Favourite sayings

from your mouth to gods ears dont irritate the poisonous snake

I'd sooner slam my dick in a door...

I tried it, ag, but it doesn't work as well as Domestos

Don't shit where you eat...

for somebody as dumb looking as you, you're a lot dumber than you look.

past is what present demanded for future use (??????)

Screw you and the horse you rode in on.

that's a great one jude! marvellous, simply marvellous

Did your mother sniff glue during pregnancy? [%sig%]

Billions of years of evolution and Mother Nature came up with you?

Time will tell...

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose. The more things change, the more they stay the same. The above irritates a science teacher friend of mind, no end. 'Thats daft that is, how can that be'. Then I hit him with Marshall McLuhan's 'More is less, and less is more'. He then has to go and lie down for a while. Marshall McLuhan was referring to TV. On a personal note: my ex-mother-in-law, when laying into her kids with a shellelagh(?) would be yelling 'I'll give you what for and who started it!' [%sig%]

Skydolphin...is that you in the stroke anthology poetry book? Its from my Latin extreme book! works well in Latin! Te futueo et caballum tuum [ALSO: "Te futueo et equum tuum"] Screw you and the horse you rode in on Bovis stercus - Bull shit Es scortum obscenus vilis - You are a vile, perverted whore Stercorem pro cerebro habes - You have shit for brains Caput tuum in ano est - You have your head up your ass Impudens es leno - You shameless pimp Te odeo, interfice te cochleare - I hate you. Kill yourself with a spoon. Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri? - How do you get your hair to do that? Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem - In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags. Faciem durum cacantis habes - You have the face of a man with severe constipation Mala pituita nasi Nasty nasal drippings! Canis matrem tuam subagiget - Dog has desecrated your mother Filius tu canis et cameli You are the son of a dog and a camel

cat's arse: as in "she gave you the cat's arse, mate" - i.e. strolled off indifferently.

I may have to visit a psychiatrist tomorrow as a result of the vision created by the words, Neil, rim and Domestos.

the stroke anthology poetry book? I need more details jude. Although six or eight poems of mine have been included in anthologies I don't recall this one.

Te odeo, interfice te cochleare - I hate you. Kill yourself with a spoon. rofl

An expression of surprise: 'Ooh, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.' I have absolutely no idea what that means. [%sig%]

Obviously I was a rather difficult teenager as I remember people saying some of the following to me - can anybody think of any others? YOU'RE ABOUT AS MUCH USE AS... A) A chocolate fireguard B) A chocolate Teapot C) Dead duck. huh?

Oh look! A nice round number of 160,000 posts on this forum. Oh - hang on - when I press post... [%sig%]

Well f**k that for a game of soldiers!

As in Boss: Well if you want to come away for the weekend and stay in the hotel on company expenses, there will be team bonding and assault courses and so on Jude: Well f**k that for a game of soldiers!

Aww Jude - I'd forgotten that - it's one of my mum's favourites, along with 'Shit and corruption!' which I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone else say. [%sig%]

Oh actually, I think my mum says 'box of soldiers.' [%sig%]

My mother doesn't use naughty words. I heard her say bollock once about 13 years ago and that's it

my mum sometimes says shit and she's a vicar

Funnily enough, my Dad doesn't swear (or very, very rarely) but my mother swears like a trooper. She used to ride in her youth, and claims that everything she comes out with is a 'hunting term.' She only swears in a nice way, if you know what i mean, just to emphasise a point, or if she whacks her knee whilst taking her seat at the top table during a wedding reception. [%sig%]

jude, yes it's me in the anthology you mentioned, I checked it.

Ooh I have lots of these, let me see "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese" or as my bf puts it "The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten by the bird" what else.... hmmm "The smaller the lizard the greaters its hopes of becoming a crocodile" or what about "That went down like a homesick mole" "That went down like a lead balloon." I'm never sure if those are supposed to be good or bad things "Fat men are harder to kidnap" "At the end of the day... it's night time" "YOU - out of the gene pool!" "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair" and to end on a serious note - the quote I try to live my life by is the Buddhist mantra "PRESENT MOMENT: PRECIOUS MOMENT"

Should be added to the second to last, 'and drinking in the Shepherd's Hall' (Gordon's local). [%sig%]

you should get a complimentary copy! I did!

My ex-next door neighbour, an ex-vicar, told my Mum to 'oh fuck off' after she offered to help with the pots after a dinner party. She abosilutely loved it. How things have changed...

Although he was an 'ex' vicar, you stressed.... I've always liked, "He was so stupid, he couldn't pour piss out of a boot", although how piss -got- in the boot in the first place I can only guess. Was he also so stupid he pissed down his leg...?

some interesting sayings: A bad excuse is better than none B etter to be safe than sorry C old hands, warm heart T here is a time to speak and a time to be silent A bad penny always turns up L ife begins at forty E nough is as good as a feast S ome are wise and some are otherwise A sk no questions and hear no lies B elieve nothing of what you hear, and only half of what you see C ut your coat according to your cloth T he course of true love never did run smooth A change is as good as a rest E ven a clock that does not work is right twice a day L ove many, trust few, but always paddle your own canoe S ilence is the fence around wisdom A crowd is not company B etter an open enemy, than a false friend C urses, like chickens, come home to roost T he darkest hour is just before dawn A drop of ink may make a million think L et sleeping dogs lie E ven in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief S aying is one thing; doing another [%sig%]

Ah, we never said that last part, fish. No wonder it didn't make any sense!

"He couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery" "He couldn't organise a nun-shoot in a nunnery"

as you leave your hosts' house ... "i had a great evening ... this wasn't it ..."

never accept sweets from tall people

"Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes." Then when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes...

it's all in the mind you know

If you grasp your ears and pull firmly, there's a good chance you can get your fat head out of there.

Use KY Jelly first, however, around the rim...

it's a bit black over bill's mother's ...

Like it Skydolphin: But Eleanor - you made me laugh out loud!!!! [%sig%]

Steady!

I like those Sky. Always expect the unexpected. Better safe than sorry - but better sorrow than shame. Count your chickens when they've hatched. There's many a true word spoken in jest. Always look on the bright side of life. Let good enough alone. Everything is easy if you don't have to do it yourself. See for yourself.

I was just being helpful.... *smirks*