What A Shame!

99 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Fri, 2005-02-18 10:54

What A Shame!

So poor old Big Ears and Rat Face have had to forgo the pomp of Windsor castle for their forthcoming regularisation of their shagfest. Oh, how my heart bleeds for them. Apparently they were applying for a licence for the stately pile to become a venue for the sickening do. The problem IS that these licences run for three years, and that would open the way for every serf in the land to get married there! It seems the head bitch can't contemplate common scum soiling her carpets, so she's vetoed it. They now have to use the local registry office. SHAME!

Can this be the same person, who when the barbecue got out of hand a few years back, was convinced we were all going to put our hands in our pockets to pay for the repairs? And SHE, the richest woman in all of christendom! She was gutted to find out that although we own the place, we weren't inclined to pay for her privileges, in the full knowledge that WE would NEVER get to see the results.

Time for a republic methinks!

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:13

mississippi

Anybody that would want to play voyeur at a Big Ears shagathon should be certified.

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:15

Radiodenver

I'd watch.

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:16

flash

Has Noddy's friend got a date then?

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:18

Radiodenver

It would be interesting to see which had the harriest ass.

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:25

mississippi

Christ, you're disgusting!

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:33

Radiodenver

We could take bets. I've seen hairy asses before...it's no big thing.

Thu, 2005-04-07 10:19

Lizzie

As I said on the pope's pooped thread. Do you think someone in Monaco might have the bright idea of burying Prince Ranier on Saturday?!!! (Please)

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:39

mississippi

I'm slipping up here, missing out 'important' developments of the day, so to speak... So after shouting his gob off about not changing his sentencing date, he relents the next day, ostensibly out of respect for the dead guy in Rome. The reality of it all is he had no option. No no, not that he had been ORDERED to postpone it, but simply because half his 'A' list guests were going to the barbie, leaving Big Ears without an audience to flaunt his delectable bride in front of. (Guffaws uncontrollably)

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:44

#10

Radiodenver

Are you the court chronicle? I'm sure he'd get a ration of shit if he held a wedding the same day of the pope's burial.

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:49

#11

archergirl

They really need to have a royal astrologer to help plan things. According to a very well noted astrologer, Charles and Di got married under an eclipse; Di was killed shortly before a similar eclipse. Chuck and Lady #2 first wedding date was ALSO on an eclipse. The good pope helped avert an eclipsed wedding (perhaps by 'eclipsing' them with his own demise, R.I.P.), but their SECOND wedding date is set under a 'void of course' moon. VOC moon are interpreted as 'nothing will come of it'. Hmmm. Is someone trying to tell them something? Perhaps they should just elope to Scotland and then stay in some crofter's hut for the honeymoon? Just thought I'd throw that in there for ya *wink*.

Tue, 2005-04-05 23:59

#12

Radiodenver

Oooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooooooo There's an Eclipse this Friday!

Wed, 2005-02-23 10:44

#13

mississippi

Sorry, I can't let this 'diary of a disaster' go. Head bitch won't be attending!!! She's also banned Big Ear's mate from organising the trough trampling afterwards. HOW old is he? He lets his Doris lay down the law regarding his own sentencing? I've even less respect for the jug-eared wimp now. Neither will the bro's and sis. SHE apparently is not too fond of the ugly sister, on account of the fact that ugly stole her FIRST husband from horse face! Making a bit of a career out of it then isn't she?

Wed, 2005-04-06 00:03

#14

archergirl

ha ha! In Aries. Watch the head-butting.

Wed, 2005-04-06 00:25

#15

mississippi

But of course all that astrology crap is only relevant to believers. And 'I' ain't. Are THEY though?

Fri, 2005-02-25 17:42

#16

mississippi

Well Ian, since you asked......???????.......???????.

Sat, 2005-03-26 20:05

#17

mississippi

So the head bitch is giving the ugly sister her personal coat of arms as a wedding gift! I suppose that saves her having to peruse the wedding list and hot-footing it down to the camel-jockeys for some napkins. Public opinion is now so anti Come-in-and Park-Yer-Balls that the best thing she can do is decline the offer of marriage and settle for being head bed-pan.

Sat, 2005-03-26 20:34

#18

Flash

lovely easter programme on telly scheduled for tomorrow about her majesty at windsor castle....not!!!! Should be interesting...infuriating...and a lot of other ing ending words. Royalspongingbluebloodwankytosspotsnobbyarseholebastards. I bloody hate them.

Wed, 2005-04-06 11:13

#19

stephen_d

As i grow a bit older and understand a bit more about our constitution and the society where we live i have to say ' i don't mind our royal family and feel they are trying to move with the times, so give them abreak'. As for the republic i hate to think of what some city councils in the Uk might get up to if they where not aligned to westminster.

Wed, 2005-04-06 11:15

#20

stephen_d

and what the hell would we get from the state to the republic an impossible task unless given at least fifty years work in to it before it happened, if you understand what i mean.

Wed, 2005-04-06 11:16

#21

stephen_d

not 'what', how

Sat, 2005-03-26 21:54

#22

mississippi

Woo hoo! thar she blows! Don't mince ya words flashy, say what ya mean. I'm wit choo baby.

Sat, 2005-03-26 22:02

#23

Orilly

Hi there. Is it possible to detect a presence, even before it's made itself known? Mmmmm.

Fri, 2005-02-25 21:18

#24

mississippi

This is funnier than Monty Python.... The old bitch has (apparently) told Big Ears He can't have a BANQUET!!! He has to make do with a BUFFET!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fri, 2005-02-25 21:25

#25

John

I thought it was Monty Python. It makes me laugh as much.

