Guinness Book of ABC Records ...

I seem to remember owning up in a long gone thread to once being a male model for M&S. Well I have another claim to fame that I wouldn't normally mention, but seeing as how Steve admitted to the satanic killing of a goldfish and Liana has owned up to cleaning her teeth with her travel pass I may as well go for broke and admit that I had my photograph published in an international magazine a few years ago. A magazine I believe Liana reads on occasion. The mag in question? 'Q'. What was unusual about this event? Well, it was........................

Damn you Mississippi. Fess up.

What is "Q" magazine?

er.......um...........well to tell the truth.......hell this is embarrassing........

I can fly.

were you naked, missi?

You bastard Robert, you've seen it?

Stark bollock? Full frontal?

*pricks up ears* missi??

I mean ...

Ok, I'll explain. First for the benefit of Justyn and any others that aren't familiar with 'Q' mag, it's a music magazine. 'Q' run a monthly competition with extremely desirable prizes which have included such things as the 100 top selling CD's, expensive Hi Fi systems, widescreen digital TV's etc. I have never entered any of the comps as they tend to be focused on more recent music and topics that I have scant knowledge of. However around 5yrs ago when the mag was approaching it's 10th anniversary they decided to hold a special competition! They wanted photos of readers in possession of the first issue. They said there would be a very special prize but declined to say what it was. They also said they would publish a few of the best pictures and suggested that entrants be 'inventive and imaginative' with the pics. Well it was obvious what they expected and I, along with others duly obliged. I took my photo in my lounge, stark bollock as Steve put it, holding my copy of issue 1 in a strategic position. (The one I took whilst perched on the bog looked so crude I could almost smell the fart!) Anyway, I was shocked on opening the relevant issue a month later to see that I had been judged one of several winners and the bloody pic was printed for all to see. I didn't realise so many people who know me read the damn mag. I was sitting in my local with several friends who knew nothing of my escapade, when the guest booked for the night in the folk club upstairs entered. He was someone I'd known for years who lived in Newcastle and as he walked past our table he smiled at me and said, 'I'm glad to see you've got your clothes on tonight George'. I was still getting remarks about it 2yrs later. The bit that really pissed me off was the prize that they announced in the mag alongside the pics, was not a 1000 CD's or a state-of-the-art Hi Fi or computer. It was a case of fucking Guiness bitter! Firstly I don't drink bitter of any kind, secondly all my mates that do, said they wouldn't drink the stuff unless their lives depended on it, and thirdly the bastards forgot to send the stuff anyway. A mate of mine was so incensed at the perceived fraud that he wrote to them in my name and slagged them. A week later a Securicor van pulled up outside my house and duly delivered a case of the offending liquor. For 6mths every time a friend called I tried to get them to drink some of it but no one wanted it. I eventually went to somebodys party and took the lot there, and spent the evening drinking someone elses lager!

Have you get a copy of the picture, Mississippi, so ABCtales can publish it on the site?

I tried for several weeks to kill sales of the mag by going into newsagents and hiding copies behind 'Womans Own'. When this didn't seem to be working I thought perhaps I'd buy every copy I came across and destroy them but I was on a loser here too. I do indeed have a copy as I have every issueand the publishing rights can be negotiated if required!

I can turn my tounge into a platter....see? Oh, nevermind.

Oh my God! I saw that picture! I remember thinking 'What a very sad man.' And now, all these years later, here you are. And you are not in any way sad at all! WOW!

I once eat seven apples in an afternoon. Was not very well afterwards.

well i get the award for Aggression and Bad Mood Painting ...

I once ate someone's guppy out of their aquarium but I was under the weather at the time.

I once at the whole Guiness book of records. Hey, I was a starving student and I had hoped it would put me in the newer version as a world record. Alas, 'twas not mean to be.

i can fit my travel pass in my mouth sideways.....

hahahahhaa ....*ponders EXACT dimensions of travel pass*

*wonders if Stephen drank the water along with swallowing the guppy*

*hopes fay isnt reading this*

in case anyone is interested here is the link to the Ear Hair World Record Pic ... http://www.guardian.co.uk/gall/0,8542,645784,00.html

No. Justyn, I didn't. I have some standards. (see W.C. Fields on the dangers of water)