Insults...

your mum owes my dog change

To turn around and say "You sir, are a slugfest" or `Madam` of course.

I was always partial to "Do you have to practice being a bitch or does it just come naturally?" As far as single word insults, I probably have too much to say to leave it at one word. However, I do use "whore" alot.

kurwa ("kurvah") is "whore" in Polish, and not something you want to say to just anyone. Fightin' words, you see.

a good putdown has to be short so you can get it all out in one go before the other personinterrupts or walks off or smacks you in the face with a table and a lot of them sound like very childish in reality. It's alright wanting to say, "is that your face or has your neck been sick?" but chances are you won't get the right moment to deliver it in a busy and potentially violent situation and the longer it is the more chance you'll drop a word or not be heard properly, there is nothing worse than having to rep[eat yourself and lose the moment. stand up comedians have the microphone and the attention of the crowd so can really go to town and it will always work, a few favourites are: "I wish you were a statue and I were a pidgeon" [chubby brown] "Does your neck have it's own phone number? I'd like to ring it sometime" [chubby again] "If I wanted to spend my time looking at an ugly c**t that produces nothing but s**t I'd get your mother to strip for me again" [me] "you've got an a**e like a photo finish in a hot air baloon race" [me] "your face is familiar, is your name 'before'?" [me but don't try this one as nobody ever gets it] "I never forget a face but in your case I'm willing to make an exception" [Groucho Marx]

'Are you impeded?' is my personal favourite, although you should never underestimate the brilliance of the word 'tosser'

*rubs hands together in gleeful anticipation of learning experience* American English is woefully deficient in good insult words. *sits back and waits for the deluge*

mother f*cker, a quaint Old-English term for a man with oedipal tendencies.

re family insults, my brother and i used to spend a lot of time comparing my mum's a.rse to a space-hopper. we used to call her things like whopper-hopper bottom. thunder thighs was another much used term. rhinoceros bottom was used occasionally.

gimp is my insult of choice presently ... tho i like "are you impeded?" ... i am too kind to use my other favourites seriously ... ("which part of f.uck off dont you understand?" ... and "I'm afraid you're confusing me with someone who GIVES a s.hit") i have never been any good at the quick riposte in a real situation needing a fast insult ... i just look dim ... but i sometimes daydream some ... i thought of one on the way up the A5 the other day ... "thank your lucky stars there ISNT a decent compulsory sterilization policy in this country" of course it would amuse nobody but me ... told you i'm crap at this ...

I love all the early nineties playground insults. All of them are distinctly un-PC but they have alot of charm. Spazz, Rem, Mong (possibly a welsh thing), Spack, Nob head, Spesh...I wish i could rememeber them all. Toby Litt's 'Deadkidsongs' is a great book for many reasons but particularly great for its plethora of wonderful childhood insults. Read it to feel like a child again and escape the terrifying omnipresence of political correctness.

*do prdele* in czech literally translates to *up your bottom*, so i suppose its the equivalent to Up Yours for us.... the serbs say "Jebem te u oko" which is "I F*** you in the eye" (pathetic) Dutch (back me up andrea) have "kak, stront, schijt" from which we get the cak word.... Spanish, "me cago en la hostia" is hysterical... *i S.hit in the communion wafers* personally i think *utter tosser* delivered with a sharp tongue and a narrowed eye has the desired effect, as does "you f***ing dickhead" (accent on the dick) I usually swear with fingers when driving mainly.... i get SO cross, suffer terribly with road rage....

*wondering whether chant's mother's bottom was a Very Curious Shape ... or if it resembled two space hoppers ....*

*wondering something similar about Fish's daughter!*

hahahha .... she is a Smaller Version of her whopper hopper bottom mother ... my sons' favourite insult used to be fleg ... i have no idea what it means ...

I was always quite partial to "wazzock" myself, although it can only usually be used in an affectionate way as it's a bit tame. "Divvy" is in much the same vein. "Buggerbrain" is one that's just come to me and sounds great, although I have to question its potential in a real life situation. God I'm rubbish at this too.......

never mind julian ... nice people like us cant insult ...

Liana, in Polish it is "do dupa" This means "up the a***" but more generally is means "effed up" or simply "not working." So, if the light bulb burns out, you could say it is do dupa. Dupek is a pejoritive for a person, meaning "a***hole."

So THAT's why. I have the same problem with quick replies as you too - if someone really annoys me I just look stupid and steam slightly, before thinking up a stinging remark ten minutes later. Would love to be able to say something like "So you're what happens when cousins marry" or suchlike, but would probably end up with "Well.. just because you're a ...erm..er... goomer."

Nit-wit is the strongest I can think of at the moment.

'Asholeshek' is a triple Turkish insult bundled into one word.. It means: You are a donkey and your father is a donkey...

Most recently I have taken to calling people kumquats, monkeys, whores or rusty spoons from hell and using similes to great effect, "You're like a ferret in an ice cream factory who doesn't know how to operate the machinery!"

You just cannot go wronk with a good old '@!#$ Off' in my opinion. A classic that does not need dressing up. Ralph

I see. I guess to say I say it alot is incorrect. My son and I trade off insults occasionally. Usually real delectable things like "booger head". My son is only five so nothing too nasty.

