Bambi

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Tue, 2002-02-26 10:16

Bambi

I was thinking a lot about Bambi as I took my shower this morning. Mostly because I'd had a long phone conversation with a friend who always calls me Bambi, but partly because I often think about stupid thinks in the shower.

Well, here's what i was thinking: Bambi is a perfectly fine name when you're a cute little fawn, skipping cutely through the forest with rabbits and skunks, doing cute activities like sniffing flowers (the truth - Bambi and Thumper were drug addicts!) and of the such. But when you're a big, mighty, proud stag and in charge of all the other deer in the forest, resucing them from fires and doing other such daring escapades, Bambi is not a good name. Doesn't exactly command the respect that a name like... I dunno....a better name would.

I bet all the other stags laughed at him.

Tue, 2002-02-26 16:38

e-griff

Flopsy and Mopsy (EEEEOW!) Inspiration just struck me! Off to the dooodah to wripple a few threnodies and plish a few withers. Bye!

Tue, 2002-02-26 17:38

Primate

Bambi was a lovely fawn With hide so very red But my girlfriend wanted venison So now he's very dead :)

Tue, 2002-02-26 17:40

Paul Morgan (ge...

Sounds like you'd appreciate my poem Urban Carnivore (plug plug)

Tue, 2002-02-26 18:13

Vicky

Bambi was a cute wee thing And his mate Thumper too Primate wanted venison And I fancied rabbit stew. We hunted high and low that day Found them curled up in bed Prime strangled the little fawn And I shot the bunny in the head. So now our appetite is eased And are conscence ache's like f**k But hell next week we're out again To cook Jamima Puddle Duck.

Tue, 2002-02-26 18:55

Andrea

Primate's poem broke my heart, I always liked me chow. But fawn an' lamb an' rabbit's parts Are off the menu now.

Tue, 2002-02-26 19:29

Primate

You're still eating duck though Andrea? You're welcome to come round and share Jemima with me and Vicky next week if you like :) The hungry gang from Abc All gathered one spring night To kill some animals for tea Beneath the fading light They hunted high and foraged low With shotgun, knife and noose They killed a badger with one blow And then they shot a moose When all their bags were stuffed with food They went back to their camp And recounted rhymes both nice and rude Beneath the flickering lamp And while they rhymed they cooked the deer The rabbit and the duck, Then ate them with some home-brew beer Then went to bed to read.

Tue, 2002-02-26 19:31

Vicky

naughty naughty....funny though

Thu, 2002-02-28 15:54

Primate

I think it was an honourable draw Vicky :) I had fun too - it's been ages since I wrote anything and I think it cured my block so cheers mate!

Tue, 2002-02-26 19:38

#10

Johnathon_Livin...

I thought Bambi was a deer..

Tue, 2002-02-26 19:40

#11

Vicky

Okay how's this? I'm bored of duck and venison I'm tired of rabbit stew. It's time for ABC to terrorise The local rare breed zoo. We'll break in stealthily at night And catch a panda bear I've heard they're rather tasty If you skin off their hair. How about a zebra dish? With red wine it'd be yummy Added to that a newborn cub Stolen from it's mummy. With peacock stock, and croc garnish A cobra's good I've read/ But if we get bored of all of this We'll just eat the keeper instead See, no references to naughtiness at all..... Pity.

Tue, 2002-02-26 20:24

#12

Andrea

Vic and Prime are naughty peeps With no respect for life. Everything that crawls and creeps Is grist for their sharp knife.

Wed, 2002-02-27 20:04

#13

Andrea

'Ere, what about MY contribution? I want me share.... Moles an' voles an' little foals Might not want to fight. But try messin' with D'rea's goals Regarding copyright!

Tue, 2002-02-26 20:39

#14

Primate

Nonsense M'lud! I'd never kill A dog or cat or monkey: Dogs and cats are good in bed And primates are just funky :)

Tue, 2002-02-26 20:43

#15

Vicky

And here I thought the only funky creatures Were gulls who live at sea For myself I accept the charge NO beast is safe from me.

Tue, 2002-02-26 20:50

#16

Primate

Except Squirrels I hope Vicky? A squirrel is a rancid thing No use for plate nor bed: It's scrawny flesh provides no feast - Let's burn the thing instead!

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:05

#17

Vicky

Now moles on the other hand Are quite a different thing Good handbags, good shag, good grub Can even take them to the pub And if you squeese them tight enough You'll even find they sing.....

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:14

#18

Primate

..before they burst and cover you In blood and guts and gizzards - There's magic in their inner goo The magic of a Wizard! Rub their blood around your head And you'll be ever young - So find that mole and squeeze it dead And lick it with your tongue!

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:28

#19

Vicky

Ahhh if 'tis licking we are getting to There's many an idea Why not try a horny toad Or pig's morning fresh urea? You can get high from many types Of animals excretion, If you try and reach the sky Use cammel's sweat for completion There's also lots of focus groups For addicts, that I've guested But don't forget Always protect Or you'll end up being arrested.

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:30

#20

Mole Liberation...

One more word out of you Mr. Primate and your lawn gets it.

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:33

#21

Paul Morgan (ge...

