Vanity Publishing

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Vanity Publishing

Hello, you naughty ABC’s!
Remainder-Bin-Laden here, the World’s Most Wanted terrorist and aspiring author.
I was wondering if any of you cats out there have had a book published by the Vanity presses?
My book, ‘The Ticking Holdall’ was published by Seamus O’Timing-Device at Semtext Vanity Publications and Strategic Personnel Elimination Services Ltd.
The book cost $250,000 in used notes. (Is this the going rate?). I received 5 free copies and I was assured that the other 5 million copies (Limited Edition Hardback Holgraph Imprint) would be sold at Britain’s most prestigious Literary Outlet – Faber & Chucks of Northern England. If there are any Englishy persons reading this, please tell me if you have bought a copy. Is the Faberchuck Emporium truly as fabulous as Seamus says it is? Are my books really in the hallowed remainder bin, next to Jeffrey Archer’s?
Seamus says the restaurant rivals the Ritz. And the waitresses are crackers.

Bye, bye, chickadees!

Please reply to binboy@bangbangholdall.con

Anonymous's picture
Dear Remainder, I confirm that we have agreed with Seamus that The Ticking Holdall should be our next Book of the Month recommendation. Pleased also to announce that our overseas sales department has obtained a “license” from the FO to export to a number of interested parties (subject to translation/printing issues), some of which have already expressed an interest in receiving a sequel…(suggestions: Calibre .22, The Accidental Terrorist…)
Anonymous's picture
Cakeshop of the Month! Funkadelic! Praise Guevara and pass the Kalashnikov! mmm… who are these 'interested parties?' It couldn't possibly be… no… never…not Fidel? Worthiness is not mine!! Cool Daddy titles there, hipkid. Can we have the 'Book of the Month' presentation at the fabled Faber & Chucks Publishing Emporium? I wish to recruit that happenin' chick Cousin Hilda to run my Covert Whippet Operations. She could also do some cookin for us here in Tachukkistan. I hear her conny-onny butties are trigger-finger-lickin-good. Afghan Stan. asks me to say a big 'HELLO' to Cousin Hildy Lou. He wants her to come and teach us Firing Line Dancing. Vive La Revolution! Remainder-Bin Laden
Anonymous's picture
hello there mr laden there and well done with the old cake of the month thing there! don't know about that there ta-chuck's but over here we often troop down to aaargh! duck!'s and i'm just wondering there whether it's being the same kind of thing or not... by the way there i hear your sequel there's going to be called Keep The Acme Mortar know that you'll be more than welcome there if you're wanting to launch it over at aaargh! duck!'s...
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