Red Mist
I watched a programme last night. Red Mist. It was all about anger and rage, and was quite comical in places. Blokes smashing up their own cars and neighbours jumping over the fence at each other, that type of thing. But it got me thinking. What is there that could cause you to really tear up the pea patch?
Some things can just piss you off a little bit. Like when I took my little boy to the Isles of Sheppey for a few days over half term. Leaning forward to wipe my bottom in the morning, I smashed my forehead on the bathroom sink. That pissed me off, but it didn’t really grind my gears, if you know what I mean.
I’m really quite a placid fellow (at least nowadays) but there’s two or three things that get me so mad I could spit nails.
1) Flat-pack wardrobes and desks and the like. I’m convinced that they draw up the instructions so that they make no sense whatsoever, and they do it on purpose. You’ve got all these screws and little metal bits that don’t fit anywhere, and you’re supposed to be able to guess what size they all are. It takes about three nights to build the bleeding thing and as soon as you try and move it the whole contraption just falls over.
2) Time Computers. They have absolutely no after-sales service whatsoever. Now, you can call me old fashioned, but when I fork out £1200 for something I kind of expect to get more than a couple of month’s use out of it. To be told, “Sorry, you bought the ‘cheap arse’ warranty, there’s nothing we can do,” will get me mad as a wet hen. And later on to be told, “Sorry, your warranty’s expired,” and have to argue that although that may be the case, it certainly wasn’t expired two months previous when we first started attempting to get the computer fixed. Never buy a PC from Time, people.
3) Terry Wogan. Many’s the time I’ve been stuck in traffic, flicking through the radio stations and found myself listening to a nice little “oldie but goldie.” Suddenly, Wogan’s voice comes over the airways, irritating me beyond human endurance. In all my life I have never, ever seen or heard Terry Wogan without thinking, “What on earth is this fucking idiot blabbering on about now?” In much the same way as the programme Ally McBeal would be a far more relaxing and entertaining watch if Ally McBeal wasn’t actually in it, Terry Wogan’s show would be quite a mellow listen if someone at the BBC would only just gag the fucker.
So I’m just wondering what really pushes everyone else’s buttons?
