Best Book Titles

Album title: You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. (real) My favorite song title: Careful with that Axe, Eugene. (Pink Floyd) My favorite lyric: "One of these days I'm going to cut you up into little pieces." (Pink Floyd: One of These Days)

*agrees you can't*

Wasn't there also something about 'grooving in a cave with a pict' Justyn - was it 'Atom Heart Mother'?

I started a GREAT book about magical FISH It's called 'Sole of Riana'

Hammy diary coming up ..just give me a little time and a lot of moonshine. And whilst where on about the great beast ..I recently found this little gem of a title 'Sexing Dwarf Hamsters' ...not sure if this is a animal-care book, a mag to be wrapped in brown paper or a long lost Soft Cell album.

In my sixth form days I spent most of my time in the library - not studying, but playing three card brag. We had a challenge to find the dullest book there and the two top contenders were :- Swedish Embroidery and Coalhole Rubbing (the art of taking crayon rubbings of iron coal-hole manhole covers put there in Victorian times). Also, to much amusement, our very dull PE teacher (who of course claimed to be in the SAS) had a book published called "________'s book of soccer skills". He was rubbish at football, even I could skin him, and I was only about four foot five till I was 18.

I once read part of a book called "The History of the Pencil." Actually, it was rather interesting in its own way, but not enough to follow the story all the way to the present.

Sorry to inform you of this, Justyn, but the pencil is dead. Want to buy a HB pixel?

I know a french man who secured his job by sexing ducklings! no kid - you either can or you can't! (apparently)

'I Want To F*ck You' by P.P.Hartnett - good title and good book. Will Smith titles are always better than the actual writing - example - 'The Quantity Theory Of Insanity'. And I was seduced by the title and the blurb of this - 'Dreaming Of Strangers' by Matt Thorne - but was severley looking for a novel when I had finished it. Irvine Welch with 'Trainspotting' and 'Marabou Stork Nightmares' I could go one but I won't.... ;)

"The Restaurant at the end of the Universe" by Douglas Adams "So Long and thanks for all the fish" also by Douglas Adams. "The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul" also by Douglas Adams "The meaning of Liff" also by Douglas Adams "Conversation on the Dung heap - a reflection on Job" by Rosemary Hubble "Late have I loved you" by the Augustinian Sisters on the life of Saint Augustine. "Discobiscuits" - various

can't think of any best book titles but i knew someone who did a thesis titled: "the decline of the button industry" gripping eh?

on Sled and Horseback to Siberian Lepers a REAL book also dean, we need a verse Hamster diary and we need it now!

Two from my favourite author: Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates and Jitterbug Perfume Both by Tom Robbins. Best two books in my opinion as well. As for Grooving in a Cave with a Pict - yes it is on Atom Heart Mother, side four and does all those groovy things with stereo like the fly going from side to side. Very mould-breaking in its day. You have to have outsize headphones on to truly appreciate it - plus an enormous fully loaded bhong and a volume control you can crank up to max. Ah, those were the days.

'Restaurant at the End of the Cul-de Sac' by ME (one of the 'Port Landfill' series)

Can't think of any books.. but here are some titles I would like to read. I died yesterday. A complete history of an Elephant Dung. My life in 10 seconds. A working Boeing 747.. Lego construction book (medium standard) Walking AND Talking for Dummies (A howto book)

.. same technique as applied in wine tasting apparently.

yeah! hammy Diary the secret diary of Adrian's Vole? tee hee

or Briget Vole's Diary? hee hee

Woops ... hamster sat on the send button. Anyway the title of the book was 'Kiss Your Ass Goodbye' ...surely the best book title ever. Like to suggest your own anyone?

"You Look Much Better in Person" or, an actual book title (autobiography of Joe Namath): "I Can Hardly Wait for Tomorrow, because I get better looking every day."

A real one: Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me by Richard Farina. Possibles: I'm Talking Equality, Pleb! Climbing On Michael Jackson's Knee.

'Portnoy's Complaint' was interesting. THe world interpreted the phrase as a 'conditon' , but really at the end , he made a specific one! i thought it was effective.

Liver Come Back To Me?

Dreams of Tree Beard were dashed when ENTs turned out to be a medical book ;-(

Tell me more about this remarkable hamster....

" my bleak and damaged life " ..now there's a title to inspire the reader.

My hamster, my life or Rodent nights...what about those? That hamster deserves a biography, at the very least. Then a biopic, Baftas...then the Oscars. Who would play him in the film of his life?

That Irish bloke who does the business reports on the Beeb breakfast news can do a fair hamster imitation. What the hell IS his name now....?

Current chapter headings for said hmaster biog include: 'Where The Sun Don't Shine' ...the truth about Richard Gere. and 'In The Jaws Of Death' ... my brush with Freddie Starr. Any other suggestions, happily considered.

Real book title 'If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?'

Oh, I LIKE that one, Em. Reminds me of that Bonny Tyler song 'Loving you's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it'

Finnegans Wake is nice - better title than it is a book, particularly because almost everyone gets the apostrophe (or lack thereof wrong) *now really frightened that Eric will correct him* - far from being a story about one particular Finnegan's post-funeral celebration, the title is referring to the fact that during the course of the book a lot of members of the Finnegan family wake up.

The Art of Penis Puppetry Actual book, that is. I believe they do a live show too

The Queen and her Mum do a show called "The Regina Monologues"

Hearts in Atlantis by Stephan King The Woman who waks into doors

Griff, I'm pretty sure there are no fish in that particular book, possibly a few savage apostrophes, viciously striking out at defenseless words, but very few fish. Have just come across a fabulous song title: The Poem's Evil Page.

'Why Cats Paint. A Theory of Feline Aesthetics.' I kid you not. I have a photocopy of a page from this book - it shows a cat painting with its paws, standing on its hind legs. I quote from the caption: "Buster's representation of Van Gogh's 'Sunflowers' is a good example of invertism. From a purely visual perspective, the brown mark at the top of the work clearly represents the dark line which defines the edge of the table and the bottom of the vase, while the blue marks represent the flowers." What??!! (by the way, it's Heather Busch and Burton Silver, 1994, if anyone's interested ;)

is it from the same series as Yoga for Cats and Astrology for Cats? Cats, I tell you. They actually rule the world

Pool Of Dispair by Michael Barrymore

DIY Brain Surgery and other hobbies by err.. Who am I again?

Best Album Title: You're Never Alone With A Clone - the Copy Cats