{{PLEASE READ ME}}THE PERFECT LIFE

I think the problem with this is the dear diary approach has been done to death, it would really need to be original in terms of the writing to engage the reader. I am afraid that this didn’t hold my interest; it didn’t really read like a diary, it was too self conscious. I think if you want to tell this story you need to think of a different way of doing so. The diary approach tells not shows, and without showing you tend not to care about the characters and their fate. I think to write in this style is very difficult to get right. The theme, realising that the happiness is not all about the perfect lifestyle is equally not a new one, so again you need to find your ‘voice’ and offer the reader your unique perspective on this theme. I hope you take this criticism in the way it is intended, which is to help you progress in your writing. Of course other readers may disagree with me. Juliet

In a surprising turn of events I've found myself agreeing with Juliet on a few things recently(!) and this is one of them. Drop the diary approach, I think. Try writing it as a straight up story, and see how it reads then. Like Juliet, I didn't find this particularly engaging, and I think the diary approach is why. That's not to say it doesn't have potential, I certainly don't think it's fundementally flawed, it just seems that the angle you've come at it from isn't the most appropriate.