Who Are You?

"..These days I concentrate much more on my writing in my sets like I did in the early days, which for me is good and progressive. I have felt for a while that the forums were taking over and my real reason for me joining this site was being lost. Something I feel has happened and is still happening to a few of us. It’s about writing after all.."

Quote from Ralph in the "Whip and Chair" thread on the general discussion board.

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I was looking at some of my earlier work just now, and can't believe it was me who wrote it. It was almost like reading another author. I really enjoyed reading it.

I feel like I've lost something, that I once had. I know it probably seems a bit vain looking at your older stuff, but it wasn't because of vanity that I looked at it, it was from a feeling of desperation. Reading though it sorted my head out a bit, was like remembering who I really was, as a writer. I realised that I 've veered away from the kind of writing that I liked to do and was good at.

Not sure what the reason behind this thread is, but hell I'am gonna write it anyway. See where it leads.

I feel maybe I've started to try and become too clever in my writing or something, trieng too hard to push myself into a style that just isn't me. Losing that childlike quality I had when I first started.

I used to love crafting imaginative stories man, but somethings been stopping me lately. And I know what it is - I read the stuff that others admire on these threads, and I admire it too. They're really fine pieces of work. But it mainly seems to be poetry or reality kind of pieces I see here. And I never really see much magical fiction being discussed. Which is fair enough.

My problem comes from the fact that I think maybe I got the false illusion, that these kinds of pieces are what everyone likes to read; and writing this sort of thing is what makes a good writer in others opinion. So feeling like my kind of writing was on the outside of the circle. I tried to write the same sort of things as these authors did. But it didn't really work, came out totally different and bizarre, and was rubbish really - cause it's not me. Making me feel frustrated, and doubting if I was a writer.

Cause deep down I'am a fiction writer, that's what I like to do best. I love to craft a good make-believe story. And just cause it might not seem like a popular genre doesn't mean that it isn't. I know I'am always on the look out for this kind of thing when I'am reading on the site. I love reading a well-crafted fictional story with a bit of magic in it. So I have no doubt others are doing the same. The forums are just a very tiny minority, of the people who read on this site.

Anyway

I got tonnes of computer work to catch up with at the moment.

I'am going to have a break from the site for a few weeks; not cause anybodies done anything to upset me, or because I'am feeling despondent or anything. Nothing to do with anything like that.

Is just cause I got so much work to do. Everytime I log onto this site I spend hours on it, just reading stuff and posting stuff. And end up not doing any work at all, which is not good. So I'am severing my internet connection for a bit.

But when I've caught up with my computer work, I'am gonna sit down and really try to respark that story writing thing I had going last year. I think that's the kind of writing where I'am gonna stay from now on, as it's the kind of thing I was best at. I'am not too good at poetry or writing reality pieces. There seems to be something lacking in it, when I try. I will leave this kind of writing to those who are naturals at it, and can pull it off well. And I'll stick to my kind of thing which is crafting magical fictional stories, which I'am pretty good at, if I say so myself.

And here's the question:

Do you feel like you've lost a certain magic in your writing that you used to have? And is it because you've started writing the kinds of things that aren't you? Or because maybe someone else, who is well-meaning, has tried to push you in a direction, that isn't one you feel comfortable in?

Could it be that you're trieng too hard to write something that you think will please the forums?

What sort of writing do you feel drawn to? And do you do that kind of writing yourself? And if not, why not? Search yourself man, who are you? What sort of writing do you like to do best?

Does maybe what others think in general affect how you write?

Do you write to please your peers?

I'am not saying don't think about the reader when you write, this is important, as you want to give something to the reader, for their time. But are you writing the genre that just aint you, because it seems to be the most popular one, the one everyone's raving about?

If any of the answers to the above questions are yes - I have a challenge:

I throw down the gauntlet, and ask you to search yourself, and find what kind of writing you like to do best, and to go for it. Forget about trieing to be the next whoever. Forget about publishing dreams.

Have a long look at some of your older stuff. How does it make you feel when you read it again? Do you feel you've lost something over the years, something you used to have?

If yes, Why? How come you lost it? And how do you get it back again?

Are you spending too much time posting on these forums, when you could be putting pen to paper?

The challenge is to try and find that sparkle again, that you had when you first started writing. Before ego took hold of the pen. Then when you've found it - to write something with that childlike innocence again.

*hell I doubt any of that makes sense. Just trieng to be honest. I *do* worry about what others think, and even though sometimes I might pretend I don't, I do really. But writing to please others just makes me feel unhappy, and frustrated. Cause I can't write that kind of thing, that others hold up as being a great piece of writing; and it makes me feel a bit like I'am standing on the outside looking in. Which is silly. All the time while I'am doing this, I forget about who I used to be, when I first set out as a writer. So I'am just not doing that guy any favours. The one who sat at this desk all those months ago and typed out those fictional pieces. I feel like I'am letting him down. He was a good kid and wrote with energy. Ego seems to have set in and I notice as soon as ego starts getting a foot in; writing loses a certain quality. I miss that quality and I'am going to try and find it again. That's the challenge. *

Anyway much respect to you all, catch ya laters man.

funky_seagull