What's your least impressive celebrity story?

*Falls off chair sighing blissfully*

what pray tell does snooch to the nooch mean for chrissakes? is that like 'kiss to the diss'?

snogs to the nogs?

what's a nog though? gosh am i talking to myself now? i fear i am...Flashy, it's no good you falling off your chair when i'm kissing you. makes it harder to reach your lips.

Ed Byrne (long haired Irish comic) stayed over at my girlfriend's shared student house in Swansea after we went to see him at the uni, he wanted to sleep with her mate but got nowhere. my mum and dad were very close mates with not only Jack Duckworth but Carl Denver (Scottish folk singer who wrote Whimaway.."the lion sleeps tonight" but without the words) best of all for unimpressive celebrity connections: The same girlfriend, when working at Thorpe park, turned down the chance to show Michael Jackson around because it was her day off and she wanted to see me instead. It later transpired that the lookalike that had been shown round by an over excited employee was sent by the multifaceted one himself because he just couldn't be arsed coming in person. It wasn't known that it wasn't him until afterwards and the pics were on the front pages of the tabloids.

Charlie Nicholas driving down Kentish Town Road in a convertible, 2 blondes in the car, blowing his horn at every woman he saw. I stood at the bus stop with my head in my hands shaking my head with embarassment, then he asked if I wanted a lift. He's much nicer now tho.

I once stood next to Ralph Dartford at the bar in Extra Time! Does that count?

who is charlie nicholas?

I have a feeling I shouldnt have said that....

Charlie nicholass is a well known footballer/pundit renowned for being a bit of of a showman(alcoholic).

I guessed as much...

Charlie Nicholas is a footballer who played for Arsenal and, I think, Celtic. I have a second hand celebrity story: My dad saw the actress who plays Penny in Channel 4 comedy drama Teachers in Tescos on Friday. Apparently she bumped into him with her trolley and apologised in a vaguely sheepish fashion.

Charlie used to play for Arsenal but George Graham did not like him. He was overated in my book but scored a smashing goal in the League Cup Final as I recall. He was a huge Simple Minds and U2 fan as well. He also liked the odd line of nose-up Charlie was well into his Charlie big style according to some of the Arsenal faithful way before the great Paul Merson. Did you know that Perry Groves has more websites than any other footballer? Ralph

I don't what came over me there. For a second I thought that Charlie Nicholas was my brother.

Something you can impress your friends with.

Remember the band Aswad? I was at school with the drummer's son.

I reckon youre winning so far Marc...

I went to see Dick Gaughan - who passes as a celebrity in my scheme of things - performing at the Garland Ox in Bodmin. Before it started, I went in the pisser out the back and Dick was having a slash next to me. "Are you Dick Gaughan?" I said. "Aye," he replied. "We've come to see you," I said. d.beswetherick.

Wow, Marc, that's cool. Aswad. Cool. I was walking behind Paul Weller in London until my mate shouted "ooh look, there's Paul Weller!" and he disappeared into a shop.

My family and I went to a small town in Texas to look through Larry McMurtry's used book stores, and the man himself gave us a brief tour.

I bumped into the guy who played Egg in This Life as I was walking out of the ABC offices a couple of years ago. As I'm dreadful at remembering people I automatically assumed I knew him and said 'hi'. I asked him what he was up to , he asked me and then we went on our ways. It was then I realised who he was and felt like a right prat. The man from Playbox used to live in our street and we would nod at each other. The man from Bodger and Badger still lives round the corner. We don't nod to each other.

oh Dear. I've never met or even seen a celebrity except on TV. I feel so alone.

We walked past Kenneth Williams in Manchester once. I said "it is him" and my boyfriend said "no it's not '. Kenneth sneered at us and said "do you want a picture or something?" Suggsy unveiled some new sculpture thing here a couple of years ago . All he did was say "Cheers" into a microphone and then ate a sandwich. When I was a kid me and my family had our photos taken in Southport with Harry Corbett of Sooty fame. He seemed just as dull in the flesh as he did on the telly and afterwards my mum went mad saying "why didn't you tell me I looked such a mess before we had us picture taken?"

i once drunkenly accosted wierd al yakovitch at mardi gras in new orleans *seems to have been a habit of mine in younger days, drunkenly accosting celebs...brian keenan, eddie izzard kylie minogue walked past me in leicester sqaure once... sadly i was stone cold sober....

I quoted Chris Rea's cousin for car insurance. Upon discovering she was his cousin I asked if she had heard about his new collaboration with Dire Straits. She amiably told me no, but she wasn't always up to speed with everything he did. I told her he was planning to call it 'Dire Rea'. She treated my recounting of this old playground favourite with the gruff displeasure it deserved. And the quote was over a hundred quid out.

