ABC Odious Round Robin II

... sad we are to report that Uncle Tony slipped and fell from the roof during the renovations ... fortunately he fell on his head and thus - apart from a little impairment in the judgement centres - he is more or less indistinguishable from his old self ... still goosing indiscriminately at the family gatherings and necking cheap sherry on the porch ... bless ...

Auntie Maisie has made a full recovery from the tinsel thong burn from last Christmas. Still gets a tear in her eye when Uncle Jack uses the cheese wire too brusquely, poor love. Little Oliver and Maud are still taking their oboe and cello lessons. Their teacher says their progress has been unusual and somewhat avant-garde, so much so she's recommending them to another teacher and taking a long holiday in an ashram in Nepal. As you know, Arthur has been suffering from a large but benign (he says!) growth between his legs. It has been suggested that we hang some Christmas lights on it in case it becomes a hazard to shipping. . . Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

Tabatha has a provisional acceptance from Cheltenham Ladies College next year to read flossing and deportment. Her yeast infection has improved dramatically - thanks for that tip about mango chutney. We haven't seen so much of cousin Arthur this year, probably due to a combination of the inclement weather and the restraining order. Elizabeth got a judges commendation for her clematis at the village fete in August, just reward for all those long nights in the shed. I do worry about her spending so much time down there,but she doesn't seem to mind. Sorry to end on a down note, but my flatulence has worsened despite the treatments, so we won't be able to visit on Boxing Day....

....although aided by a trailing wind, I did record a new personal best time for completing the London Marathon this year.

... and boosted by my success I'm thinking of doing it on foot next year. The dogs are fine but we had to shave old Bobby for his hernia operation. The vet said he could have done it but we saved thirty pounds in vets bills by doing it ourselves. We got the right area on the eighth attempt after grandma looked up hernias in the 'Readers Digest book of canine anatomy' (waste of money indeed!). Poor Bobby looks a bit odd now but we've covered most of the bald spots with some patches grandma knitted in Xmas colours (I suggested just black ones so we could pass him off as a dalmation but apparently they're a lot bigger than yorkshire terriers). He seems happy enough and he sleeps with his knackers towards the fire.

The children are all doing fine - fit and strong and healthy. But Rowena gets out next year and we're worried that she may have outgrown our petty larcency by then.

Speakng of petty larcency, our youngest, Pepsoid, continues to write.

Well it’s that time of the year to take stock once more. The consanguineous relations have come and gone, as have the relations with Amy my wife. I tried to explain it’s not uncommon or even wrong in these enlightened times, to kiss one's gardener in the shed. I admit we had little on in the way of clothing, but it’s been an uncommonly mild winter. Mind you as I type this on my laptop in said garden shed, if it wasn’t for the old gas heater in here I might well have frozen to death, due to last night’s snow. The camp bed is - in the circumstances relatively comfortable. The children Freddie and Zoe are doing very well at the local primary school with its large ethnic background. We of course are not prejudiced in any way, but I do think it’s a bit rich to have an Arab child playing the part of Jesus in the school Nativity, when you consider what their people did to him. And how long does bloody Hanukah go on for anyway? Mind you we did fall about laughing when the children got their knickers in a bit of a twist when they sang ‘We Wish You A Merry Diwahli’ to the tune of ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas.’ Gramps is in fine form, he so loves little Jimmy my nephew coming round. He takes his teeth out (Gramps not little Jimmy) and makes all sorts of gurning faces at him, which has Jimmy in fits of laughter. Jimmy jumps up and down on his lap in excitement and it’s wonderful to see the joy spread across Gramps face as he does so. But Gramps is very considerate he’ll often say, “Let’s not annoy your parents, we’ll go upstairs and play up there. I’ve got some sweeties.” And they’re normally as good as gold, you rarely hear any noise, save for a few sighs from Gramps. Children can be very taxing. We seem to be over the worst of Bob’s suicide in the States this time last year. He always said that the Feds would never get him. We do miss his humorous emails though, from the various Internet cafes that he was in from state to state. He would give us clues and we’d have to guess which state he was in. I wonder if the Feds intercepted our emails? Oh well toodlepip I’ll catch up with you all next year.