It is very dark in here by Jack Cade

7 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Last post

Mon, 2006-03-06 20:09

Juliet OC

It is very dark in here by Jack Cade

http://www.abctales.com/story/jack-cade/yes-it-is-very-dark-in-here

i do really like Jack's writing, his style is clean and fresh.

This piece resonates because i remember feeling just the same at 20. Death was exciting and glamorous... and on TV.

I am not sure about the title however - it doesn't in my opinion enhance the story.

The ending is gentle but lacks some of the power you have delivered in the past, but i am not sure how you could change this. It just left me a little unsatisfied.

Well deserving of the cherry however and an enjoyable read.

Juliet

Mon, 2006-03-06 23:04

Brooklands

I like it. I liked the title until I had read the story. Then it seemed kind of wonky. It's got a nice lulling narrative voice. I had some trouble with the "use me as a military weapon" joke - I didn't find it particularly funny and I think, if you're going to be joking in among all this death, it had better be a good joke. Nice. Joe

Tue, 2006-03-07 09:36

tanis

What rot, I thought it was a cracking joke! I'm not a Jack Cade afficionado, it's my first read of his stuff but I thought this a beautiful, dark little missile. And I like the blunt economy of the words.

Tue, 2006-03-07 13:39

Brooklands

Yeah, I'm not sure I even agree with my post anymore. The joke does fit in with the tone of the piece. Ignore me...

Tue, 2006-03-07 13:43

Juliet OC

actually Spack i agree with you, that was the weakest part in terms of holding my attention, but as with Spack i offer this to provide constructive feedback, the story is excellent but every piece of writing can be improved. Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-03-08 17:42

Nightwriter

Thanks for a good read. As somebody who aspires to write endings with a twist I thought you might have had the character hiding from reflective surfaces for the rest of his life, that said I enjoyed it. Thanks again Stewart

Wed, 2006-03-08 22:59

Jack Cade

Reflective surfaces is too literal, unfortunately. It's not his looks that kill, but his association with people (although it grows so extreme that in the end it seems that knowing what someone looks like will kill them). If he could kill himself, it would have already happened. It may need a stronger ending though. Hard to pull something too drastic out of the fire when the voice has to say matter-of-fact. I'll also try to think up a better title. Thanks for your comments, everybody.

Topic locked