Does Flash Deserve a Cherry?

I really enjoyed it (particularly being in a fairly murderous mood today). I thought the plot was great and the twist at the end entirely surprising. Celia's character was very complete, even though her actions are mainly described in speech. The only crit I would have is the part in the park with the four girls, I felt it was just slightly clichéd (whereas the rest wasn't although it could so easily have been). Perhaps if the line about them being like the three witches in Macbeth was taken out (since that's what I was already thinking without the need to underline it) then it would work better. There were some lines that made me hoot though like "Dr Finchley on the other hand was as said." ( I once called my boss a pig f***ker but that's a different story) The school marm in me says Flashy can have his cherry ONLY when he goes back and corrects his grammar!

I agree with Rachel, well thought out story with a good flow. Correct your grammar and resubmit! We can't have sloppy work now.

Give me a cherry you Bastards.

I've seen this one before, haven't I? Gets a bit Hannibal Lecter-ish! Good but yes i think the part with the girls is overdone. The ending is terrific though!

Hey Flashy don't be greedy, you've already got one! If they're being rationed, Mark, give one to cprofitt instead. Or maybe Alp, she's working really hard recently.

OK flash, Mark thinks you need to go away and re-write it, but I gave you a cherry because you asked so nicely, you bastard.

I think i love you.

*imagines Rachey in Headmistress gear, with a big cane disciplining him* Cooooorrrrr.

* is so glad is no longer headmistress - was most trying * Great story flash though!

Flash, ah ah, he can save every one of us.

Seriously thank you very much all of you for your kind and generous comments. Mark-Rewrite it all? Rachel-Do you mean remove the whole park scene all together? Improve Grammar......er ........yes will try harder next time.

No I don't know about remove it entirely - it works and is very funny and also fills a gap in Celia's journey home. But maybe a rethink in parts 'cos it is a tad steriotyped in others. The grammar wasn't a major detraction. (are you watching revenge of the lovers (or something like that) on Ch 5 - inspiration point? might start a thread on it on Gen Dis)