There was a young gaucho named Bruno Who said there is one thing I do know Women are fine And sheep are divine But the llama is numero uno (anon)

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:37

#22

Primate

I live in a tower-block and don't have a lawn. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Mr Mole he is no more I ate him on a skewer I spat the bones out on the floor And kicked them down the sewer! Can't get me four-eyes! Na na na na na

Tue, 2002-02-26 21:57

#23

Vicky

And up the sewer stole Mr Rat, Good friend of the deceased While evil Primate slept in bed Our hero bravely creaped In one tiny paw he held A pair of butchers shears With one big spip, his job was done At least, so it appears. What did the little creature chop? Well I can tell you it was dire. Lets just say that from that point on Primate spoke that much higher...

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:05

#24

e-griff

Good gOd! what manner of author is this, ramble towards my screen. I woulds't live in infinite bliss, if such stuff were made obscene. A Non

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:08

#25

Primate

..Higher indeed but not from snips Of shears from Mr Rat, For clever Mr Primate Well he's far too smart for that - He was hiding in the cupboard With a decoy in his bed So Mr Ratty missed his chance And chopped the clone instead! Now Primate's voice is high with glee While Ratty's widow weeps - You should never mess with Primate When he's trying to get some sleep...

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:31

#26

Vicky

Ahh But Mrs Rat that clever girl Had guessed what he would do And while Primate was planting clones She visited the zoo. She had a word with Prennelle Her Black widow spider friend Who, shocked at what Primate had done Was determined that it would end. She snuck into that cupboard And patiently she waited Until the scene had all played out And watched the enemy she hated. As Primate laughed his final glee Safe from in his hide Our dark avenger bit his bum And he shrivelled up and died.

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:32

#27

Vicky

oopss...er cried

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:53

#28

Primate

So Primate now is but a ghost A spectre, spirit, shade No longer killing creatures In those sunny woodland glades No longer squeezing out the moles Or reading in his his bed, No longer burning squirrels Filling Bambi with hot lead. But Primate's love of food lives on Stop - can't you hear his laugh As you sit down with your children And tuck in to your giraffe? If you close your eyes and listen You can hear him drifting by Hear his jawbone gently creaking As he bites into his pie You can hear him softly belching As he quietly haunts the air He was struck down by a spider But he'll always be just there...

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:56

#29

Vicky

Okay Okay...you win. You're cleverer than me (not to mention a lot sicker) Goodbye dear departed Primate I'll squish a cute furry animal in out of respect for your memory.....

Tue, 2002-02-26 22:59

#30

The Ghost Of Pr...

Thank you - I'm touched! (Just make sure it's a squirrel...)

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:01

#31

Vicky

Then again. The animals all danced and sang Their torturor was dead No-more cowering in fear It's partytime instead. They drank the night away in glee But as dawn began to creep Vicky came apon them there All passed out in a heap She carried a great axe in her left hand And a mallet in her right She chopped and smashed till the grass glowed red In the rising light. And there she left them to decompose Beneath the great Oak tree Take head animals of furry kind DON'T MESS WITH ABC

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:03

#32

Vicky

You're welcome Primate...thoughI'm still convonced you're actually called Damian

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:04

#33

Vicky

Christ! My typing is bloody awful today

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:12

#34

The Ghost Of Pr...

Nit os bid ass moine. Don't mess with Abc indeed! Top class stuff :) Maybe we should have an Abc BBQ... (In the summer of course)

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:16

#35

Vicky

I'm up for that...kill your own...or just butcher bring and barb

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:23

#36

Primate

And we could start the day with a bring and barb sale in aid of the homeless :)

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:28

#37

Vicky

Primate, the animals are only homeless cause u keep smashing up their digs...fairs fair. I don't mean to quibble...it's a small point I know.... OH...ur serious? AHHHhhhhh. So the food's already vacume packed from tescos huh? Kinda takes the fun out of it....but well...good cause an' all...

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:32

#38

Primate

If it's not kill-your-own then I'm not going. Damn charity - mindless violence to animals wins every time :)

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:34

#39

Vicky

Oh it's not mindless.... I know exactly what I'm doing... Sooooooo. Tell me. Are u gonna go nuts if I tell u I'm actually a vegetarian?

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:43

#40

Primate

Hmmm. Well I'm slightly disappointed to be sure. But I suppose I can forgive you. As long as you slaughter the odd marrow or two?

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:47

#41

Vicky

No..no...you don't understand. I don't EAT animals. Killing them is fine....

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:48

#42

Vicky

...the marrows had it comming too

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:52

#43

Primate

In that case you are fine and dandy with me! Finally - someone who is willing to share the mindless slaughter but who doesn't want to eat any of the bag themself. My pantry will be bulging at the seams :)

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:53

#44

Vicky

s'okay...you can supply the booze

Tue, 2002-02-26 23:59

#45

Primate

Sounds like a good deal to me!

Wed, 2002-02-27 00:06

#46

Vicky

By the way. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoyed a brothel of sorts? That was u right?...Oops better check.... Yup, that was u.

Wed, 2002-02-27 00:33

#47

Primate

Thank you :) I'm very proud of that poem - it's one of the few I'm completely satisfied with!

Wed, 2002-02-27 08:56

#48

beef

Thanks you guys, this thread was just what I needed to wake me up properly! (though I got coffee up my nose cos I was laughing!) :-)

Wed, 2002-02-27 09:52

#49

Vicky

You're welcome beef, Ever willing to serve... *takes cap off and bows*

Fri, 2002-03-01 01:18

#50

Vicky

Pleasure

Wed, 2002-02-27 11:35

#51

CMEast

Pure genius, is this copyrighted or may I send it to my friends? Sod it, Ill point them this way.

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