Crap Masseuse by lukewright

Very funny! I agree that it's probably better suited as lyrics than poetry. I'm all for free metre, but the lines here stretched the license just slightly too far for me.

thanks. it does actually fit quite well to music. can't imagine arctic monkeys or kooks doing it. jake thackray was the inspriration. paul, i agree with you it could be tighter, but it's very much a performance piece in my head and it works fine.

i've tighten it up now. thanks for your help paul. i took your suggestion (with one or two running to 15 syllables for better scantion) what was important was that i kept the comic timing, i think it's improved in places too. L.x

definetly found it an easier read and consequently much funnier. Loved the line about Sting. Juliet

Really top. In my head, the line: 'Lighting tea lights with a blow torch you’re really quite a charmer' Would be delivered in performance more like: 'Lighting tea lights with a blow torch, ha, you’re really quite a charmer' The 'ha' being an extra syllable where you smile and look to the audience. There are a couple of mini-conversions to the metre like that that I expect you'd naturally do in performance to accentuate the comedy. But I think the alterations you've made make it work better on the page as well, which is a Good Thing.