RE: Cloudmind: Chapter Eighteen

I agree with Stan- I read alot on my phone during teabreaks and massive blocks of text are uncomfortable to read. Reading on a computer screen is also difficult. I did start chapter 1 of Cloudmind, and thought it interesting, but it just couldn't keep hold of my deficient attention span. Odd though, that Tolstoy managed to lasso and tie down my errant and fickle brain with my favourite book of all-time, 'War and Peace,' which totals well over 560,000 words. Is it possible (god smite me with lightening for such blasphemy) that your storytelling needs work?

Just taken a look, and have to say I wouldn't even attempt to read such a solid block of text on-screen, never mind having a go at a crit. The advice given has been good. The ungracious reception of it hasn't, alas. http://www.ukauthors.com

Hi Djsdude, When I joined Abc two years ago, I presumed my writing was masterful and would be loved by a great many people, so when someone had the audacity to suggest that I chop lengthy short stories into bits, I quietly refused, as would any other self-proclaimed genius. I also hated poetry and picked a fight with the main man, Tony Cook, about politics when I was in blackout. I only realised I'd done it when a writer emailed me privately to ask if I thought I should apologise. At first, I thought 'for what?' and then I saw it and gulped. I have to say that I have learnt more from writers and poets on Abc than in all my time writing, which spans back thirty odd years. I've learn that a novel needs a constant source of renewed energy and form that offers emotive highs and lows throughout. I love writing poetry now that I've opened my heart to its beauty, and it's pretty much all thank to the Abc community. I hope you stick about. Don't be afraid to work the fidgets out of yourself on whatever it is that gets your goat (it's usually more to do with our obstinacy than writing!). Have a listen to your gut and be open to the advice of other writers. Check out other writers websites. In my view, none come even close to the bond you'll find here. Give it time and check some other people's work, how they've set it out. I was just like you and still don't do too many breaks but at least I've learnt to shorten shorts to about 1500 words max (5 to 10 min read) because people just won't go at it unless they know that the writer will deliver. Welcome aboard, fellow angst-riddled lover of contest. You'll be fine here.

Thanks Blighters. For softening the blow, as well as everything else. Thanks Stan, my ego is now so shrivelled away that nought but an electron microscope would be able to pick it up. I seriously take on board everything that everyone above has said and will... I'm going to stand in the corner now. Anyone got any stinging nettles?

I just went to read chapter 21, but I couldn't finish it. I haven't followed the series, but I have read one or two, so I don't really know what's going on. The storyline is interesting and original, but the format is eye-watering. You mention the old fashioned paper-based novel- next time you pick one up you'll notice that they too split text into paragraphs. Even if you scorn the white space, I'd recommend at least pressing return once and dividing your text up a bit. Paragraphs make it easier on the eye and they add structure to the story. I was intrigued enough by the storyline to want to start from the beginning, but I'm afraid the format puts me right off

Well nettles are out of season, so I've been whipping myself with bluebells instead. Thank you very much sid for taking the time to give my work a chance. I am going to edit the chapters and admit I was wrong to rant off and apologise to anyone I offended.

I was going to give you the raspberry that you prefer, in view of the contrition in your last two responses I've decided to hang on to it. Welcome to the site djsdude.