Help me please!

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
Help me please!

Can anyone help me by giving me some advice over my last posted piece, 'My Demon'? It is the first chapter of a book that I'm in the middle of writing (75% written) and I would very much appreciate people telling me what's wrong/how I can improve.

Thank you in advance!!!


I was just thinking how this part of the forum isn't used much - funny, considering this site's about writing! Anyway, I'll have a look at 'My Demon' & come back 2U... "P"
Can't find it, Lis! Could you post a link??
P, ive started a tread in Discuss writing from abc.
P, ive started a thread in Discuss writing from abc.
Found it. Printed it. Will read it & comment. Ta, Em!
Pepsoid, here's the link... (hope that works) Lisa, I have just read your piece and I think that is a good idea with lots of potential. However the first thing that struck me about it was the amount of exclamation marks you used, in my opinion there are far too many of them and in quite a few places they are used inappropriately. Also when you finish a line of dialogue and follow it with he said or she asked etc there should be a comma after the dialogue and not a full stop. I thought that in places the narrative came across as conversational and in one or two cases almost read like first person narrative. Maybe that is something you might consider doing; instead of writing it in third person why not try writing it in first person. I hope that you take this in the spirit it is intended and please remember it is just one man's opinion. Good luck with the novel. Patrick
Topic locked