My Life Oy Vay

My Life Oy Vay 2
By fatalky
from the ABC set

My Life Oy Vay 2. Lost my internet connection in Oxford which is now
transferred to London. Waddled downtown to Learndirect but am signed
off there, the guy said I could wait for the drop-in but it could be 20
minutes. Decided not to wait. Feel incredibly bereft without the
ABCtales website. Ohmegawd I've become an internet nerd. There will
surely be a 12 step programme (or should that be program?) to follow.
Probably conducted over the internet. Really fucked off with the
computer thing, rather than going to an Internet café I decided to go
to a pub. Wonder why there are no Internet pubs. Oh yes. Drink means
drunks and drunks means beer all over computer. Also when the Internet
is slow computer bashed on top of landlord's head. Hurts. After a few
beers and that wonderful glow begins to happen between the ears, I
begin to relax. I wonder why there is sand on the floor. Not just a
little sand but ankle deep. Strange. Maybe it's a surfer's pub. In the
middle of Oxford. Makes sense to me. I wonder what sort of pub this is?
It's probably a gay pub. There are a couple of biker lezzies at the bar
but the few men in here seem straight. But a lot of people think I'm
straight. As in normal. I spot a woman over the other side of the pub
sitting on her own at a table, who's clocking me, she's not so much a
handsome woman as - well - plain. But what the hey. She holds my gaze.
I've never been shy about talking to strange women, that's why I
probably know so many, so I got up and walked over to her table. I just
said 'hi' and sat down. We introduced each other, her name was Pat and
was unemployed. I explained my situation with my mother and my
situation with the world of computers. I bought her a drink and I was
already planning how I could get her upstairs at my mother's place
without my mother seeing her. Even though my mother is blind. We just
chatted about nothing in particular and everything in general. We
started getting pissed and I began to talk about coming back to my
place, and at that point she put her hand on mine. Ah! It's not the
ayes have it - it's the hands. I took my hand away quickly, he
registered my shock and smiled. I drunkenly mumbled something along the
lines of that it was a bit of a surprise. We got into a conversation on
Transvestism cross-dressing etc. but no, it wasn't as simple as that.
He was waiting for the operation. I wondered what it would be like to
have one's dick cut off and suddenly have female genitalia. I voiced
this to him. I also asked does he still get a hard-on and how did he
feel about it and does he worry about losing that aspect of himself. He
said "I've got one now" And smiled at me. Even drunk I was beginning to
think, 'wow! I could make love to a man and one day make love to that
same person as a woman. And voiced that. He smiled again and said
"Where?" "My place, we'll get a cab." I just hoped mum would be asleep.
I would just say that it was someone from A.A. if she was awake. Not
that I'd been to A.A. in years. We got back and mum was spark out so we
went upstairs and even though more than just slightly pissed I was
excited. Hey it's not often you get to fuck a pre-op. transexual. Mind
you when the he took the wig off he wasn't even a handsome man let
alone a handsome woman. So the wig went back on. We kind of fumbled
around and he tried to kiss me eeeeeeuuuuuuwwwww! Suck a knob - fine -
kiss a fuzzy faced ugly mug. No! When I was bumming him I began to
think that I was probably the only person in the world that would fuck
a man soon to be a woman. Note to diary: contact Guinness Book of
Records. I could make thousands, maybe even millions? Note to diary:
contact Max Clifford. I'll probably get to appear on Trisha or Richard
and Judy maybe even Oprah. I almost pissed myself laughing. Apart from
the incongruity of it all, it was the suspender belt and stockings that
was the clincher. (Rowntrees chocolate soldiers, are these shirt
lifting Sally Army recruits?)