Down The Bunker

Photos of all my family and friends, alcohol, oh and pass the baileys please, would you Liana babe?

a sand wedge any good? perhaps we could put george in it with a touch of mayo.

well this bunker is getting mighty 'normous ... so we'll be swigging homemade baileys in andrea's garden while wolfie and liana dawdle with various blokes in a vat of cream and choccy body paint ... and meremortal wanders hopefully with his fistful of condoms ... somehow i cannot get rid of the mental image of ralph bending over and watering the plants with his trousers down ...

(the worrying thing IS i have never even SEEN ralph ... does he really wear sock suspenders?)

Where do I plug in me hoover?

Can I hide down here for a bit?

I am bored with Jude now; he's so very pretty but rather intellectually challenged. How about Mr Bragg, Fishy? We could admire his hair and he could read us stories...yes Mr Bragg in the bunker I think, just for a while. What are sock suspenders? I had some Baileys ice cream the other night. Hwo does that sound, Jennifer? Have we got a fridge in here? How randy is Meremortal? Is he as randy as an Albanian goat who has yet to taste the delights of other Albanian goats, or just an Albanian goat who has mounted another in the last few weeks? (I like to assess the risks in these situations/rate my chances).

BILLY bragg in the bunker wolfie ... NOW you are talking ...

Do you reckon we could squeeze in Johnny Rotten as well? If you are going to have Billy, I would like Johnny (pouts in a corner). You have Billy Meremortal has a goat Stormy is gruff Ho Ho (Sorry, this bunker business is getting to me badly) Hey, Jude.....where are you mate......I need you

Right i'm bringing a big plush four poster bed as well. Not being to obvious, and max_dog can stay well clear he can have my bunker within a bunker bog thing. Clearly my mind slipped of a while our bunker was sounding more like an airplane!!

i will take my newly constructed 3 foot wide theatre down the bunker ... we can entertain ourselves by using it for its intended purpose which is the staging of great classics using Beanie Babies as characters ... currently under production "Joseph and The Amazing Technicolour Beancoat" ... there is terrible argument in the Beanie Baby basket i am informed ... over which beanie will play joseph ... my money is on Roam (the bison) ...

Jacob, Jacob and sons....the bison was Jacob's favourite one...la la la. I think I need my tablets now, a flannel on my forehead and a little lie down. Please, play on......I am looking forward to this Beanie cultural feast. I have a pink teddy bear who is aching to play Lear..............

Continuing the alcoholic theme, I'd plump for a jumbo cask of Dank and Gloomy's Old Weaselstrangler. Plus an unbreakable glass, and a big stick to beat off the jealous peasantry. Nice soft bogpaper would be essential after the above, so I'd require a lifetime supply of my favourite: Skid-U-Like de luxe; each sheet embossed with a full-colour reproduction of Our Glorious Leader's delightful grin. Now that, I would be willing to pass round.

ah ... yes ... the bison would look fab in that coloured coat ... i expect the part will go to some luvvie beanie with more charisma ... Pounce the Cat for instance ... or that horrid Ostrich (Stretch) ... i am going to suggest "Waiting for Nibbly" for the next production ... easy scenery ... of course the beanies themselves want the Sound of Beanies complete with painted hillsides and whatnot ... *sighs*

...and I'll bring me satin sheets... Have to wash 'em first, though. Which reminds me - what are the...er...washing facilities like, like?

Washing? I'll need a bath, very hot water and lots of candles. By the way, I have no idea of Meremortal's attractiveness but the temptation of a four poster is very alluring...not so sure about the satin sheets though, I'm a crisp white linen girl myself. Don't you slide all over the place on satin? Still, there seems to be an air of luxury creeping in, which might compensate for the stench of animals and people rushing to caress their behinds with Roy's plush bog paper. I like it.

Fish I would not water the plants down in the bunker. I would read them poetry. I would also crack walnuts inbetween my knees. Ralph

Max Factor's Lip Infinity. What do you think Fish? Have three now. Mortgage bouncing, mind....

Great advocate of crisp, white cotton in...er...other areas, Wolfie, but isn't sliding all over the place half the fun? And don't forget the incense wiv the barf and candles (patchouli's my favourite - well, what else?) Most males seem to detest incense, though... Ah well, can't win 'em all, eh?

Oh now i am hurt!.....I merely (hah pun oh dear was it i don't know) wanted to use the condoms to make balloons. As for the risk i'll remind you we are going to be locked in a bunker for a long period of time aren't we? SO that is ever increasing of course!! Have no fear as always i am the perfect gentleman. Well i try to remember to put the seat down and always stay awake for at least 5 minutes afterwards. Oh and i never keep my socks on(even when it's really cold!)

What just re read all the postings!! I have a goat! why did no one tell me!!.....can't have that. Well i'm not cleaning up after it anyway!! Of course i suppose it will have to stay clearly some people down in the bunker are getting very desperate!

Never mind, Mortal, goats are great creatures. Not only will it keep the grass down (won't we all, hopefully?), but it'll also provide us with nourishing milk and cheese. And if it refuses to do all that, we can eat it...

Can I join the BUNKER people???? Have had a really bad day. Even the eminent WW3 doesn't bother me, that's how bad my day's been. PS Bottle of red wine, some baccy and I promise to be good. HONEST x my heart etc. AJ :>(

Icense perhaps won't go down to well but candles are a must! Well where else will we get light from and what better way to light a four poster bed? (As for my attractiveness while you may never know for sure i have received a fair share of compliments......although my grasp of sarcasm isn't great!)

*has sudden idea for entertainment - Bunker Big Brother*

I've been trying to resist this thread but with all this talk of sheep, goats and llamas plus a market for condoms, I can resist no longer.... ... I will need a pair of shears, a spinning wheel and my needles... ... Sharing?.. No!... My contraceptive products will only be available to those who can afford them. The rest can go forth and multiply.

Yes wolfie there will have to be a fridge - otherwise how will we make ice for the baileys??? And preserve the cream?? Jx

By the way, has anyone noticed that Stormy hasn't come back in after his fag? Come on, Stormy dear...you'll miss Meremortal making funny animal balloons out of condoms, Andrea slaughtering a goat and ehem...Roy enjoying the rewards of his supersoft bog paper. You might pick up some seduction techniques from Meremortal...he's such a smoothy. Or share a Baileys with Jennifer.........

we must have lots of fresh fruit and veg down the bunker otherwise we shall all get vitamin B deficiency ...

But plenty of protein it appears......

can i take my gun?

sorry wolfie, I've been negotiating the flexibility of the ciggie rule and discussing the merits or otherwise of bringing flavoured and/or ribbed condoms into the bunker. dead rat flavour may stop meremortal putting them near his lips. given the international make up of this bunker, I do wish you would stop referring to "stormy going out for a fag". our cousins will think I hire rent boys for a night then "put them out" as one does a cat before lights out! now, has anybody seen Baabaraa? oh there you are dear...... MARK! I've told you once.

ahm awl up four this beyg bruthurr thang. so long as y'all aint too yeller ter plaey? mah nominashawns fer the ferst ta go are............. billy bragg jude law the sheep and marks goat best wih lit a few voats git herd then fish ken disaide wahen shea gets back awnline. luv ya .

Is rather outraged that anyone would dare suggest her sharing her baileys!

How long are we to be down the bunker anyway. I hope it's not too long i'm pretty sure the lack of air might get a bit discomforting after a while...

Gotta share EVERYTHING down a bunker - part of the deal, I thought. None of that 'you scratch my back, I'll stab yours' rubbish... (Bit vague as to who wrote that. Mr. Lennon?)

I nominate prince edward....