Something For The Weekend

My friend sent me this, you may have seen it before but it made me laugh.

How true is this...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...........................49
Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates
Athletic.........................No t*ts
Average looking.............Has a face like an arse
Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.......... Does a lot of pills
Educated.......................Was f*cked to bits at Uni
Emotionally Secure........On medication
Feminist........................Bad hair and no dress sense
Free spirit......................Junkie
Friendship first...............Former sl*t
Fun...............................Annoying
Gentle...........................Dull
Good Listener................Autistic
New-Age.......................Body hair problems
Old-fashioned................No BJs or anal
Open-minded................Desperate
Outgoing.......................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.....................Sloppy drunk
Poet..............................Depressive
Professional...................B*tch
Romantic.......................Frigid
Social............................F@nny like a clowns pocket
Cuddly...........................Fat
Voluptuous....................Very Fat
Large lady......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate............Stalker
Widow............................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Maybe
3. Maybe = No
4. We need... = I want...
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = But you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good film onTV
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = Yes
2. No = No
3. Maybe = Maybe
4. I am hungry = I am hungry
5. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
6. I am tired = I am tired
7. Nice dress = Nice tits
8. I love you = Let's have sex
9. I am bored = Let's have sex
10. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
11. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
13. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
14. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
15. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
16. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
17. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person because I'd like to have sex with you.

Have a good weekend everyone

Ralph