RE: Him *work in progress*

Topic posted in response to Him *work in progress* : http://www.abctales.com/story/theysayimnasty87/him-work-in-progress

Hey I wrote this 5 years ago and I want to take it up again. Anyone care to read this and give a quick critique? I want to create a passionate, emotional story of newly-out gay friends/lovers. I want to add some good mystery to it as well, which i think can work thanks to my first "chapter". I also want the Owl to be a reoccurring factor in the story. Something about a wise owl watching these things take place interests me.