`Ave a Bootchas

This was sent to me by my brother in law,who is actually from Essex

Here, in Essex man’s top paper – the guide lists the definition of "paipa" as The Sun – we list summava best.

A-Z of Estuary English

assband — as in "Am assband", "I am confined to the house".
awss — a four-legged animal on which money is won or lost.
blinding — excellent, as in "West Am/Tottenham/Arsenal are blinding" (delete as appropriate).
bruvver — male sibling (or Mitchell).
cort a panda — quarter pound hamburger.
cach — sofa, settee.
caf — daytime eating house.
dan ill — a) in the direction of the bottom of an incline, b) decline, ie. "Kat from EastEnders gone a bit dan ill lately."
donut — idiot.
eassband — as in "Eassband, mate" (instructions to cabbie to take Essex man in an easterly direction).
effix — moral principles.
fanx — an expression of gratitude.
fink — ponder.
Furrock — where to find the Lakeside Shopping Centre.
gaff — house or home.
garrij — the motah’s gaff.
haitch — letter between G and I (usually dropped).
Ibeefa — Balaeric holiday island.
innit — a) is it not? A superfluous suffix, as in: "I’m goana Saffend, innit."
jacks — £5 note.
janartamean — do you know what I mean?
kebab — meat meal (for when you have the munchies).
lame — of poor quality or taste. For emphasis use "well lame".
larf — laugh, as in: "You’re avin a larf" - you cannot be serious.
minger — an unattractive person, usually female.
motah — car (generic); usually Ford Fiesta.
mullered — (also trolleyed, bladdered) very, very drunk.
muppet — idiot.
nice wun — congratulations.
no wurriz — a) never mind, b) you’re welcome.
oi oi! — traditional greeting.
oppit — go away.
padda puff — soft, lacking aggression.
paipa — The Sun.
quality — good, great. As in: "Paulo di Canio is quality."
rear of the year — idiot. Literally "prize a**e".
space cadet — a person with plenty of space where their brain should be.
spoze — to be inclined to think.
tan — London, as in "I’m goan up tan".
ug — an unattractive person, male or female.
vacher — a document that can be exchanged for goods or services.
webbats — where, in which place, specifically; as in: "Webbats you goin, squire?"
wonnid — a) desired or needed, b) sought by the police, as in: "Ees wonnid by the awforties."
yafta — you must; you are obliged.
yooz lot — the assembled company.
zaggerate — to suggest something is better than it is. Like West Am’s chances of avoiding relegation.

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