Help me! Feedback please

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Mon, 2005-08-22 16:56

Hey everyone

I'm a new "author" and have just joined this site to look for some feedback on the first few pages of what I like to pretentiously refer to as my novel. Never shown it to anyone before, so you ought to feel privileged. Just like being at a blockbuster premier...

If anyone would be so kind as to offer me some honest feedback (go on, I can take it!) I'd be really grateful.

Thank you sooo much!

Sarah

Mon, 2005-08-22 17:33

tcook

You can find it here: http://www.abctales.com/sarah_lloyd_hughes/mind_damaged_opening_chapter I really liked it - it's a witty and original beginning. But I think the opening section needs pruning - it repeats itself rather too much. I think you have to trust to the intelligence of the reader. I am, nevertheless, intrigued to discover what is so different about Marg. So far she protests that she is very unusual and that we should throw away our preconceptions but she hasn't done anything to demonstrate it. the 'guru' is a tad too stereotypical - but then again I've never been to a 'guru' show. Keep at it and let's see how Chapter Two develops.

Tue, 2005-08-23 11:59

(Reply to #2) #3

sarahll

Thanks guys, both very helpful comments Sarah

Sarah

Tue, 2005-08-23 12:16

Enzo

I think this is really good. It's hard to say too much about a novel based on one chapter, but I agree with Tony's comments about pruning the beginning, and I also think that the times when you use brackets should go. Just a simple rephrase to either make them into new sentences, work them into existing sentences, or scrap them. Good tone though, and I'd be interested to see more.

Tue, 2005-08-23 16:42

styx

Yes I wanted her to get on with it. What is so original about her? But very good. Let us know more. Oh Tony, If you've ever seen some of the televangelists, this guy seems conservative.

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