Is it alright to bring the macaw in ? He may be feathered and evil, but he's a far better conversationalist than I am - provided you don't get him chatting about Brighton.
BTW Tony Cook - is it true that at the Brighton Chesterfield game, the tannoy played 'Money Money Money' and 'I fought the law and the law won' ? If so, give that bloke a cigar and gin-and-bitterlemon.
The whippet growls and raises its hackles. The macaw, Lee Culkin sees its hackles, and raises two hackles. I think the macaw either has a full house, or is bluffing. Is hard to tell, the cards are covered by its wing.
You drink a lot of ouzo, ivoryfishbone.
I don't advise playing poker with the bird, he's a dab hand at poker - and with a poker, as you may recall from the beginnings of the websoap. That seems to have ground to a halt.
Aren't these pork scratchings out of date Hilda ?
i do actually ... it leads me into all sorts of trouble ...
i am too idle to play anything fortunately ... hilda's not here i think she has gone to the printers to pick up the new laminated menus ...
What's this magazine doing here ?
ALL THE HONEY'S GONE !!!
OWL AND PUSSYCAT TO TRY AGAIN
Item ! On-off marriage set to give it another go, the perfect couple had trouble in paradise earlier this year when Pussycat formed a romantic liaison with evil-macaw-about-town Lee Culkin. As we here at SCANDAL magazine could have told her, the macaw tires of women easily and casts them aside.
Owl told us that if he ever caught up with Lee Culkin, that bird was going to end up plucked, floured and dipped in southern spices. Apparently not only did he break Pussycat's heart, but the couple's nestegg - a jar of honey and plenty of money mysteriously disappeared. Pussycat sobbed "He even took the wrapping paper"
Item ! Where is evil feathered gadabout Culkin now ? Word to the wise people, SCANDAL's sources tell us he's partied out and is staying at the Rookery to get himself fixed. Those places cost plenty and we at SCANDAL fear for Owl and Pussycat's life savings.
Darrrlings!!
Such a crowd.....eeh, I'm reet chuffed...
As predicted by the luvverly young Ivory, laminated menus for yer delectation.....If someone could gimme a leg oop that pedestal, I'll pass some round oop there too...
Tuck in chucks, enjoy yersens...
Ta Chucks Poetry Platter
(Robert Self-Service)
All-Day Breakfast
A round of toast with two egg sonnet
Soup of the Day
Ptery-Dactyl Soup
Let's Do Launch!
Ode in the Hole
Hot Doggerel and mustard
Chilli Con Cliche: (promotes regular vowel movements)
Anapestic Antipasta
Vasco Popadoms
Raga Muffins
Onomatomatoes (Squishy)
Iambic Pentametaters (boiled or mashed)
Alphabetti Spaghetti
Picked 'n' Mixed Metaphors
Enjambment Butties
e e cumin
Alfred Lard Tennyson
Ogden Nashed Potatoes
Frederico Garcia Lorcanapes
Adrian VerMitchelli
Lawrence Ferlinspaghetti
Allen Ginsbergers
Emilychee Dickinson
T S Eli Hot Pot
John Well Donne Steak
Walter De La Marinated Meat
G K Chesternuts
Just Desserts
Villanelle Flavour Ice Cream
Alexandrines with Cream
(Sorry, we're out of Chocolate Kyrielles - Laurie ate them all)
Spondee Pudding with Whippet Cream
Walt Whitmangoes
Derek Walcottage Cheese
Wilfred Owensleydale & crackers
Pablo Nerudamsons
Drinks:
Lager and Lime-ricks
Gin & Miltonic
For Your Convenience:
Ladies and Gents Troilets
Dress C-Ode
No (Personal) Trainers
Hilda's Promise:
Haiku'k / You eat
I'll beetroot to you, yes I will
*Sits down at the Knock em back table*
Now then I think I'll have Alphabetti Spaghetti , as my name suggests it.
Dessert I think it has to be Spondee Pudding with Whippet Cream .
Now what to drink? I'll have a Gin & Miltonic .
Maybe the menu should have conversation topics. I suggest why does Si love spaghetti? Even I don't know the answer.
Liana, sweetie, care to join me in a drop of the old Adelstrop? I'm quite puffed out. Had to walk from Nether Pedestal station. The taxis were all booked up. Apparently they are filming a new series of 'Last of the Summer Swine' right here in the village. The old hip is giving me gyp again. Had to stop half way with a severe attack of writer's cramp. I thought I might see Ivory here too, under a table somewhere.
Anyone else noticed that all these threads seem to go well until the number of posts gets into the high nineties and then they become completely unstable and collapse ? This must be the critical mass point for bombast and nonsense.
Still can't believe it has happened to Ta Chucks though...
I've seen this happen, in other people's lives and now its happening in mine.
Seeing as yer all thinking of defecting, a new drinks list.
Ta Da!!!
ABC Ales
Spaghetti Si-Der
a pint of Mississippi Bitter
a pint of Petrel Old Peculier
Two Shandy Lifeboats and a packet of crisps, please!
Chucks Fizz
oranj Joose
Poet & Chandon
Hildaquiri
Auntia Maria
Stormy Pretzels
Tante Jaquiri Bitters
Emva Cream Shelley
Carlysberg Lager
Tequilda Sunrise
'Old Whippet Breath' Whisky
Lime and Lianade
Carly Headbanger
Pedest Ale
and for the mornin' after when yerve all got muzzy 'eads
packs of andrews liver salts.
eh? eh?
*smugly adjusts bosom*
Ahh, Ivory, good to see you, young gal. Been chatting away to young Liana here about her travels in Eastern Europe. Jolly interesting. I hear you and Liana are meeting up with young Andrew on Wednesday. Bit of a Champers evening? Good Show! I'd like to be there but I'm on at the 'Voice Box' on the South Bank with Ginsberg, Lowell, Henri and several other dead poets. Cheers!
Dortmund = Scouse Heaven
Nice to see you've had some ABCDebauchery while I've been on tour with the Liverpool Betty Ford Clinic.
I see you're perusing the drinks menu.
May I suggest a Cup of Worthington best, followed by a Cup of Gooner Bitter and a Cup of Alaves Golden?
I went to cafe in Dortmund called 'Ya Chukz' but it wasn't a patch on Hilda's fine establishment. Not a conny-onny butty in sight. The Brat was the Wurst I've ever had, the beer was like making love in a canoe, and the place was hot, noisy and overkrauted.
Hilda!
Chucks fizz for Ivory, pint of Alaves Golden and a packet of Cheese and Owen crisps for me.
And no fag ash in me ale this time!
* Si looks round at all the people. Realises that social events aren't his thang. Has one more Gin and Miltonic and then heads off when no-one is looking*
haven't you lot got homes to go to??? .... come on everybody out ... i said i'd lock up for hilda ... the launch of her new menu has proved over exciting ...
Pages