A new definition of religion

Exactly. The very self-important imaginary friend. [%sig%]

What happened when Adam wiped his bum on a dead fish after the all fig and apple leaves ran out..... EVE: "OMIGOD, ADAM, WHAT"S THAT HORRIBLE SMELL!" ADAM: "OMIGOD, ME BUM'S BLEEDING!" EVE: "HERE, THE BREAD WILL SOAK IT UP!" It was then that Adam discovered what Eve was truly hiding... ADAM: "OMIGOD, WHAT'S THAT USED FOR?" EVE: "DON'T KNOW, BUT WHEN I BATHE IN THE CREEK THE FISH START SHAGGING ME!" ADAM: "HERE THEN, GIVES US A GO....THE SCARED COW RAN OF LAST MONTH!" EVE: "OH GOD, YES GOD....MYYYY GGGGGOOOOOOOODDDDD YES OH YES!" GOD: PISS OFF OUT OF ME GARDEN YA PESKY RABBITS....)))) BOOOOT (((( *Think about the fish* *And what men of the cloth really wipe the dirty bums on*

Jesus christ, is that w.anker in Oz STILL here?

To be fair, Tony, it was almost certainly part of a routine to have a go at Bush. I thought Dylan Moran should have made it a bit clearer that it's unlikely that Bush really believes in God and considers Him an imaginary friend too - but Bush's imaginary god is certainly not an imaginary vote winner.

You've got a thing about bums, Jasper. Sexuality manifests itself at an early age. A childs first sexual encounter involves a fastination with shitting itself. So much so that some children crap themselves just for the thrill it gives them. You're like that, Jasper.

and you use 'bums' alot because you believe in your own (fucked up) way that it humiliates people but if truth be told you can kiss my rosy ass anyday.

To rephrase my earlier post for the sake of clarity... I thought Moran should have made it clearer that it's unlikely that Bush really believes in God - but does consider Him a real vote winner.

Ooohh, Missi! Welcome back, man!

Surely a creative writing site is the last place where we should be mocking people drawing strength from the imaginary? Many good and practical things can arise from the imaginary, things which can have a positive bearing on day-to-day life. What about all the great works of art or inventions which have their origins in the human imagination? And what about the square root of minus one? As every schoolboy knows this is an imaginary number which does not exist in the real world. You cannot ask a grocer for that number of apples or fill up your car with that many litres of petrol. Yet this supposedly imaginary number has very practical applications in the real world in things like electrical engineering and aeronautics. If you ask me, we should not dismiss the imaginary or seemingly imaginary so lightly.

I would agree with Milton. Apart from the logical West, there is a prevalence of belief in magic throughout the world. Perhaps we miss the richest part of life by trying to narrow it all down to logic; perhaps logic is what gives life structure, but magic is what gives life its colours.

He's a prick. Off course people consider their offspring their own. You've never had kids have you jasper. God fucking forbid. "reproduction," could be a clue word, moron.

Hi Missi - you didn't manage to round him up then? [%sig%]

I think imagination is dangerous for many religions - in that many religious people are subverted by the imagination of scientists who, like science fiction writers, present their technological hopes for the future as though they were tomorrow's certainties. I can still remember only a few years ago when we were being told that science had 'virtually' cracked the aging process and we would soon all be living as long as Adam (knocking on 1,000). Now we are coming to terms with the reality that people actually survive a bit longer but often live less... I mean they spend spend the last 30 or so years existing in homes or hospitals with the only real joy in their lives (if they are lucky) being a visit from their children. Reminds me of Gulliver's travels to Japan. Nowadays it's stem cell research that's going to cure all our ills... yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody seems to realise that cars are killing us (and almost everything else) yet many religions were based on a rapport with nature and God was in the trees not in the churches. If people really had imagination they would think about Lennon's song and wonder why we can't make it happen - because if we could then WE would be gods and God would be happy for us. In the meantime greed rules and masquerades as anything that will keep the fools dreaming as it slowly consumes the Earth!

