Cats are stupid

Author: Jasper (202.134.244.---) Date: 05-21-05 12:13 Geee...I'm truly sorry none of your regurgitated drivel made story of the week, Flushy! Author: Jasper (---.ains.net.au) Date: 06-06-05 02:47 Yes Flush, it is a very good write! But then I've read a poem much alike this at UKA once (I think it was Rose's)! And I do read your work because I like it very much. Rose wants to know which poem it was i nicked? Why do you enjoy reading regurgitated drivel? Why haven't you fucked yet, like you said you would? And aren't my rollerskates ace? Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :-0)

Flash - you're back! ;-o)

Erm...fucked off yet is wot i meant. i've never been away Smikey.

Must be just me then Flash. I'm reminded of a few words from 'Someone Saved My Life Tonight'... "We've all been crazy lately..."

it has been proven scientifically that cats are a lot dumber than dogs. My dogs chased a cat up one of my trees the other day and stood looking up at the poor creature for about ten minutes. I eventually went over and got them out of the way. I then went back and indicated to the terrified pussy that it was now clear to descend and leave my garden, lesson learnt, no hard feelings. It stayed where it was because it couldn't figure out how to get down. I climbed the tree but it just lashed out at me. eventually I left it with the message that I was going out for the day and that if it was still there when I got back that night I'd assist its escape with a hose pipe. as I turned to leave it fell with a crash onto the grass (on its back I should add) and scarpered. this myth that cats are clever is put about by cat lovers, most of whom are more than a little flakey and in some cases downright nesh to the point of transparency. you want proof? jasper. ipso facto I rest my case.

Not sure what anyone means by stupid. Of course cats are going to be a bit thick compared with humans. They're not designed for social complexities. Personally, I much prefer cats to dogs for the following reasons: 1) If a cat is in your face, it's much easier to move. 2) Dogs *look* stupid. And whiny. And miserable. And the big ones have bloodshit eyes. They look like junkies or something. 3) Our cat definitely loves us. I know because it's not actually ours - thus, we never feed it, we kick it out at night, we generally ignore it and it *still* comes to visit every day, just to sit around with us. 4) Liana's seems to be the exception, but cats are much cleaner generally. You don't have to do anything with them as long as you let them out when they want to go out, and don't make them sick. 5) They have different personalites. I probably don't spend around dogs long enough to appreciate theirs, but I know, for instance, that my parents' cat is skittish and easily frightened, while our cat is nigh on impossible to scare. Shouting loudly and jumping at it results in mild alarm, admittedly. But pouring water on it (normally a surefire way of terrifying felines,) just results in irritation. Also, my parent's cat can climb up and down trees like bloody Spiderman, while ours struggles to leap onto walls, and generally bounds about clumsily. 6) Cats're softer. You can use them as pillows and arm-rests. 7) Dog farts can clear the room in seconds.

6) Cats're softer. You can use them as pillows and arm-rests. err, hello? the next time you want to rest on an animal pick a dog or you'll lose the skin on your face and spend the rest of the night trying to coax the little bastard down from the pelmet with a fake mouse! now a dog is a different matter. You can bury your face in the thick pelt of a dog, I've slept an entire night with my dogs as pillow and blanket. I felt warm, loved and protected. (I WAS DRUNK, IT WAS COLD, i had to sleep under the stars and they kept me company) as for looking stupid, dogs have five times the expressive muscles in their faces as cats and most other mammals. Their intellect is proven to be far superior and their loyalty, usefullness, affection etc etc etc is head and shoulders above a cat. I guess it's all about what you want from a pet and if you love your cat then that's a great thing and I don't, for a moment, wish to suggest that your feelings are in any way artificial- they're just wrong and you need to be locked away for ever in a dark room with the screech of cats on heat playing 24/7 on loud speakers in your damp, cat pee smelling cell and the threat of burglars at the door keeping you awake at nights when the speakers blow or the tape eventually deteriorates.. thats all.

