You know you're getting old when..

...you shun parties and take up gardening...

your age is a very high number. You walk out on the London Philharmonic saying, "Bloody modern rubbish, we had proper tunes in our day, where were the "Hay nonny nonnies?" You see a beautiful romantic scene in a film where someone has dimmed the lights and placed hundreds of little candles around the place and all you can think is, "fire Hazard" You find yourself looking at an ad in the back of a Sunday Newspaper magazine and thinking, "Hand Painted? Limited Edition? And such a lovely image of those kittens. I'll get me one of those plates and put it over the fireplace. It was lucky I saw this before they sold all nine hundred million copies"

Someone asks how old you are - and you can't remember.

or someone asks you how old you are and you start sobbing..

... "Hand Painted? Limited Edition? And such a lovely image of those kittens. I'll get me one of those plates and put it over the fireplace..." AARRGGHH - speak for yerself, Ely. I will NEVER get that old.

*sits quietly looking smug* Emily, I did something similar once - borrowed my mum's tena lady in a panic....Well, enough said really. As you're just a young'un like me, come sit over here and join me in looking smug

....the stranglers album is advertised as "get it for your dad" ....when you realise that you are older than every one in the england football team (except safe dave seaman)... ...when you like sitting down in bars... ...or prefer sitting down at home to sitting down at bars...

...cops look like pimply schoolboys...

I'm older than David Seaman. Those hand finished limited edition plates are good for throwing at people in a fit of rage. I remember the Stranglers when they weren't part of the esablishment 45 next month and still as sexy as ever....

....1971 seems like yesterday. That summer was my first trip to Europe. I've still got all the letters I wrote to my parents during those 3 months. Perhaps somewhat hard to believe, but it is possible to write a 1000 word letter on an aerogramme. Not easy, but possible. I seem to have averaged between 800-1000 words each. The Stranglers were more of a minor cult band in the U.S. I remember being at some dance place in NYC in the early 80s and they were the featured band. Unfortunately, they didn't start until about 3am, by which time I was long gone. I'd never heard of them at the time. I later encountered their music when Keith Floyd used one of their songs as the theme to his cooking show. I have a cd of their stuff around here someplace. One of my early memories is of watching Rebel Without a Cause at a drive-in movie theater. This was the original release of the film, not an oldies event. I was sitting between my parents on the front seat of our old Nash Rambler, elevated on a bunch of pillows so I could see over the dash board. That's still one of the great films of all time.

*feels mortally embarrassed on Ari's mums behalf*

...when you saw star wars the first time...when it came out... ..remember the crisps with the little blue salt sachets... ...remember Elvis dying... of course, for those a tad older, then the death of jfk, robert kenedy, or malcom x, or martin luther king is a similar indicator of decrepitude !!!

When you realise you're older than Sven.

you get your drugs from your doctor . . .

...your birthday comes more often than you do.

. . . it's only your back that gets stiff . . .

when nightclubs make you shudder and you might rather go and have a look round a nice cathedral ...

. . . you start listening to Radio 2 . . .

you used to eat weetabix for breakfast.

... you say "let's find a quiet pub with no loud music on so we can hear what we are saying"

you phone an old friend and soon find yourself in the middle of a conversation about mortgages and pension planning... neither of you can remember how you got onto the subject.

... you say ... "oooh i think i can feel a draught ... is there a window open somewhere?"

you worry when your parents stay out late.

... when you really like getting into bed and reading a book ... and you have a pair of really comfortable pajamas ...

you check the washing instructions before you buy an item of clothing.

. . . you have slippers . . .

When you strike up a conversation with someone in the pub about the music on the jukebox and mention a band they have never heard of and then discover they were born after the band split up. When you realise you are now older than a lot of the presenters on tv shows ( or the same age) When you get told that actually you look about 33 -34 when you 40 this year and you feel pleased about the comment When you start trying to help other people with their problems because you think have experienced whatever they have experienced and can therefore advise on the best way to cope *** I dont get this tena lady stuff, I am having trouble trying to get the concept.