On reflection... In the meantime greed rules and masquerades as anything that will keep the fools dreaming as it RAPIDLY consumes the Earth!

Don't know what I mean about cars? Never mind about Global Warming, weather changes, oil wars etc. and just imagine life without car fumes - to be able to breathe FRESH air. Try going on holiday somewhere where there are very few cars and watch your health improve dramtically over-night! Now I know a lot of you car fanatics are going to say that a few car fumes can't make that much difference - so try putting a hose from your exhaust into the back window of your car and drive around a bit... no, better not... you might discover whether, or not, God is imaginary very quickly if you do. [%sig%]

Cars are only good for revealing bad personalities.

Nothing wrong with imagination at all - it's when you believe that it's 'true' in a factual sense that the trouble begins. Imagination is wonderful and the world would not turn without it - but when the figment of your imagination becomes your creed and you then kill, plunder and rape in order to make others believe in your figment then this is not a good thing.

<<...kill, plunder and rape in order to make others believe in your figment...>> are we talking Democracy here? :o)

Nahhh...figs and mean....t

I had a pal who knew there wasn't a God because as a youth he had climbed a tree during a thunderstorm shouting "Come on the God... if you exist strike me down with a thunderbolt!" My friend's logic was simply that - since God had not responded that He obviously did not exist. When I was in the mood I would occassionaly point out that there didn't seem much point in blaming everything on something, or someone, that didn't exist. "The bastard doesn't exist - Karl got rid of Him." he would respond almost geneflecting in front of the large picture of Mr Marx hung, in pride of place, over the fire-place. "Come the revolution all you bloody Christians and your Jewish masters will be first up against the wall." he would shout angrily. I would remind him that Marx was Jewish, he would throw me out and I would chuckle all the way to the pub. What happened to The Revolution then? Seems enough people died for that before their leaders sold out :o) People will always fight and kill each other to prove they are RIGHT regardless of what it is that they are so convinced they are RIGHT about. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. I'm off back to laugh at the ducks - they are almost as funny as we are and a lot less dangerous :o)

I religiously avoid the dog crap, Lou.

I had a religion once....but them damn bottles never stayed as full as I did! Hmmm....I wonder if I crucified an immaculate Duck, would they spank me with gold and jewels for 2000 years too? Purple Turtle: Nahhh....we strung up a chook thief on the mountian that day too, but all that took off since were Big Yellow Arches and Chicken Nuggets! Phantom: Was his name Ronaldo in red boots? Burger King: Blasphemy...Spank em all God! Monkey: So where'd spanking the monkey come from? Kermit: I've never seen a Frog's God feed the chickens neither! Freud: Farken Yung beans! St Patrick: Farken Tolkien! Benedictine 2nd: If God cuts off me dict for this they'll call me Betty in hell! Louis Cypher: Hmmm...a real ring kisser....don't think we accept them here... the methane, you know? Golem: Piss off, my jobs taken. The flying Nun's ain't! Virgin Mary: Psssttt....I'm not a virgin...just look at me face? Sally Field: Zoro was hot...phhhewwwww!!!! Zoro: Farken Nuns...they all look like penguins to me!

Kermit: Exacary! Wolf: But her archers' tread lines upon the mind-followed-scars...and seek but my blood in ignorance! Golden Arches: Only upon my whores, darling, whose wit is to wisdom as rings are to flinger-doms!...yellow be but the colour that drageth moths! Lancelot: But i thought they said chickens could still run around headless....or was that the ability to reveal inner sluttiness without being skanky...?!...where's my head gear!...i can't recall!?!! Uncle Smurf: 't'aint easy being green, Kermit; but blue....oh dear fellow, Zorro was blessed to black and white in ignorance; Lest i be blue with my white, not yellow, like chicken nor egg; nor black, like zebra or night; Nor red, like lust; i be blue, 'tis true.

Errr...are you licking the green toads or the pink ones I sent ya? I'll send ya some them new martian frogs...they flop around a bit and smell like shit, but at least they're colour blind! Who blue poppa smurf and fuzzied the bear btw? I reckon it's the Swedish Chef...he's always doing the chickens while Kermies doing pork! God only does virgins and me bums far too loose for a good Benedictining!