Ah all true - but you'd never see a Greyfriars Bobby situation with a cat though would you. Not unless you had a fast action camera. Btw - what's your cat called Hen? The description sounds unnervingly familiar. [%sig%]

Oops - that was a reply to Hen, Ely. Didn't see you there.

Lol......I like the way you crucify yourself, Flush.......I mean you even just crucified your own art because of a lack of intelligent insight and respect. Quote: "Yes Flush, it is a very good write! But then I've read a poem much alike this at UKA once (I think it was Rose's)! And I do read your work because I like it very much. But then I dare not comment on it due to the fact that it's praise of authorial ability only, and you seem unable to seperate the political from the personal. I mean you must admit, you do seem spit on innocent authors who simply don't side with your personal views at the time...don't you!" Plagerism is a form of admiration.....and a copy is as good as the original! Now tell me, Flush, where does my 'ORIGINALITY' contradiction begin again..*wink* You too really must learn to read properly Flush.

It's ok Lou, I was hiding amongst my pack of hounds, running with the wolves and all that kind of lycanthropic stuff that we Norfolk types like to get up to of a night... just don't stray from the path.

Have you scared all the Wallabies tonight off Jaspieeeee? You really must learn to answer the questions that are asked of you...in particular the one concerning my roller skates please.

I can suddenly hear Bad Moon Rising... [%sig%]

Dog farts can clear a room in seconds you say Hen... you'd think wouldnt you, that an eight and a half stone boxer would be rather higher in the boff noxiouness stakes than a skinny five pound cat. You'd be wrong.

Paraphrase by Jasper of Flush: "I don't write much and don't give really a shit about cherries" Flushy.....if I didn't stay to piss you off so much, what would have to write or talk about? Now I'm here to make your life miserable, so pucker honey and write something someone else hasn't already said and I'll respect you in the morning.....>orgasm scene<.....lol That Roo and Wallaby line has become very boring, Flush...try to picture me humping an Echinda or a Platypus..... them spikey little buggers are painful to tamper with. You kinda remind of the dingo who chewed off three legs, only to find he was still caught in the rabbit trap! So you've only got one skate..lol Whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....rocket skates btw

She doesn't like you for having her spayed, Liana. I mean, you're intelligent, wouldn't you get your own back?

Hrm.... not so sure about that. She's actually always done it. She does like me, but she is just too thick to realise when the feelings arent reciprocated. It happens a lot lately.

Cats, like dogs (and people), come in shades of bright and dumb - but the main difference between cats and dogs is loyalty. Cats are very rarely loyal and often the only love they have is cupboard love... they'll rub up against you when they want feeding purring their affection - till they see the cat food and start meowing. Most animals tend to eat more when they are 'neutered' and who can blame them? Many cats can have a wicked sense of humour... You're probably a dog person like me Liana :o)

<> I suspect that you are mistaken Liana and confusing cupboard love with real affection - cats rarely like anyone who doesn't like them but they are clever enough to pretend they do when it suits their purpose :o)

billy, our deformed white boxer has escaped having his bits cut. I protested it and he got away but now a mate tells me that he has more a chance of getting cancer of the balls. Well, that's obvious considering that he still HAS balls. Billy! Put your lipstick away! A man I used to work with kept pigeons and let me in on some of his cat baiting tricks. One of them was to place fish hooks in cat meat which he left by the back door at night. Another had something to do with some material that expands in the stomach when moist, can't remember what that was. He caught one in his garage one time. It lived next door. So he threw in a bag, put it in his car and drove it to delamere forest (about 10 miles away from his house) and let it go. He said that he was in bed later on and he could hear his next door neighbour shouting the cat in and he said he looked up at the ceiling in his bedroom and muttered, "You'll need to shout a little louder than that!" He ended up in big trouble eventually when he was caught dumping a cat in the canal. Serves him right. I hate cats.

Youre wrong there... actually cats tend to go more for people who couldnt care less. My mum actively loathes cats, and they always head for her lap. There is a reason why this happens, but its almost time for the graduate and i cant be arsed to google...

what a load of bollocks ...

errm ... not what you said liana ...

i had a couple of martinis ... my reaction times arent good ...

