Playing Piano - Lisah

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Sun, 2006-07-09 22:45

Anonymous

Playing Piano - Lisah

I liked this very much, particularly the strong characterisation. I thought that the plot developed naturally, and the use of lanuguage was appropriate for something of the genre.

All I would say on the crit front is: the last few sentences don't work for me, they're a little unoriginal. Personally, I would have liked it for him to get outsmarted somehow right and the end, but I like a bad ending. Even if you keep it as it is, I'd recommend dropping the 'help me'. It just doesn't seem to fit, for me.

All in all: a cherry and an enjoyable read.

Ben

Sun, 2006-07-09 22:54

Enzo v2.0

oops: http://www.abctales.com/story/lisah/playing-piano

Sun, 2006-07-09 23:02

lisa h

Thanks Ben, what a nice surprise! I don't like the ending myself, and I already had another go at it. I thought about leaving Lenny down there, I quite like a bad ending myself. But this rang as an older kids story, and I didn't want to do that to them. I'll have another go at the ending tomorrow. Thanks again! Lisa

Mon, 2006-07-10 16:25

Juliet OC

Miss Kellaway is a wonderful character that i could picture, and Lenny parents were well observed. I felt Lenny lacked such a strong character but then he is a child and at the mercy of adults so in that sense he worked. the plot is original and certainly keeps you guessing, i feel the end did come up rather abruptly and i would have like just a little more, for example can Lenny still play? Why did he get help when all the other children hadn't? But a really entertaining read. Juliet

Juliet

Mon, 2006-07-10 22:19

lisa h

Thanks for the crit Juliet, looks like I need to go away and tap away a little more. I can see your point on Lenny. I need to include him a little more. Can he still play? You know I don't know, I didn't stay with him long enough to find out! As for the other questions, I could work a little to explain them. Lisa

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