It's like a Paris sidewalk round here. [%sig%]

Thanks Smiley. That was the name that's been on the tip of my tongue all weekend. KARL WIGGINS! Whatever happened to him? Thoroughly decent chap if there ever was one.

*thick heels* lol

Yeah, Karl and Liana were quite influencial in my moving to Scarborough. Karl - after hearing me moan about the local 'thugs' - suggested that I move (an idea I was initially unhappy about) and Liana talked me out of moving to Skegness (I wonder why ;o) Thanks both!

I bet Scarborough was thrilled to receive you though Smiley :-0)

It was overjoyed Flash :o)

I wish i'd put money on it ;-0)

Most abstract concepts in life (religion, politics, philosophy) can lead to good or bad things happening. The problem lies with the misguided people who misapply these concepts, rather than with the concepts themselves. If religion is such a bad thing, then an absence of religion must be a good thing. Liberate the people from religion and things will be so much better. Actually that doesn't work. Look what happened in communist Russia which cancelled religion and quickly became such a singularly evil, godawful place.

I don't think religion is the problem, as almost to a one they preach tolerance and love for your fellow wo/man. It's when people, religious or not, begin to feel that their perspective is the -only- one to have, that they're right and those who don't believe are wrong, and try to either stuff it down others' throats or kill 'em, that things become troubling and troublesome. I really admire deeply religious people (the kind for whom religion is a way of being and not something they do only on Sunday); such devotion and submission gives them a kind of grace (for want of a better word) in the face of adversity that non-believers might struggle with. I was reading about the missionary and his two small sons who were burned alive by fanatics in India back in '99; the wife stated that although she was deeply upset, she bore the perpetrators no malice, because if she could not forgive them, then how would God be able to forgive her? I thought: man, that takes some strength.

Actually, I would say I 'owned' my kids when they were in my belly, Jaspie, thanks. And while I don't 'own' the outcome of their lives, while they are still small, they are MY responsibility. So, yes, there is 'ownership' there, even if it's just owning the obligation to let them be themselves as much as possible and raise them to be good people. Don' mess wit mah chirren, Jaspie. Ah'll slap yo eyes raght outta yo skull.

It's not I who's messing with your children, AG, that's YOUR vice screwing their once precious heads in! In many ways I admire science for it attempts to replace womans womb, as it's obvious she makes a weapon of mass destuction also. But both intents are to own all genetic material...two farken Harridans! Mengele or Mengeless......them poor little bastards don't stand a chance in a paternal formaldehyde where both ownership and abortion are justified as universal acts of Altruism...grrrrrrrr! And farken God takes another duck-dive through the pure disgrace that pie-prick promotes through his seditious leprosy! Now be careful on response here AG.......you've just crossed the invitro line and made this a cat-fight-external in relation to self-mutalation (maybe suicide or genocide) versus rights to Murder? I mean, if you own your wombs genetic material and product, you can embrace or decimate in any form or manner you damn well like....can't you? There's nothing lower on this planet than a Patriot, in my opinion, AG! *JASPER LOADS CLUSTER CANON AND PRIMES IT* *BITES HEAD OFF BAT AND SMEARS BODY* * TURNS UP GNR CD TO MAX VOL* *ROOF THROBS* *JASPER'S 2 GOLD FISH START TO ROAR AND SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE*

Just a point of order here too btw, Ag.....I'm not making this personal..not really! However, as for a woman's WOMB rights, the law here in OZ does not encumber to para-protect nor para-defend any embryonic material (ownership right) in/from an extraneous act of violence...in any trimester too btw, as life is legally defined as a thing which needs to contain 'AIR IN ITS LUNGS FIRST AND FOREMOST' In other words, some piece of shit can punch a pregnant woman in the stomach and kill the [child], but not be charged with any bias towards 'intent to murder' due to abortions person-ness argument....it's defined as a simple assault at its worst, as it can be legally justified that there was no malicious intent to kill nor maim...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Beauty truly is only skin deep...grrrrrrrrrrrrrr some more? Don't they swear on a bible in court to tell "The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help them God"? But he doesn't...does he...the *&^%#&#%^#%^#%^#%#%^#%#%#%? FACT: An inflated condom has more of legal rights to be defended as life, than any embryo ever will!

