closing a chapter

When i started to go a bit insane a couple of years ago i had no-one to turn to i don't know why but the forums became theraputic for me. I think in a way it was knowing that someone was listening to me. I couldn't find anyone else, then it became a bit much with my absuive outbursts really demeaning the site.

I've been up all night soul searching trying to just for once and for all lay it to rest. I think i've got it. Its me the real me the me i've been searching for all my life. I thought at first iwas going to come and post and goonandon about all the pain and misery that had affected my life. But i can't, not any more. It's not fair on you, it's not fair on others and more importantly, it's not fair on me.

Whatever happened in my life and whatever i have said one thing for sure is i love my mum and truly forgive anyone who has ever hurt me. Oh i was going to goonandon about the prods who beat me up coming home from school but i don't want to because they where just like me, a child, i was going to goonandon about everything else, but i'm not.

But, i have went the whole hog on this site and informed the World at large about my inner most feelings even although it was not done intentionally. The fact of the matter is *and i know most of you don't give a F or just laugh at me*, but, the fact of the matter is i've always believed i should have been a female, and, this is behind a lot of my pain and anguish in life which in turn makes me not find my inner peace, which of course has manifested on to these forums.

The things i have been saying recently really take me to tears when i think about it. In no way do i advocate violence on to anyone nor do i think vicousley of anyone. All that is just said because of the thing i have to deal with.

I'm not going to say much more infact thats about it. lisa_d well
Lisa stephen daly *cool eh* ;)) Scots transgender babe *sighs checks bitten nails and thinks to get to boots on giro day to begin slow transformation to my female self*

It's a big thing but isn't it, to me it is, heck it is but isn't it. But, the peace inside i can already feel cause this time i aint backing out, i think if i don't do this it will end up killing me, anyway thats enough. Sorry mark for yesterday and every other day. I know i've tried before and it collapsed but this time with conviction i think you've seen the back of stephen_d, BUT BUT thats not to say that Lisa_d will won't be around, though not for a bit.

Anyway thankis x