Do you want me to **** right off?

Ralph man, I would really like you to stay. You are a mightily complex and controversial guy, which confuses some, however you have a generous streak in you (e.g. the Rickie Lee comp, which I can't enter because I am booked up on the 14th so this is not a grovelling attempt to win a prize). If you left, I believe abc-tales would be the poorer. Looking back thru the archives it seems you may have done a few misdeeds in the past (so some people who badmouth you may feel they have reason) but I always say we should forgive sinners, and give them another chance. There is good in all people, if we look. Why should you stay? Because you are entertaining, witty, charming, intelligent, insightful, caring, playful, passionate, thought-provoking, but also human. You are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the Prince of Darkness and the Stadium of Light. You are a genius and a madman, the proverbial elephant wearing a rabbit's duffle coat. We need folk like that.

Yawn......

You want to get a good night's sleep Mr Mississippi.

<> you need more than a nights sleep, you need a good pair of glasses mate.

I stand by every word I say. I have seen all those things in Ralph's writings. I have seen those things because I am not looking through the eyes of hate.

Yes Ralph. Get an early night yourself.

Can you give us examplesof all those you've mentioned, especially 'the proverbial elephant wearing a rabbit's duffle coat' n the 'Stadium of Light.'

sheesh. this thread is scary. i'm off.

(((((((ralphie, poppet)))))))))

'Do you want me to **** right off?' Well how can I put this without appearing to be prejudiced? It's like this ralphie, ...You see... Ok, I'll come back to this later. 'Time to up the anti I feel.' You mean it's the time of day when you wish to feel the 'anti' up somewhere? Don't beat about the bush man, say what it is you want. 'Do you want me to **** off forever?' Four stars? Are you really that good? 'Do some of you hate me that much?' I don't believe anyone here actually hates you, not even Karl, though I get the impression he isn't your greatest fan. 'Do any of you actually know me except for alter-ego rantings on here?' I don't know if ANYONE here knows you personally, what I do know is that you are forever bigging yourself up and bragging about your showbiz 'pals' and it's a big turn-off. 'At the risk of doing a Stuart, I'll give it to the end of the week.' What's this all about? What is that Stuart does? Why wait until the end of the week? There isn't really any tactful way to answer your initial question. Other than to say, 'YES Ralphie, be a good boy and F U C K right off Forever! Who is rickie lee jones?

me again Ralph, I will always offer you the hand of friendship. For that only i am responsible. What has pained me is that you and some of my other abc friends spit at each other so vehemently. whatever is or was or will be, email me. The forums aren't the easiest place for honesty. love as always jude

What I meant by that was that Ralph is a bundle of contradictions. He is good and bad, a saint and a sinner, agile and heavy-footed, big-hearted and small-minded. He's a fascinating human mix, and mostly blind to his faults. Mildred up above seems to think I'm Ralph. I doubt Ralph has the self knowledge to write this kind of stuff about himself.

I think Roper is 'Looking Through The Eyes Of Love', as Gene Pitney used to sing. (Nobody has ever seen this Roper character before which leads me to believe he is a figment of Larphs over-active imagination. In the event he/she is a real person totally unconnected to Larph, I suggest he/she invests in a course of reality counselling)

Still in touch with MLB - she's doing very well, thank you. As is UK Poet - he runs the Wergle Flomp Poetry Comp, which exposes poetry comp scams, like Poetry.com Worth checking out. Just thought I'd share that with you all...

Oh dear. I make a simple point in plain language. Yet they have a problem with a few typo's. I shall try to be grammatically correct and use immaculate spelling, if that will help. No, I have no theories, conspiracy or otherwise. I find that a particularly fruitless pursuit. No I am not Ralph in disguise, either. I say that the management do little or nothing about personal abuse because the management do little or nothing about personal abuse. That's all. You may not agree, but that's how I find it.

I very, very rarely post, as I don't often feel I have anything useful to add. Therefore when I do post, my words must be of earth shattering importance. Ahem. Reading the threads for me is a bit like slowing down for a car crash. I always hone in on any thread started by Ralph because I know, just KNOW, that Missi will leap in, to the effect that he doesn't like Ralph. Missi, do you really spend ALL DAY watching the forum, waiting for Ralph to post so you can jump right in? It sure seems that way. Honestly mate, there are better things to do, try going for long walks or breaking things. Ralph it seems you are an attention seeker of the first order. I've never met you but I feel I could write your biography. This is NOT a good thing, in case you're wondering. Ultimately Ralph, you won't stop posting, cos it's like a drug, right? Your spats with Missi are highly entertaining, so while I think you both need to seriously reevaluate your approach to life, I perversely hope you will continue in this vein for many more months. Thank you.