Charlie Nicholas as has been explained did play for Arsenal. His nickname was Champagne Charlie for the reasons above & Goerge Graham didn't like him for these reasons. Aswad oooh. Drummie Zeb was the drummer (surprise) he was gorgeous. My friend used to live with him many years ago

Come on! More, more, more! Get your friends in, get anyone in, I want more crap celebrities and crap celebrity encounters! Come on!

This one is true. That girl off Suga babes (Merta, or something) her mum works with me. She popped round once I believe but I didn't see her. But i know her sisters, two of them. Oh THAT Henry Miller!! The writer/musician, friend of Shakespeare one. Oh and March. you have to give me one now. Kiss. And I dont care about freckles. If we get bored we can always play Join the Dot.

Well after ploughing through that lot the only cleb I can associate with is Vicky. So Vicky you are not alone cause I'm!! with you!!...

Ok this is desperate this one. Walking down Oxford St aged 16 with my Aunt ,Uncle ,cousins and brothers, when i see Peter Hucker who was then goalkeeper for Q.P.R. So i shout (again) "Look theres Peter Hucker," no one bats an eyelid out of all London commuters, but all my relatives stare it me like i'm mad, and my Uncle asks me "Who was he?" i say "Peter Hucker," and my Uncle says bemused "Who is he when he's at home?"

I have a signed photo of Kirk Douglas...

i once took photos of the mid 90s pop flop ultra for my school, it made me laugh coz i told one of the most ars*y one to shut the picture will be fine even if the flash doesn't go off. tee hee i liked that coz i was only about 16 at the time. iam sure at scool to i also took photo's of the tampaline team for england. cant really remember if it was them. i think i was. the school used to get me to take alot of the photos for the school events coz they knew i wanted to go in to photography or because the trusted the quiet girl not have the camera away as soon as the turned round. i once stud in line with my friend julie (her name at that point was ping) to see 911 in hmv in newcastle, i wanst happy about it, coz i was only doin it as a favor and when it got to the time to meet them i asked them 'to sign my stuff to ping which happens to be the girl in front of me' they didnt look very impressed. when me and mark were on our way back to newcatle once we saw daivd bellamy standin at darlington station wavin at the train. erm iam sure i have more i saw the man that played sanj in eastenders on oxford street the other day and he was wearing the shortest shorts. it looked like if there was any sharp movements to the leg he would have a little hairy friend pop out, much like my dad most of the time. erm any more....... maybe i cant think. any more i have told you about mark??

Jeremy Guscott threw up on my shoe. I used to live next door to Olivia Newton-John's Auntie.

I once passed Plastic Bertrand in Hampstead Heath. I didn't ask for his autograph.

Ah Freda - now that's what I call a missed opportunity. If you live in Brighton you can avoid having a Chris Eubank moment. It's just impossible. My favourite one was seeing him making those ridiculous bodybuilder poses as he stood in the queue for the cash dispenser at Lloyds Bank on Dyke Road, just up from Seven Dials. People were almost crashing their cars as they drove past and realised what they were seeing. He was wearing a singlet, shorts and shades. It was late October.

I used to drink in Ozzy Osbourne\'s wine bar and Sharon was always behind the bar. My brother used to talk to her a lot while I spent most of my time trying to chat up a girl I liked. I once bumped into a drunken Richard Harris in a Cotswold village. I didn\'t even recognise him until he\'d gone past. I sat in front of Tony Robinson at a local comedy show. He had very red cheeks. I am related to Anthony Hopkins but at such a great distance that it doesn\'t really count. Obviously I have never met the man. Mark

i spent a long train journey sitting opposite Reg out of "the Bill", he was all swarthy and unshaven and even wore a cravat over his brown leather blouson jacket, he ordered champagne for him and the two girls with him, coooooool. I once got one of my waiters in Spain to ask for Paco Delucia's (excuse spelling) autograph. He's a world renowned flamenco guitarist and something of an icon or so I'm told. I gave the beer mat he eventually signed to my mate back home who's a guitarist and he nearly cried.

what worries me is that i haven't heard of most of these people. i nearly bumped into James Purefoy on Chiswick High Road, he gave me a dirty look. i saw Mike Smith and Sarah Green looking decidedly orange (and still together!) in the same restaurant as me. both of those are true. Mwah Skeets.

marchioness, that's the whole joy of this. They are celebrities, but not celebrities enough to be instantly recognisable to all, or if they are recognisable they have to do something really crap. I once slept in when I was meant to be interviewing Jonathon Edwards. My colleagues said that he was a bit off and talked about god a lot.

