Happiness is a warm keyboard=I live to and love to write

‘Fire and Rain’ is playing on the radio, James Taylor’s rich voice is singing…

’but I always thought that I’d see you again”…

Tears form easily in my eyes these days and this line makes them fall.

‘Walking my mind to an easy time’….another line in the song perfectly describes what I’m trying to do every day and every night.

Writing helps me to focus, helps me release some of the muddled, painful feelings whipping through my mind. It is an outlet, but it doesn’t take away the pain of loss.

I realized I never fully understood what the term ‘broken heart’ meant, a description thrown about in most love stories, but I know now it is more than words, it is a physical pain, and it is real.

So the time I spend focusing on the next chapter of a story or on a poem of random thoughts gives me a much needed alternate reality. And for a time, I can forget the sadness of only one pillow with an imprint on it, and one lone cup of coffee in the sink.

I’ve been told after great loss change is inevitable and I accept that, more so because I have to. There are choices to be made but when your mind is awash with pain and your soul is shivering, it’s difficult to know what to choose. What I want do isn’t clear and I can’t make a life altering decision without clarity, so while I wait for clarity, I write.

My writing may not be with the caliber of thought I’m use to…it is slower to form…but it’s coming back and I am grateful for that. But most of what I write these days is for no purpose, nothing post able, random starts and stops, scribbles of half formed ideas but eventually, it can lead me back into the tale and a post able chapter.

Somewhere there are answers to the great mystery of life but searching for them on this side of the veil is impossible. It takes faith to get through a day and faith is not testable and therein resides my deepest pain.

If I could only hear your voice telling me you’re okay I would sleep well, but the only voice I hear is mine, questioning where you are…

Thanks for listening....