...you can remember Francis Gary Powers. ...you know that U2 was an airplane before it was a rock group. ...you remember standing outside watching for the Echo I satellite to pass overhead, or later Echo II. ...you know what Strontium 90 is.

i still do...maybe I'm younger than I think...I also like to pur hot tea over the little bix....lovely, and I've been having them that way since I was a kid, my dad, in an effort to save time, would not boil milk and make tea, he just made a pot of tea and poured them over the weetabix....gotta try it iceman...it'll take years off you...

whats strontium 90? *feels positively adolescent after reading some of the above*

...you remember loading up the Ogres and Wizards game on tape on your Dragon 32K machine and then playing it for three hours solid. ...you remember seeing "Diamonds Are Forever" at the cinema. ...look through old photographs and wonder how you were so incredibly slim then ...grey hairs was something your dad had ...you remember crisps cost 2 and a half pence ...there were Spangles in every sweetshop rather than on EBay

When people start talking about being old at forty.

Strontium 90 was supposed to be a radioactive substance that would get into the milk supply as the result of nuclear fallout. This goes back to the days of above-ground testing of nuclear bombs.

Thanks Justyn *munches on a farleys rusk*

you played on an atari you remember mobile phones the size of large bricks... you remember the punch cards they used in the early computer days (well I remember then from working in 1983...) remember some of the 66 team still playing football...

. . . remember Stanley Matthews and Tom Finney playing football . . . remember pennies, shillings, florins, threepenny bits, half-a-crowns, 10 bob notes! . . . remember the days when phones stayed immobile and couldn't get out and about and make other people's lives a flippin' misery . . . remember when no-one had even heard of computers . . .

...when you start talking to people who were born in the 80s....

...you remember when the laser was new and no one was sure what it might be used for.... ...you remember what a mimeograph machine was.... ...you remember when an electric typewriter was cutting edge technology....

.. a younger person opens a door for you and says "after you, SIR" .. you're shopping for shoes and find yourself thinking "they look comfortable" .. you get National Trust tokens for your birthday ..you open a drawer and find the cardboard cut-out moustache from the original Sgt Pepper album ..your favourite bag of white powder is lemsip

...when you realize that some people born in the 80s are adults now..... *screams loudly*

i've always hated places that play music really loud. they only do this in order to up the sale of alcohol - conversation is rendered impossible, so all you can do is drink. the punters happily collaborate because they don't actually have any conversation. the hit parade rules. i like big, dark, half-empty places. i have always loved going to bed, which i do at least three times a day when i can. sleep is a rose, the Persians said.

You catch yourself saying "because I said so"... you realize you can't shop in the "junior" section anymore, without looking silly... A salesperson tells you "oh, that's a nice jacket, I just bought one for my mother" ... *runs screaming from the room at the memory*

especially as she ends up at the bottom again anyway. What's the point in that? hot tea on weetabix? ewww!!! I have cereal with no milk, don't understand the attraction of soggy cereal...

Ari, I'm glad you've worn tena lady too :) but at least you didn't walk up to a young woman at the checkout and pay for it! *sits next to Ari and grins sweetly* ooh, one question. Don't you think it's stupid that the women in the Oil of Olay (why not Ulay any more?) adverts are always way too young to be worrying about wrinkles? And that Stannah lady can definitely walk...

i shop in Tammy Girl, for summer jeans and stuff, because i can fit in their upper size trousers.. its way cheaper, and i dont care how silly i look in the changing rooms with my zimmer. My 12 year old daughter also size 14/15 in their jeans hates me for it. I dont care :o))

Maybe I won't worry about looking silly then! *cheers up and plans a shopping trip*

When I was in Bermuda I used to have apple jacks and coca cola for breakfast sometimes. There was this huge icebox in the kitchen of this millionaire's house along the Harrington Sound, and the bathroom was wal to wall mirrors. I had a moped which I used to ride every day to the Flatts and even thumbed a ride to St Georges. Shopping in Hamilton was fun and I bought a Beatles album there. The following year there was a firece storm and the whole house, all of it, fell into the water. Well it was fun while it lasted. I was 17. iceman

when people who were born in the 80's are your children ...

you have to wear tena ladies, I mean is that OLD or what?? The worst bit is when you have to go and ring the buggers out!! 'cos your on a pension and you can't afford to buy anymore.

...the suggestion of buying leather jeans is met with guffaws of laughter and suggestions that they would look ridiculous on somebody weighing over 200 pounds. ...you tap your feet to God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols ...the tshirt you bought for £10 in Kings Road is now worth enough to buy a 100 CDs. ...the guitar you bought in 1983 is actually now worth more than what you paid for it, and the same goes for the 1963 VOX AC15 amplifier with 12 inch celestian speakers