Feel impelled to join in. Tim Burgess's uncle taught Biology at my school. Had a couple of lessons with him. My mum received (?) her first kiss from the great John Evan, keyboard player with the late great musical group The Blades (can hear the group-swoon all the way from Korea) Er.. The Blades became Jethro Tull.. and John (as he is refered to) played on the first few albums I think. She says that he's an accountant now. Still a demon on the keys, apparently. Me and Dad walked past Ethan Hawke in Union Square in New York. He was pushing a pram next to some blonde woman. All fairly tenuous eh? (I once TRIED to get an interview with Mark Eitzel) Oh.. and since Mark has got the rellies involved (Hi Alison) feel inclined to get my mum on the threads to explain this John Evan encounter in full. *imagines the smell of baited breath(s?).. urgh*

I used to do the bar at the Coronation Hall in Ulverston. the clothes show was being filmed there. A local model was on and a make over for the WI all thrilling stuff. The director asked me if I'd have my hair done for the show. I had the longest hair in Ulverston at the time. He wanted to braid and bead it. However they didn't bank on the thickness and had to hul in other hairdressers to plait in order to get it done in time. But that is not my story. The day before when they were filming the WI bit I went home in between times. Selina scott had her dog with her and I offered to take her home with me for a couple of hours to get some fresh air in the garden. Imagine my horror when I looked out of the bedroom window to find my mongrel Bracken giving her a good seeing to (the dog, not Selina Scott). I just hope the bitch wasn't in season (again the dog and not Selina) I never confessed. Talking about bitches, Joanna Lumly came to the Coro. She was the most rude ignorant woman I've ever met. She demanded I take drinks to her dressing room at a point where I couldn't leave the bar. I said very politely that I was a bit swapmped but would see to it when the audience went in. She was foul. Too used to people bowing and fawning. hinge and bracket were fantastic. Two lovely men. We had a great party after their show. And the Royal Ballet Company wrecked the place, but were quite good fun.We never got any big names :-) Sooz

I shook hands with the drummer from Ocean Colour Scene

Former Snooker world champion Ray Reardon used to live in my road.

I saw Sean Hughes hanging around outside a pub in Crouch End.

oh oh i once at a pantomime shouted to bobby davro tellin him want a padlock was called coz he couldnt remember, and he looked at me and said thank you. i was really proud. on the pantomime theme, i got hit in the face with a bag of sweets that they throw in to the crowd i think that was one of little and large. and if it was that was the same one that they were running a long the rows and sid little fell on to mark and sit on his knee at the same time as saying sh*t. tee hee i went up on stage as a kid in a pantomime i cant remember what the bloke was called but he had a big dog call shorbits...... what was his name?? i was covered in tomato ketkup at the time i was eattin hotdogs and spagettie at home one of the only things i would eat as a kid. what a pretty little girl i must have been. and because of being from newcastle i have seen most of the cast of byker grove at some point.

by the way hello andrew how you doin?? :)

His name was Bernie Winters

Notsa bad.. yourself? Still photographing away? Keep up the good work, lass :) Sid Little is from little and LARGE, yeah? What did they DO, anyway? Can't quite remember. Starting to really feel the love on this thread. And I haven't even drank anything. Just emailed Mum.. will probably take her days to respond though. Just have to keep this thread warm and cuddly for about a week until she gets her new technology pants on. Watch out for her at post 150 (crosses fingers) We need to get some more Americans online.. tons of celebs/minor celebs over there. So many celebs, really.. Ralph, Jim Bowen's niece, Jay.. she's a star. Oh, glass collected in a pub in Stoke while none other than Peter Greenbaum strutted his stuff on stage. Ah Green baum (hums and starts to paint) Do you know who he is yet? *goes home exhausted with tenuosity*

My work buddy once met Wesley Snipes in New York. She said he was gorgeous. I said yes but small. She said well yes he's small, but he's gorgeous.

well if we're going for D listings !! I've stood behind Simon Le Bon at Tescos sat opposite Jack Charlton in a restaurant (well not at same table) said Hello in the street to that Scots lass that used to be in Eastenders (as of course I thought I knew her!!!!!) and at the weekend I was in an off licence and this guy was signing his credit card very outlandishly and when he left everyone went 'Who was that??" took me a while but it was one of the coppers off Hearbeat!! He looked completely different - all coiffured and short !!!!!!!!!! It's true on screen people do look taller ...