Grit.

As i cherried it i thought it was a nice debut, like to see it developed but a distinctive voice. i particularly liked this line: "ordering dreamy legions of petals to burst up every spring." i thought you could have done more with some of the words and phrases e.g. "favourite chair" is a bit bland. hope this helps. Juliet

i agree- i would love to see it more fully developed as well. your voice was quite dreamy here, and i liked it, but i feel as if you have more to say. this line: "It represents a mass murder of her own fractured multiple self." seemed to break away from your original tone. keep it up- rtavs

I agree with RTavs about that line - it didn't sit well within the piece, and a different phrase would work better there, but I did enjoy the dreamy, wistful tone. Adding to this would be difficult without ruining the atmosphere, and sometimes leaving the reader wanting more is the trick itself.

ooo...good call josie. i do like being left wanting more- works well in dating too.