Macdonalds mmm, cold burgers inside warm salad served in a yellow plastic cafe. Yeah, great. Maths. I have a calculator. I can balance my accounts. I know how much change from a twenty for a bottle of vodka. fuck off with your logarithms and venn diagrams. marriage. The church and Rover cars.

I just like phrases like that, Archer. I remember asking a friend of mine why she was still without a partner and dead pan she replied "Lack of suitable applicants" - had me chuckling for ages.

Hmm. There _should_ be some kind of interview process, I think, like a two-page questionnaire one should answer before embarking on a romantic pairing. But that would take all the fun out of it I guess. "Sorry, I feel that your skills and qualities are not suitable for my requirements...thank you and best of luck in your search".

Yes, but Librans and Geminis and, come to think of it, your sign Archer - would probably love that :)

The pre-occupation with the pope. The concept of 'royalty'. The idea that the world was made for the benefit of the human race. That there HAS to be a meaning to life. That complex, convoluted scientific theories about the genesis of the universe, or it's limits, have ANY relevance to everyday life. The narcisisism(?) of certain 'writers' on ABC (or any other site for that matter). Cosmetic surgery borne of vanity. Women that think silicon tits are actually admired by men. Why people think tanned crinkly aged-before-it's-time skin is attractive and creamy white skin with a delicate glow is disgusting. Men who are obssessed with the size of their dick.