Or boooooooooollocks if Radiodenser is typing.

anyway it isnt really cats that are stupid is it??? *looks at men ....*

and i have a question for mykle ... do you think liana is your mate? ... cos i am pretty sure she would rather lick a TOAD ...

some toads might give a kind of ... what is the word ... that thing you get from magic mushrooms ...

'cos i am pretty sure she would rather lick a TOAD ...' Is there that much difference?

Well THAT'S because the ONLY thing Slimey isn't a fuckin' expert on, is relationships with women!

hallucination

You'd have to be, to be licking Slimey.

No, Fish, but I did think that she thought that I thought that... especially after the "It happens a lot lately", and hence I posted "cats rarely like anyone who doesn't like them but they are clever enough to pretend they do when it suits their purpose." hoping that Liana (and friends) would take the hint that I was trying to be nice for the sake of the site. It seems to be a problem with some of the conceited women on this site that they think they are attractive when... well, let's just say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder :o) In some culture women lick toads because they have hallucinogenic skin - I don't think Liana needs to though...

And I said what, to annoy you precisely? Jesus fucking Christ. I'm a bit sick of this Mykle. Not everything that is said on this site is down to me and i'm sick to the back teeth of your snide insinuations. Sort yourself out. Goodnight.

Sorry Liana, I haven't meant to say anything that might upset you in my last post - I just wanted to point out that Fish was mistaken and you are not my type. I hope you have not taken offence!

I'm not annoyed Liana, merely trying to clear up the misunderstanding. I think a lot of people have failed to realize that I have a playful online personna but I'm in reality a fairly religious person who does not enter into relationships lightly. George and friends have suceeded in popularising this myth that I'm a sort of desperate sex maniac when I have pointed out that in reality I am celibate by choice and intend to remain so until I find a suitable partner - who will hopefully be another water sign (preferrably a Pisces). In a way I'm pleased you brought this up Fish as it's given me a chance to clear the air. I'm sorry to anyone who has got the wrong impression - yes, I like a laugh and I like to flirt but its mostly just fun! [%sig%]

friend ... not "type" ... not the same thing ... i wasnt actually saying liana would rather lick a toad than be your girlfriend ... lawks ... stick ... end ... wrong ... (cats + horoscopes = bollocks)

Yeah right, well I know of at least two women you pestered to the point where one of them stopped replying to your persistent emails, and the other one blocked you. HER description of you, and I quote, was that 'he is the devil incarnate'. You work it out. Oh, and the church wouldn't have any predators in it of course, would it? Yes we all KNOW you're a religious freak, you bang on about it incessantly. If you really want to do something 'nice for the site', shut the fuck up.

Oops, I obviously misunderstood what you meant by 'mate' Fish. Since Liana had posted "She does like me, but she is just too thick to realise when the feelings arent reciprocated. It happens a lot lately." I thought that perhaps she had mistakenly gained the impression that I had 'feelings' and she was saying they were not reciprocated. To be on the safe side - and to try and avoid misunderstandings like this - I posted "... cats rarely like anyone who doesn't like them but they are clever enough to pretend they do when it suits their purpose." So when you posted " i have a question for mykle ... do you think liana is your mate? ... cos i am pretty sure she would rather lick a TOAD ..." I presumed that you were under the same misapprehension as Liana. In the meantime of course George had done his usual vinda-looing and exacerbated the situation (what's new?)... I meant no offence!

Somehow I see J-lo humping a half inflated plastic blow-up doll as being more plausible.

