Nobody's singing.
I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable after passing Frank the snoozing security guard.
The dank surroundings of the Emergency G Diss Bunker have not blunted my desire for intellectual challenge. I hunger for a test of my cognitive reasoning and cunning.
So, in the words of Sam Malone 'Carla, break out the Yahtzee.'
Afternoon.
As I type this we are beavering away to see if we can sort out this general discussion problem.
To pass the time while this high industry clunks and whirls on, can I join you in this here bunker? It looks cold and dank, just the way I like my bunkers to be.
This is an emergency broadcast from Emergency News Network.
ENN has received advance warning of incoming bad vibes into the bunker from various hostile agents.
Citizens should not adjust their lovely, smiling, flower faces.
Do not evacuate your bowels at this time.
Place your tray tables in an upright position.
Do not return fire.
Do not eat chilli.
Do not watch further episodes of 24.
The Secretary of State for War and General Bad Things is expected to give a statement after he has finished lunching at the Slap 'n' Spurt massage parlour in Pimlico.
That is all.
We now take you over to the House of Come Ons for a Statement on the situation from some Media Studies graduate in a suit.
Mr Speaker. Following the collapse of the G Diss and the subsequent explosion in the Psychoanalysis Industry I must now make a statement on that and stuff.
It is my opinion that the terror visited on the good citizens of the general diss, forcing them into a single thread on an unknown server, has been orchestrated by a single man.
This man is responsible for many lapses in coverage in the diss and has presided over some of the most heinous crimes in writing history. He goes under many guises but we have come to know him best as The Salaryman or The Uphill Gardiner. This man, along with his cohort The Noble Lord, represent an Axis of Steveil. They must not prevail.
Hear hear hear ug ug ug whoop whoop umunga umunga hooga hooga hooga squark
Hymn number 143. Oh Gosh In All Your Glory.
Oh Gosh in all your Glory.
And Chris in all your might.
Keep our souls from danger.
And keep us warm at night.
Be not forever agile.
Your glories so to do.
Make all our seasons cogent.
And all our family's too.
In hope that we not sunder.
Would not we free from bad.
Unto great is our triumph.
Not we not us not sad.
To serve thee do we struggle.
Mid fire and musty seed.
Thy floated pustule bursted.
Not be our want to lead.
Twixt Raggee O'Mah's tendrils.
We do but but we do.
Sponge oh the kindness sponge ed.
A doobie doobie do.
The reading will be read by Arthur Tounge-Dweezil.
And lo did the mighty rendings rend the rand of rond. And did we but hold up our arms and yell 'Oyters, oysters. Two for a phand!' whilst the lamb did broil and spit in it's wonderment. For twas upon this mount our saviour spooned and was cast down amongst the dusty bastards. And lo the Hand of Gob did lift up the teacup of Alex and cry 'Venus Williams? Well I would.' And the coupons were verily redeemed at the Tesco.
Let us prey.
Oh Heavenly Father. Protect us from civilisation and all that civ against us. Let us not squeak amonst the common people. Be thou elevated beyond Aldi and all that expodeth therein.
For thyne is the condom.
The flower and the gory.
For never and never.
Atchoo.
The topic of Wednesdays church meeting will be 'Why the church does not allow gay bishops but loves hetrosexual peadophiles.'
I know you don't want to know But Johnny D finished his repetoire off with a bit of Tommy Cooper and a touch of Pete Beale from Eastenders.
So Alec Guinness eat your heart out, Dick Van Dyke would be turning in grave if he was dead.
Some very strange makeup Mr D had on, looked like a cross between Gypsy Rose Lee and a Alice Cooper reject, spent most of the film jumping about half naked flexing his pecs.
I Can't see what you ladies see in him.
Ha Ha Ha! Liana, cool it. I get first dibs.
Our Jon is the master of disguises; has to be with all us wimmin after him. But oh god, did I love that scissor look. The dangerous gleam, the hint of snip, snip.....
btw, Liana - you get my message?
I have a few years on you, young woman. Age before beauty.
My Jon likes the 'older woman' mystique. Scat!
I spoke too soon about TC, anyway. Tech problems have developed with view there as well; trying to sort.
yes scat! In other words, yous better allez-vous, as well as raus mit dir, little floozie toozie after depp's hoozie!
*Ms. Kitty drags out the Marshall's six shooter from under her long skirts*
I lied about the half naked bit, but he is wearing a pirate costume loosely. The girl in the film is one of the most beautiful young ladies i've seen in a long time 'Kira Knightley' superb.
Wait.
Listen.
The guns...
they've..
they've stopped.
I think the sun is rising outside.
I think...
I think the g diss is back.
We can all go home...
We survived the great drought of July 2003.
Fixed!
Whoopee!
Now, like children released from the tiny, stifling confines of a dusty classroom, run out into your playground that is 'General Discussion'...
Have fun kids, and don't hurt each other....
so, who is playing silly buggers with the gen diss then eh?
either the forums die as one or stay up as one. if one discussion goes awol like gen hasd then someone has either pressed the wrong button or an ex, as I said below has set it to moderated mode just to pisss everyone off.
That's only a guess mind you
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