Tit Watching

What are your techniques?

You see a decent pair of tits walking towards you. You can’t just stare at them because she’s going to suss you out and pull her handbag up to chest level or fiddle with the upper sleeve of her other arm, thus obstructing the view. She’s going to suss you out anyway, but you want to give yourself as much chance as possible of getting the best view.

Now if you’re a bit pissed, sitting outside a bar in Soho with a bottle of wine on the table, there’s nothing whatsoever to stop you watching them as they bounce along the street towards you, and I’m sure we all agree that’s great.

Mind you, you’re more at leg height in this situation, so you may just be sitting there getting caned and watching all the long legs walking past, imagining what gems lie at the top and paying serious attention to skin tones that range from walnut through butterscotch to tobacco leaf.

But back to tits. You’ve spotted them coming towards you, and you know you’ve got to time it just right. There’s so much to take in with that quick glance. Size and firmness for instance. Are there any nipples peeking out to have a look at the world. That’s always a good sign. Cleavage. There’s something about that deep, dark valley that defies explanation. You’ve got to observe all this in about one hundredth of a second.

And there are two reasons why you also need to look upwards. You’ve got to take note of the skin tone of her upper chest and face. That’s a good indication as to her breasts and helps with the overall picture. Are they smooth and swarthy or pale and blotchy? Sometimes you catch site of a decent pair of knockers only to find out the owner looks like my mate Patrick from Glasgow. A big disappointment and very much a let down.

But the second reason is to discover whether she’s sussed you looking at her tits or not.

Tit watching is fraught with perils, for if you’re with your wife you’ve also got to glance at her first as the tits are approaching to see if she’s noticed them too. If so, you have to let them pass and keep an eye out for the next pair. It takes will power but it can be done.

If she hasn’t, then you’re in luck, but you have to perform what I call the sweep manoeuvre. As the tits approach stare straight ahead until they get to within about two metres when you shift your gaze downwards searching for nipples and cleavage, taking note of possible malleability and so on. If the girl has a short skirt and good legs you’re in trouble at this point, for you’re into overload. You need to be looking at the face and eyes now, and such distractions don’t help at all. However if you can stay focused on the tits, you sweep your eyes upwards to take in her face. But you mustn’t linger here, for you need to continue the sweep round to look straight at your wife. It’s important at this stage you find out if you’ve been discovered or not.

A very tricky technique but worth the practice.

Sometimes you can strike it lucky. It’s a hot day and the girl’s wearing a loose-fitting but sheer top and no bra. Nipples like coat hooks. Excellent. Yet there’s nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned pair of huge melons encased in a jumper. There’s no distractions here and you can really take your time appreciating the size and bounce.

Tit watching is a superb pastime and one not to be underestimated, for it helps us along life’s rocky path, adding variety to our earthwalk and brightening up what could otherwise be turning out to be just another mundane day. Medically recommended for increasing blood flow to the heart (and other parts) and generally adding longevity to life.