Careful Ralph ..... tread very carefully with your psyche. Rabbit only howls, you know. Which voice do you hear now? Somewhere - amongst all those voices and lights and shadows - there's a rational, coherent whisper. Cling on to that if you can and you may make it through this episide relatively unscathed.

No, I don't spend all day here. The reason I 'jump in' as you say is partly because I have an expectant public, of which you are a self-confessed member, and like all performers, I can't let my public down. Other than that, somebody has to take the puffed-up twat to task. Speaking of Larph, the other two 'whys men' have gone to ground I see. (Or rather I don't see)

Sorry Fish.

Surely it is time to spread peace all around? Er, not hate.

Anyway, Just got back from seeing Joss Stone perform at the Brixton Acadamy, she was brilliant, a true gem. Erica Badu, the main act was poor and that is why I am back early, (the tickets were free, so nothing lost). Two things: Firstly, thanks for the support, most of you, some I do not know. You are right, I am a mess, (thank god I am sometimes, I wear my heart, hate and with on my chest, and not my sleeve) that is for sure. I take on allcomers and never flinch. I have not impersonated here on this thread by the way. Secondly: Karl and Missi, come of the fence you pair of sad, useless, forlorn, pathetic PUNTS. Do you want me in or out? Life would be wanky without me for you two would it not? Come on give it. I'll start making sandwiches big time if you dont Karl. And Missi, start talking to a Doctor and stop listening to that fuckwit's self help tapes. He gave me a copy once and me and my pals pissed ourselves. One was a counciller. He drives a cab for crying out loud. He is a middle aged man who thinks he is a 'homie', trying to dance with the thirteen yea olds at a school disco. An embarassment. Come on you two, put you money where your mouths are! And stop licking each others arses, it making feel ill. Ralphie poppit xx

Wit and not with. God my spelling. x

Well you make the sandwiches if you like Jeff.

Come on George, express yourself. In or out? Dont be a wimp.

i have asked bert about this and he says he isn't interested one way or the other ...

I'll take Bert's advice as well.

Good for Bert. A sound man as ever. I have always rated him as I do you. I messed with you once and learnt my lesson. The right attitude i feel. Ralph

What makes you think I give a dogs dick what you do? What makes you think ANYBODY cares what you do? That is the root of your problem Larph, you actually believe someone cares! Ever since that shoe shop manager groped you in the stockroom you've had a personality problem. You try to gain kudos from name-dropping at every opportunity but don't realise you just make yourself look foolish. Why don't you stop bragging and try to be likeable? By the way, I've never even seen one of Karls tapes much less heard one. He probably gave you a copy because he thought you needed it. He doesn't drive a cab either, anymore than you run the Bumsbury.

So how is your 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' campaign going Ralph?

No Ralph do stay... as should all the other leading protagonists on this forum... for although you are all too frequently a tiresome ****hole you are one of 'us' and you do belong here where we understand you and are thus less prone to any damage you could inflict... One has only to browse through a sample of the threads here to see that ABCtales acts as a sort of containment, a sort of energy dissipater for some who would undoubtedly become dangerous if left to roam the streets instead of these threads (myself included) T.C, have you considered applying for an NHS grant for your stalwart 'Mental Health in the Community' work here... ? Then again, on recent events, perhaps you had better let someone else do it...

Georgie, answer the ******* question.

To be honest Ralph, it does rather seem like you only want to hear from George and Karl and email does that job rather better. I suspect that they may well also believe that you aren't about to leave, no matter what the consensus is. The Ralph of a year ago was occasionally irritating, sometimes went way too far but very often made good points and had something of interest to say. To someone who dips into these forums from time to time, the Ralph I see at the moment is not the same person. If you knocked the 'famous people I have known' and commands to 'discuss' on the head, that would be a distinct improvement. I'm not sure of the purpose of your post. When George did it long ago, I think he genuinely did want to know if he was crossing a line; I am sad to say that my suspicion is that you are seeking either vindication or to know that you have got under certain individuals skin to improve your enjoyment of baiting them. You are a cracking writer Ralph, it would be nice if your posting on the forum could show us that you are a cracking bloke too.

irl, ralph is a cracking bloke, but mate, i think you do sometimes lose it on the threads.....more of your real persona on here, less of the bloomsbury set...

