Yutka: Light and Death

3 posts / 0 new

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Fri, 2005-04-08 12:52

I like it very much, but feel it needs sharpening up a little....might I suggest:

Neithers sky arouse storms
nor should storms encourage oceans.
No,
winds blow free from both,
Tearing through space
as you fleet through my mind.

Tue, 2005-04-12 11:50

Yutka

Hello Jasper I like your comments as they are positive and will think about it. But should did you not mean: Neither sky arouses storms...? You have made a good point. Thanks! [%sig%]

Fri, 2005-04-08 16:03

maxwell eddison

um, I tried. Too many shadows, darks, lights, minds, graves and shit.

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