'Neanderthal' is pretty good if but a mouthful.. My favourite is 'You are not a very nice man/woman, are you?' only to be reserved for those deservingly strong situations though.. Totally unrelated to thread.. I amusingly recall an episode in the old 80's sitcom 'Taxi' where the odious manager character was knocking on a door in a flat trying to get in with a.. 'But, Mum it is me!' and an elderly lady frantically barring the door on the other side and shouting back 'I know!!'...

The only funny line from 15 years of the Fox TV series Married with Children: wife (returning from shopping): Did you miss me? husband: Every time so far, unfortunately.

@!#$-wipe, @!#$ for brains, @!#$, mother @!#$, ...also the term "eat me" which is thrown back at an insulter, or "your mother"....have to agree with the classic @!#$ off, p.i.s.s off doesn't have the same ring to it....have been known to call someone a c.u.n.t, but only as an affectionate term... as kids if someone said "what are you looking at" the usual reply was "nothing" which resulted in "who are you calling nothing?" old mates often greet each other in insulting terms.. "How are you you old @!#$, or @!#$, or old sad @!#$..." yet often affectionate terms take on a more threatening meaning when coming from strangers... "are you looking at me, mate ?"

'Mkundu juu juu kama gia ya Honda' 'Matako makubwa kama gunia la sukari' 'Uso kama chapati ya Mwarabu' In my youth in Tanzania it was customary to have insult slanging matches (in swahili) between two participants, aided and abetted by a jeering crowd.. The crowd through their, well, hooting and laughter would decide on the winning insult/s.. insults were judged on their originality and creativity and rhymning use of language. Needless to say.. the losing party would almost invariably descend to insulting siblings and parents.. then horror of horrors... ancestors.. tears and fisticuffs would ensue.. The humiliation from some of these expert slanders could last for weeks.. not least because of members of the crowd (sometimes even your bestest of friends..bastards) muttering and pointing at you from not-so discrete groups and unsucessfully trying to contain their fits of laughter every time they looked you in the eye.. as I said BASTARDS. Still, you learned to get the champs on your side after a while.. (Yes.. exactly like these phorum threads at times , I hear you say) So, a nice and juicy fly to the person who can come up with the best english translations for the above mild swahili insults.. ..answers to be posted later.

bollock-chops

Fuckwit Stupid bint Cock-Gobbling-Ass-Clown Dumb-@!#$

I prefer softer insults like - if brains were dynamite they wouldn't blow your cap off ;o) Occasionally I look skyward and mutter "inbreeding".

I dont swear so I find 'fool' is my fave. I also have little insult competitions which i normally win. My favourite tactic against girls is to stop mid sentance and say 'Breathe in for a second', they do and then I follow it up by saying 'Thats better, sorry, it was distracting'. Then just continue. Ive been attacked by people for using that :D, another good one is 'Is that a spot', perfect against girls again. Against guys just laugh at them alot, like everything they say and do is just pathetic, dont fight if they hit you, just laugh as it didnt hurt. Oh yeah, and 'I know you are but what am I' in a suitable tone of voice is good :)

middle fish says "insignficant fool" is a good one ...

what about 'if your d.ick is as big as your mouth you might be in with a chance' and top it off with 'but i think it's the size of your brain'

I got for christmas one year a book of Shakespears insults and "You crusty botch of nature" was my fave. I also like Lardarse Lardy Pleb ...face like the back end of a bus ...built like a brick shithouse amoeboid ignoramus dolescum cheesedick (from my american colleagues) gussett typist (female equivalent of a w.anker) stupidface fool (has to be said in a certain way) Classless anal canal filthmonger

"If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't be able to blow your nose." "Could you possibly be more vague?" *adjusts thinking cap*

primeval slime

teenagers tell me these are the insults of the moment: crab lad rumple (general insult) needle dick bug f.ucker whitey boy (someone who cant smoke) larry (as above but includes alcohol) dancing crow foot (person who walks with feet turned in) niggely bison (somebody elephantine) sly (for lispers)

you are very lucky having access to such creative teenagers. my 13 year old bro is far to square to use any of these terms let alone pass them to me. They are excellent - long live playground filth!

this is a good site - click on the personal link on the right http://www.insultmonger.com/

Hee hee.. good ones Fish. I do like Needle dick bug.@!#$. Combining the 'Fitting Faces to Words' thread which discusses expected against actual physical appearances of ABC people.. with this one, I think a good insult would be: 'Based upon your writings I fully expected you to be a midget' A bit offensive to shortarses ok.. but this is an insult thread is it not?

spider would this mean that good writing equates to height?

No to your question.. surely my writing disproves the assertion. Slap me on the head Fish.. Why, it is not funny at all..

Id agree... :o)))

*dons Diplomatic Hat* just trying to understand your insult spider dear ...

me too..... *arms folded, eyebrows raised expectantly*

*points out that super talented eddie gibbons could not be described as Tall*

... on the other hand ... liana is 5 foot 8 ... which is considered tall for a woman ... and she is also a talented writer ...

OoooohhhHH.. are you rising to your full heights.. How am I to be punished?

you can go to the Short Persons Naughty Corner and sit on that teeny weeny little stool ...