Fri, 2005-02-25 22:04

#26

justyn_thyme

A Royal Wedding Farce? What other kind is there?

Sat, 2005-02-19 20:03

#27

mississippi

Oh dear, it appears the ugly sister is miffed that she can't be princess at her own ball in the castle! Altogether now..... aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sat, 2005-04-09 18:38

#28

mississippi

OK, own up you lot, WHO watched it?

Sat, 2005-04-09 18:44

#29

Hox

I had better things to do - two new tyres needed on the car, so I spent most of the time in Quickfit

Sat, 2005-04-09 19:50

#30

Dan

I had better things to do too, like laying on the sofa and staring into space. (actually I think i was gardening)

Sat, 2005-04-09 19:56

#31

Flash

Did something happen?

Fri, 2005-02-18 11:21

#32

Tony Cook

I want to be a citizen not a subject!

Sat, 2005-04-09 19:58

#33

Liana

i plumbed in my washing machine, rigged up mp3 to stereo and played zuma.

Tue, 2005-02-22 17:04

#34

mississippi

Hot off the wire... Apparently civil marriages are prohibited for 'Boilty'! YES!!! What to do? Well 'they' say it needs an act of parliament to allow Big Ears to wed at the registry office. If he goes ahead, it seems Gods representative has threatened to turn up and oppose the wicked scheme.

Sat, 2005-04-09 20:59

#35

1legspider

Well good luck to them I say...

Wed, 2005-04-06 13:23

#36

mississippi

Sorry Stephy, but no, I haven't a clue what you mean. All those people who baulk at the word 'republic' seem to think it means our way of life would be different. The only difference would be that instead of spending millions on obnoxious parasites, we'd have a leader we could call to account and sack regularly. In fact just the same as now, but without the wanky windsors.

Fri, 2005-02-18 15:16

#37

tai

ooh mississippi, Does that mean I can marry there too. hmmmmm my boyfriend will be worried now!rofl My motto is live and let live, I don't care where they marry as long as I can marry there too. The are a little sad couple who have been sneaking around for years. About time they legitamised the coo cooing, imo. Your comment re the fire, made me smile. Jasper, nice to hear you talking sense! Yes you can direct anger positively and productively if you want to. Tai

Fri, 2005-02-18 16:16

#38

mississippi

Sorry tai, you're down the registry office like the rest of us. Exjasperated, don't bother addressing ANYTHING to me as I no longer read posts with your wanky name on them, including the crap above, whatever it is. GOT IT!

Fri, 2005-02-18 16:21

#39

radiodenver

I know the Battle Hymn of The Republic. Is there a Battle Hymn of The Monarchy? *my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord...* They made a movie out of it, The Grapes of Wrath....

Fri, 2005-02-18 16:25

#40

mississippi

Oh they made a movie about our lot too. It was called 'Caligula'.

Fri, 2005-02-18 16:27

#41

radiodenver

That was a good movie.....I don't remember any singing in it though.

Thu, 2005-04-07 13:38

#42

mississippi

Well I'm all in favour of that, Lizzie. Then we can dig the dope up and re-bury him on Sunday. And on Monday....

Fri, 2005-02-18 16:45

#43

mississippi

They were playing good tunes on old fiddles.

Sat, 2005-04-09 22:37

#44

Dan

I rock at zuma

Fri, 2005-02-18 18:55

#45

martin_t

captain exjapserated, i think that's an improvement on captain paranoia

Sun, 2005-02-20 21:29

#46

mississippi

It's getting better than Rearenders by the day! ComeInAnd ParkYerBalls has tossed a tantrum cos head bitch has banned the reception from the castle, and Harry boy has told Big Ears that unless he reverses his ban on his teenage crumpet, (described by Big Ears as 'puppy love'. Surely that was a hit for Donny Osmond?), he won't turn up. Head Bitch has banned Big Ears from giving anymore of the nations favourite dead grannys' jewelry to ParkYerBalls, partly on the basis that the corpse liked Diana and disapproved of BallsPark, whom she considered a 'marriage wrecker'! As Big Ears was apparently parking his balls the night before his wedding, I find that a bit wealthy.

Sun, 2005-02-20 21:38

#47

AJ/Katrina

oooh keep 'em coming I just love asides re: uses word loosely 'them wiv more money than us= royalty' rich bastards who gives a shit?

Wed, 2005-04-06 16:33

#48

emily yaffle

Have you seen this month's Viz, Missi? Top scientist reveals that after Charles marries, he is inevitably going to have an affair with someone one twentieth as attractive as his wife - given Camilla's 'Clock-stopping' appearance, they speculate that Anne Widdicombe must be next...

Tue, 2005-03-22 20:20

#49

mississippi

OH NO! It's been said that under current English law, the ugly sister WILL become queen if/when Big Ears becomes king. They don't get it (to borrow a phrase from boy blunder) at all. She will NEVER be accepted by the British people as anything other than the slapper who bedded Big Ears the night before his wedding. If this is the truth, they are both turds in my book. However I digress. The Guildhall room used for weddings has apparently undergone a makeover. How fortuitous is that? It is said (by the Wail) that the room is used for 'meetings', but my private source tells me that the 'meetings' usually take the form of inquests and coroners courts. Does this bode well for the future of the two donkeys? The celebratory mug has been displayed also, along with its price tag of 20 quid. I hope they haven't made more than a few dozen, they would look so trashy on stalls at boot fairs.

Sun, 2005-02-27 20:30

#50

megan

really i dont care !!

Tue, 2005-03-22 20:29

#51

Radiodenver

Couldn't Charles recuse himself from being king?

Pages

Topic locked