My father-in-law is a preacher. Him and mum-in-law are deeply religious and are the most gentle, generous and calm people I've ever met. When my daughter returns home after spending a day with them she brings back with her their glowing serenity. It's a joy to watch it her full of that bright, warm light. A real joy! But I'm not christening her. As was done with me. Some decisions should not be made on behalf of a child.

Peace be with ye, Jaspie. I'll sit this one out. *sits down on meditation cushion and ponders navel*

Christening is really just another social ritual; spirituality doesn't require rituals, I think; but some people like to have them. I too think religion is kind of a choice that each individual should be able to make. My parents were agnostic, but they were happy to let me go to church with friends: I did Communion with the Catholics and Bible school with the Baptists. I had a Buddha statue in my room. Now I would say that spirituality is something that is very important to me, and I'm keenly interested in other religions, but I'll let my own kids decide for themselves what they want to believe.

Jasper. Youve not had kids, and you probably never will because you're a poo pipe jockey so shut the fuck up going on about stuff you've got absolutely not a fucking clue about.

I like that: "MY OWN KIDS.... LET THEM DECIDE" Another instrumental crock of shirley temple in concrete boots sucking on rosary beads made from dead wannabees! Even head lice imprint and you own nothing in this world....it's all on a rental basis! Wanna buy a plot for your retirement plan, AG?

Jasper, your interpretation of 'ownership' seems based on one's right to destroy that which one owns. We humans can also see it as a right to love and protect and nurture. AG owns her kids in the sense that if, say, some terrorist grabbed one and said "this kid dies unless the mother takes its place", she would, without hesitation, cry "that's my child!"

This mother loves her kids so much that if, say, some terrorist grabbed one, she'd rip that terrorist's head right off his neck with her teeth, even if she died in the process. Ah said: Don' mess wit mah kids. MAH kids.

And let's please leave the whole abortion argument out of this forum, if we could, please. Some are for, some are against, some are in-between. Shades of grey, Jaspie, shades of grey.

*re-titles thread*

Let's not be too literal-minded, Jaspie. I made them, therefore, they're mine, to whatever degree anything I've created in my own body can be mine, and for however long...

No such a thing as your child, AG...and you farken now it! Now bite you own head off, you terrorist! These obsessive parents of clones, and especially you women, merely disquise the rethoric of slavery! But you don't fool me with your sentiment, for a right to kill on the one hand (abortion), or own on the other as a parent, bullshit! You only reserve as a parent, is to attend the childs welfare...full stop! Now let's get one thing very straight: I totally agree that if someone touches a child in front of me, they're dead before they can blink....no mercy whatsoever...ANY CHILD...ask Nikolai how much trouble I get into protecting children's rights! And as for my children...No, I've never owned one of them nor their mother either....but that doesn't mean I haven't sired nor cared for both...but obviously not on the same dungeon level you lot do and have! Don't cross the line, AG......as the extention of your ownership claim to those children here, takes away all their rights to self determinisation! And while Men did - and still - enslave your gender, sweetheart, you and the evil witch brigade use exactly the same tools to achieve what you call freedom, as he/church uses/d to put you where you were you were/are, in the first place! YOU, HIPOCRITE'S, FASCIST'S. PLANTATION MISTRESS, CHURCH MOTHER's and FATHER's.....ring the bell, Quasimoto...they're all still-births, still dreaming of being alive! Nahhh, better still, BURN ALL INSTUTIONS DOWN! Definition: A Family....a tyranny ruled by it's weakest link ( AJ Bourke) Save the child....eat all parents!

Hmmm...gee I sound pissed off....this is how I discuss everything btw.....They call me intense....or insane...but ain't we all with passion?

Overtired. [%sig%]

Never...what's sleep?