Eyres &; Graces Tea Shop

Oooh, look at the time! And no widescreen telly! Wonderful.... *settles down to scoff creamy cakes in peace*

P'raps you could open new premises, Fish? *splat*

*hangs on with one hand while grabbing last remaining 200 drop scones with the other*

re-enters the cafe....spreading rose petals as he walks towards his table...hugs and kisses liana, fish, ari, andrea........just hugs proxy, gives him a monkey, orders a round of cream teas for everyone...plumps up cushions everywhere......smiles....hugs everyone again.....life is good

..perhaps the 'Whip 'n' Cream'? *stamps on Hox's one remaining hand*

awwwwwww bless him.....

*offers to buy the place and rename it "Ye Olde Footballe Pubbe". Wonders who stabbed him with a knitting needle and slapped him with a wet fish*

You know WHY he did that though don'cha? It was the favourable result in the ball-kicking event which cannot be named in Eyres and Graces. But enough of that. Are there any saturday jobs going?

o o o w w w w w w w w w w w w ch

ooooooh yes janey ! *hands a frilly pinny over* I hear tell the wages are MUCH better here....

Wot, better than Beckhams? I'll give up me day job...

*wakes up on the pavement this time* "note to self: stay awake when the sh1t hits the fan or you'll never catch up" *walks back in to see the kick off. Stands there for 2 hours while England show how magnificent they can be when their skills and energy are combined.* "What do you mean he dived you cheatin' bast@rd!!! you just pushed him to the floor!!!" "note to self: arrange slow death of Batistuta. Use same hitman hired for Simione, might get group doscount" *when all is over, sees Martin ordering a backhander to quash the imminent 'chuckin' out'. Decides to sit nearby and be quiet. sits and licks cream off self.*

is this a lock-in, serving cakes and pastries past licencing hours ?

Only to the favoured few, Martin dear.

get out get out i tell you ... before its too late!

Imb sphtill eathinh myb sconth

*breezes in with fresh batch of cinnamon buns* rightio ... things are gonna change round here ... proxy has new superpowers ... and this evening we are hosting the abc Knitting Circle (which i believe hox has now joined) ... so smarten up a bit everyone ... we have standards here!

*Still trying to buy Mini Motty a drink* Anyone know the football result?

no doc ... but i am quite willing to demonstrate to you how to turn a heel ... a skill i expect you are sadly lacking ... now get your elbows off the table and SIT UP STRAIGHT!

Liana. See I spelt it right at last. (So that's why I was thrown out of the tea shop) You're probably the same age as me.

*returns in stunning beige cardy* do you have any lager-flavoured tea? vindaloo scones?

are you here for the Knitting Circle Mr. Eye?

oh yes fishyperson. *removes copy of GQ magazine from cardy pocket and opens to reveal article on Arran willy-warmers* I'm thinking of doing one in Oatmeal and Cerise; what do you think?

Sure you dont want it in white with a red "go faster" stripe Hox dear?

liana's age is........ *is grabbed by hook-like thing and taken from thread before he can say anything more*

I would, but I've only got 17 balls of red wool. S'pose I could do the other side in blue...........

Can I bring my football? Promise not to wear my Cobblers' shirt.

I would like to announce the appointment of our 6 ft 7" bouncer, who goes by the name "Proxy" and is MOST offended by talk of Cups of the World variety. Who KNOWS what he would get up to if he even so much as SMELT a football...

I am as less-refined as they come, so you'd better stock up on the coffee. But I can behave if necessary. I'll be back later. I must have my velvet cape and silk top hat cleaned first, then Ruggles will bring around the carriage.

that sound like JUST the thing we are looking for Justyn dear... do you have a red silk smoking jacket?

*walks innocently pass the bouncer, having cunningly concealed his world cup wall chart under his jumper* I'll have a cup of tea please....and can i have it in "the world cup"......

*reels back in horror and squeals for Proxy*

good heavens liana ... have we been invaded by oiks? ... i dont mean that nice mr. thyme of course ...

*slups tea noisily from his world cup*

*fans self with some A4 poetry papers* *cranes neck nervously out of door looking for Mr. Thyme*

"Hiya" "yeah, Ah'll just have a cupp of tea." "Is it alright if I smoke?" "No I just don't see any ashtrays..." "What? Okay, okay..." "I've always prefered smoking in the rain anyway..." "Will you do us a favour and look after me bag, Ah divvn't want any bugger stealing it...." "No it's fine, a tea towel will be fine, no I wouldn't have expected the dye to come out of this tea shirt either..." "No, I can't smell wet dog." "Have you got any scones?"

my word they cant even slurp properly ... how are we going to attract a better class of customer do you think? should we have an elegant launch party?

*flexes knuckles menacingly*

proxy dear ... just get rid of these oiks for me ... i might have to mop up after ... *sighs*

*tugs bowtie, shakes neck and strides into tearoom* *glares, menacingly*

yes ... those three over there ... mind you i AM surprised at that mr. kalve behaving in such a way ... i thought he was educated ... *tuts* and try not to get any blood on the parquet, proxy, there's a dear ...

Ouch. I've just been slapped round the head with some Czech poetry. *grumbles into his Cup of the World's tea* ("Don't they have any beer here.....? Oi, waitress: turn it onto ITV1. The f**tb*ll highlights are on in a minute, love.....") <>

"...And a plate of your finest VINDALOO!!!!"

Bet Mr. Kalve is pleased he is already familiar with theinside of a certain UNDERTAKERS!!!!!! *holds Proxy back*

you can take the boy out of Kingsthorpe ... but you cant take Kingsthorpe out of the boy ... etc. *folds arms and glares at mr. kalve*

OOO Kingsthorpe?? KINGSTHORPE?????? Moulton for the Cup What? Gerroff, Proxy.... I haven't even finished my cafe au lait yet. Aargh! Referee! Did you see that??

*opens door to ease mr. kalve's ejection*

straight to st. crispins, proxy, and no deviation ...

Not the self-cuddling jacket again.... noooooo

Is it ok if i wear my jeans and tee shirt? I may look a little rough on the outside but i'm very refined inside, as my partner Ladywriter will confirm.