I think when in doubt you should put your feelings into your writing and lay off the threads. Inconsistencies in opinion make for better & chewier writing IMO. I agree it can sometimes be a drag having to stick to your own persona and adhere to last weeks opinions, if your mood has completely changed. [%sig%]

Well if I could upload a piece of work on this floundering website then perhaps I would be a lot happier. Ralph

Polish Mark ... there's a name from way back. Used to share a flat with spag and some other bloke whose name eludes me didn't you? Anyway, good post.

..no Ralph - I for one would miss the Heat flavour you bring to abc - there's always a few celebs knocking around in your posts and no matter what anyone says it does add a bit of glam - you is certainly very readable!!!!

anyway, its 'ante'

Thanks love.

I honestly don't care Larph, is that not good enough for you? In my world you are less significant than a grain of sand, what is it you want from me? You want me to say I care about you enough to say 'Yes' or 'No'? I understand your insecurity and need for my approval or disapproval. Either way I refuse to be held responsible for your short-comings. If it's serious advice you want, and you want it from me, I'll oblige, but I know you would never consider advice from anyone, least of all me.

Hi Stormy. Yeah, I used to share a flat with Spag and the other bloke who used to write under the pseudonym Jake Kane, although his name is James. I'm amazed you remember as I haven't written anything or attended an ABC Tales event in centuries. That's two posts in two days from me. Egocentric or what?

I repeat, Neil, why are you posting as "an anonymous person"? Its clear to anyone (even without an audit) that it is you.

well it's an odd name and got stuck along with a lot of other trivia in a dark corner of my mind. You never know when the oppotunity to say 'hey, i once saw a bloke called polish mark post on a forum!' jake kane. blimey. anyone else remember names from way way back who don't post or write here anymore? I could start a new thread I suppose but I think I'd rather hijack this one. More fun you see. People like Mark will eagerly click on it hoping to see a missi and ralph with handbags drawn only to be disappointed with a boring list of ex-abc'ers. here's a few off the top of my head feymouse (tho she was here again recently I think) mandylifeboats the brothers ... kieran and the other one who was fascinated by dogpoo ... arrrghh .... curua! and .... help? I might be wrong about the poo. that could have been someone else. wrote rhyming poems. funny. a bit like sneak but coarser. islandwriter with his boat and aviator glasses (mixed up surely?) barrywood and his audio tapes (horror) (writer) ukpoet and his self-clicky-finger problem, sorry, meant 'his huge worldwide audience' the delightful carly who wanted to rule the world or an abc forum near you. wrote wonderful first person present tense stuff (that was a lie) tom saunders. now there's a man who could make you chuckle. (I meant the word 'wonderful', not the first person or the present) sue-lynn, who was eventually outed (by me, eye thank ewe) as mykle pretending to be his ex-wife. god, they had some long conversations. Also guilty of the self-abuse, sorry, I meant self-rating syndrome. (it was pretty tense though) oh god, there most be loads of writers/posters MIA or are you going to revert to 'please stay ralph'. he aint going nowhere. even if 50 people posted F*CK OFF he would stay. :-) *posts the international sign that means, there might be a barb in my comment but I thought I would smile at you so you don't pick on me later*

I feel it a shame that anyone should feel driven away. I have personally never had a problem with you Ralph, quite the opposite in fact. The very first time I posted on here it was you who engaged in a pleasant and informative discussion, an I thought that was nice and friendly. Hence, I fail to understand the antipathy and put it down to ill feeling. I have stopped having much to do with this site for quite a while, feeling that personal abuse has no place. I pop in from time to time, mainly to look, and feel I will probably not return. I didn't know about Stuart. It would seem that the management have little concern that various people are being driven away and deprived of their opportunity to publish work and learn from others. To that end, I would argue that the site is not fulfillinfg its primary function.

Iceman. On the threads no one can hear you scream. [%sig%]

Hear, hear!

:-). I've never done that before.

Missing words, bad spelling, anon name? I smell a Ralph.

I screamed 99 times that night

All I would say is stay and be good because it is the season of forgiveness and good-will soon (or as from 4 weeks ago according to Harrods) I don't like fighting, not because I'm a pacifist but because I invariably lose. I have also given up trying to be a diplomat because it usually results in people laughing at my spelling or shutting my head in lift doors. Its not a case of what we want. do you want to stay? I think it takes a lot from everyone to play nicely although that plea will yet again fall into the void unheard. As for me personally - I don't do grudges, I certainly don't hate you, you have provided some insightful posts and comments in the time I've known you and for that I am grateful. However I do get a bit tired of the arguing although as I said - to change this needs an all round effort. j