Argument, debate or row - a talking point

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Argument, debate or row - a talking point

We live in 'happening times where there is a lot to discuss. How do Abc-bods feel about point of view and do we feel it reflects back to where we are from?

Where I am from - North London Jews, an argument simply meant a bunch of people chucking a load of views about. When I was young it was acceptable to say to someone I knew, who was my own age 'that is a load of rubbish' and then to say your own view. Both people would say what they meant and would still be friends. Some of this outlook has stayed with me although I have learned diplomacy.

I think that people who are more 'English' than myself, including middle-class people often try to avoid argument and debate because they see an argument as being close to a fight. Also perhaps some people see an argument as something that they have to 'win'.

This is not aimed at anyone  it's an open talking point.

Your views?

My husband's family seemed to find it hard to think of argument not being 'war', and so things were bottled up, and often resulted in bursting anger that was like war. My own family were open to say if they felt rather cross about something, or hurt, or frustrated, or annoyed. They knew it would be thought about, even if a bit grumpily, but wouldn't be taken out-of-propotionately, as expecting a flare-up.

These days there seems a tendency to throw around comments on current events etc, with no thought to listen to reasoned arguments, and debate trying to show points that may not have been thought of.   Rhiannon


Reasoned arguments are a good idea but sometimes everyone has their own 'reasons!'

I was brought up by parents who vigorously debated the issues of the day.  My dad did view 'debates' as gladiatorial contests, which he enjoyed tremendously.  It was all around the topic though, and never meant to be taken personally.  He would cheerfully tell you your views were bloody daft, but he expected you to fight your corner and shake hands afterwards.  

Later on in life I learned that some people regard a disagreement with their views as a personal slight, and I have learned to assess the situation before wading in.

Where possible I avoid on line debates.  Without the cues that you get face to face, it is easy for things to be misinterpreted.  I also don't get the point of a lot of it - for me the purpose in debating an issue is an exchange of views, with both sides possibly seeing a side of the argument they haven't thought of before.  On line exchanges seem to reinforce prejudice on all sides.  


Anything online means we don't hear the other person's voice or see their face which makes it harder to gauge the person's mood. Also if it is a heated debate where we don't know the other person things can get heated in a bad way. I try to limit my views when I am on Facebook.

english middle class and upper class peoples pathetic pov of being scared of honest debate and difficult political conversations is why england is quickly turning into europes first

Third world country

Stephen d

Europe's first third world country? IMO there may be several competitors for the title. Mainly countries that I haven't had the urge to tourist about in eg Russia and Ukraine. However England has got its shortcomings and I suspect Brexit will make things worse. I hope there can be a last minute turnaround. We have strained Europe's patience but not yet to breaking point. I think they would still prefer us to Remain.

I wonder why Americans use the word fight when they mean argument? In England a fight means a fist fight.



Oww, the pain! I get the Guardian Weekly. Alfie, I am now on heart tablets. (spoiler - one of these sentences is a lie)

But read and hear news with scepticism. Believe me.

Stephen d

Further I think if I was to buy a newspaper it would be the gaurdian times or independantt basically any english broadsheet or the glesga herald is worth a mention.

Stephen d

What pees me off about England today is that is like the early 80's. Us and them, are you with us or are you against us? Back then I was in my 20's and I cheered for Scargill and booed Thatcher and went on loads of demos. No regrets - it was the enthusiasm of youth and Maggie was viler than Theresa and Scargill was more authentic than Corbyn.

Now I'm 61 and I'm damn sick of one side saying something, anything at all and the other side shouting them down because they are right so the other lot have to be wrong. It's tedious, it's pathetic. How about our politicians attempting to grow up and sit round the table working out a bit of consensus politics that keeps most people satisfied most of the time. Let's get real, this country needs sucessful business entrepreneurs eg to own and run hotels. It also needs the bartenders and cleaners, and yes we should get a better rate, my main part-time job is cleaning and we also need the customers.

That's my rant for the day. I don't even feel like ranting while the weather's this hot. I live near the sea and I'm going for another swim tomoz.

Boys and girls are different and some this is biological.

Years ago, when I did my turn on the playgroup rota it seemed to me that generally small boys are more forward physically and small girls are more forward verbally.

However they are all 'individuals' and we should encourage children to develop their strengths and work on their limitations.

The same is true for 'grown--ups'.

I think that females are expected to conform more socially and the pressure often comes from our own gender. The one form of employment I have often disliked is female office environments. A bunch of battery hens picking one another to bits over petty issues.

Female retail environments and cleaning jobs have often felt more human.

Motherhood in my experience can been particularly toxic. Outside of our own friendships we have the constant pressure of being judged 'by a jury of one's peers.'

However post-menopause if we are still alive and have a bit of energy left I feel we get more leeway. Perhaps there is a social consensus amongst both genders that we have 'served out time!'