The final lamentations of an anomalous mind by enzo

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Sat, 2006-04-15 15:01

http://www.abctales.com/story/enzo/the-final-lamentations-of-an-anomalou...

i was pulled into the premise of this story at the start. It held my interest until after he killed her, but then i felt it lost it's way a little and my interest waned. I think it needs much tighter editing, particularly in relation to his girlfriend and her sister.

In terms of plot, it is intriguing if a little confusing at times. Why would his daughter want to kill him? I am not sure you really explained that.

I would reduce some of the inner-monologues and increase the dialogue in order to develop characters, i didn't get a sense of them, consequently i didn't feel for them.

I hope this helps, i think it is a good story that needs more work.

Juliet

Mon, 2006-04-17 23:18

Enzo

Thanks for the comment, Juliet. Funny how opinions are. I consider this to be the best thing I've done so far in some ways - better than the stories of the week I've had and the many of the cherries. I think that because although I agree with what you say, it's the first time I've tried to describe...things. And while a lot of the description in this story leaves a lot to be desired, I'm thinking about it a bit more these days. Plots I think historically I've done okay on, so I'm not so concerned about that. I take the point on character development, that's next on my list of things to fix in my writing. I'm opitimistic that for all it's flaws, this is a step forward for me *in principle* although maybe not in delivery. Hard to explain. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read it and comment. It's a long one for a typical ABC short, I know. Enzo.. www.thedevilbetweenus.com

Mon, 2006-04-17 23:21

Enzo

Please excuse the poor grammar and phrasing in my last post. I'm tired.

Tue, 2006-04-18 11:07

Juliet OC

ty for taking my comments as intended, i too struggle with character development and not being too cryptic but keeping the suspense. I do think it is a good story and you need others to read and make comments. It is long but it doesn't feel so - so what you waiting for? Juliet

Juliet

Tue, 2006-04-18 11:52

Enzo

Thanks JOC As far as I'm concerned, it's finished, for better or worse. Like everything else I write, I'll learn from it, plagarise it a little and try to improve next time. I'm too lazy for editing - I'll edit properly when I finally write something I really like! There's a lot of things to fix in my writing before I get onto 'Good editing skills'. Enzo.. www.thedevilbetweenus.com

Tue, 2006-04-18 15:51

Juliet OC

for me the editing is as equally important as the intial buzz of writing. The edtitng process is quiet and peaceful and has its own rewards. It is only when the words are out and distanced from me that i come up with my better lines. But it is your bag :) Juliet

Juliet

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