Noob here.

Always post a link to the work you're discussing: http://www.abctales.com/node/553917 I can't read the Prologue and Chapter 1 because of my work's profanity detector. Chapter 2 goes on from there, so it's a confusing place to start. There's a lot of random information to wade through before I get to the character, who initially doesn't seem to be of great interest. What's her angle? What's different about her? "The guy gave me $25 and was finished in three minutes. I hardly even noticed he was there. And I couldn't believe how silly it all was. Scared? Maybe a little. But you know what? That man loved me." This is bewildering. How does she know the man loved her if it was all over in three minutes? Through the rest of the chapter, the character seems to be depicting herself as your bog-standard bohemian. Again - and this is perhaps due to missing the prologue - I had no idea what was supposed to be interesting about her. Why are we hearing her story? Is it just centered around her career as a prozzie? Some good pacing with the sentences and paragraphs - there's a strong instict for rhythm there. But I think individual chapters are going to need to be longer, with a lot more personal detail and incidents, sketching the general surroundings and era for context, rather than roping them in as part of the story.

It's not even a very clever profanity detector. Bah.

i found this hard going because they is to much tell and not enough show, i want to find out about the characters for myself through their actions, and not be told what to think about them. I want their personalities to emerge slowly so i can have moments of 'ah, i think i get what makes you tick' it makes me feel clever as a reader. IMO use the first draft as notes, then actually write the story as it happens - draw the reader in to your world. Juliet