Happiness is a warm keyboard=I live to and love to write

Happiness is a warm keyboard and more than ever…it’s providing my escape from a sad reality.

My guiding light, my shinning star, has gone out. The loss of my love, my spouse, my heart has changed the trajectory of my world.

He encouraged my writing, championed my efforts and was the daily voice threaded through decades of my life. The love we shared was my muse when I created the hero and heroine of a tale; he was forefront in my thoughts, always.

What do you do with the love you feel when the one you love is no longer there?

I’ve no response.

The road ahead isn’t familiar territory to me because the plans we’d made are over without him; they can’t be realized and I have to walk this path alone, but I don’t know how.

It isn’t just the empty space beside me; it’s the emptiness within me.

The strangest reality is realizing I don’t know myself. 

Oh, I know my opinions of course, but we’d always shared decisions and compromised when necessary. There was a blend of personality that became us. And we’d plan the next step and know we’d enjoy the outcome but now, as me,…I’m lost and frozen at this step.

Before him….before I was eighteen and fell in love with a wonderful person, I think I was bolder. Of course youth had a lot to do with that optimistic outlook, and I don't have the same drive or dreams as I did then.

The time between meeting him and losing him has been filled with decades of ‘us’. So the question is: who am I now that half of who I am is missing?

Perhaps my pain is raw, too early in my loss to see the dawn...if there is one.

I’m told by well meaning people, I need to wait, give it time, then I will find my way again.

But will I?

Will a hundred days or a hundred years make a difference to the deep break in my heart? I won’t see him again in my lifetime or hear his voice, that is a fact and will not change with time.

Forget him? Could I? No - never.

His voice was the music in my life, his heartbeat was my rhythm. We were too intertwined for too many years for me to ever forget our dance.

Acceptance-

That’s the most probably outcome with time.

Acceptance, that I’m still here and he will not return

Acceptance  

to find my reason to move forward.

Writing

That's where I can still find moments of happiness.

That warm keyboard, where I create worlds that have happy endings, forever-afters, with characters I’ll never lose - that's a place of welcoming peace - for a time anyway.

At my desk, typing out a tale until night falls…before the empty space in my life looms again

Acceptance may come in time - accepting the overwhelming sorrow will never go away.

It’s the best I can hope for as I drift off to sleep.That this constant twitch of pain will dull.

Accept that what is lost to me will not return but...

My love for him will never die...I will never stop missing him. 

Love is the emotion, once stirred, that lives on for eternity even though we do not.

So hug the ones you love daily- be present in each moment you share for they will shine  all the days of your life....that is eternity.

Thanks for listening

https://www.abctales.com/story/penny4athought/willows-missing-tail-26