Ever notice how Sludge always waits for someone else to attack you before he steps in to make a complete twat of himself, Smiley? And nine times out of ten, Liana always seem to be involved? Hmmmm.....I think she wants you and Sludge is jealous! Mind you though, it would be bloody funny to see a porno of both Sludge and Liana at it.......be like two beached whales trying to roll around in dry sand while playing poke the wet spots baby...ewwww! Fish..... I'm shocked! You have been very naughty here......now bend over because you're in for a good spanking, Miss Bunny! Now then, there are cats and there are cats. And while I like all cats, because they are far smarter than stupid dogs and their ugly owners, the only cat worth having as a life friend is an Oriental Siamese! But then they choose you, you don't choose them! Mind you, they'll tear the flesh off you when playing...and they play very rough and lots if they truly like you! They also go as stiff as a board while sleeping next to you in bed at night...it scares the bloody life out you! Now if they don't like or mistrust you, then you're in deep shit! And they'll rip big dogs and all other breeds of cats to shreds! Mine once stalked a friends girfriend into the shower one night and chopped into her big time...served the bitch right.....she was a skank! Problem is, as the Pure Oriental Siamese is very rare due to fact they will only mate with their own kind, scumbags steal them! Seriously, a thief broke into my place, left 10's of thoudands of dollars worth of computer equipment and other valuable trinkets behind, and just stole my fucking cat! Arrrrrghhhhh......death to cat theives!

She humps a skeletal-looking Latino man every night. Apparently. In between changes of clothing. *rolls eyes*

Of course I've noticed how they work, Jasper. I purposely posted the following when you had rightly guessed that Liana was a Virgo - to see if Liana could restrain her dogs since they had been snarling at Archergirl: Re: Schapelle Corby Author: Smiley (---.l1.c2.dsl.pol.co.uk) Date: 05-29-05 16:12 What a glorious day! I'd say that the only one you have right is Liana, Jasper... No doubt that will attract the attention of her NTL bag of bootboys. Lets see now, George (Miss Shitty) has changed to NTL and who else... someone anal like Liana, looks like a bootboy... oh, can't think, perhaps a Martini might help :o) Ah, well, back to the beach. Have fun! ********************************* George responded later with: Re: Schapelle Corby Author: mississippi (---.server.ntli.net) Date: 05-29-05 19:18 Who gives a fuck? ******************************** And Tim didn't respond at all on the thread but did post on another without comment. I was impressed that Liana could conrol her dogs but I didn't say anything as I wanted to see how long the effect would last... I was particularly impressed by George's restraint since I didn't think he had it in him! I'm not sure myself why Fish keeps rushing in (swimming in) and risking her karma - but old friendships die hard Jasper. [%sig%]

Oh, at the time "Radiodenser's Keyboard (---.server.ntli.net)" was calling himself "Huge Janus (---.server.ntli.net)"... hence the anal comment.

No doubt we will now get the usual screetches of innocence etc. I thought that surely they would realise that we need to pull together to sort the threads out - but it's attack Smiley and beggar the consequences as usual! What a surprise :o)

*smiles*

You are mad. Quite, quite mad.

Well i think cats are lovely and cute, and they are genuinely affectionate to their owners...so there. The chap below doesn't think so though.

Hmmm.....trust you to find that, Flush! But I had the same problem with old people J-Walking after they hop off Trams. Cleaned up 5 of the old twats in one day while a M/Cycle courier in Melbourne. The first one wrote the M/cycle off....bent the forks. So I then jumped onto me Mountain Bike and got to sneak up on the other 4.....nailed the old farts real good too.....lol

Erm, back to the subject of the thread... Liana, purebred anything always seem to be a lot dumber than 'mutts'. Burmese, from what I've heard, are notoriously high-maintenance. I once had a friend with a Burmese (pedigree name: Sly Mephistopholes, of all things) who was about as friendly and useful as a canker sore. But I've always been a mixed breed person. I've had two dogs and two cats, all of whom were muttsies. They were all brill. Even the cats were 'loving', in a cat sort of way. I had a Siamese-mix female named 'Mama Kitty' because she was up the duff when I found her; little body with a belly the size of a large canteloupe. She was very loving, and mostly obedient (if I shouted at her, she'd get off the kitchen counter). Then again, as mentioned by someone above in between the quibbling, I'm one of those 'I hate cats' people toward whom cats seem to gravitate. I'm too soft to not give them a chance, and they wind up being good friends. See 'first impressions' thread for details...;-)