We don't have to worry about anything "hard" above THIS thread just below ;-)

bad sense of humor

yours I mean

vengeful type of person

you I mean

only your blades are sharp

not your mind

your topics are not threads

they are ropes that suffocate

THOSE WHO ARE KIND

you make art feel embarassed....

art is afraid of your blades

nice composition, sky. I was almost tempted to to what I criticise others for in connection with this bloke, but your soft words have said it all for me, and my aggressive, male mind is calmed. RIP PM (please)

But I swear I will get the last shot in folks... so keep on playing; I got nothing better to do than f**k with you... ;-)

ever occur to you that it might just be the other way round? irony is so often mislaid don't you think, Paul?

only way you'll get close to a f.u.c.k. mr omellette.

buckets of wisdom here..... offerred by omellette......

I have just been reading all this stuff about "Torturing Tanya". Wow !!!! What have I been missing ! Just one question. How do you all find the time to do any meaningful writing when you all spend so much time in the Forum agruing ??? Only joking. This is the best read I have had in a long time, and I dont mean the story that has caused all this consternation, I mean all the messages you have all posted about it. Keep taking the tablets,(as God said to Moses) ! Now, I must get back to writing, preferably something dark and controversial that will stir up a load of argument and get me noticed !!! Tee-hee ! Lucinda.

Lucinda, it will not have escaped your notice that the true interest gained from reading the Torturing Tosser thread was in the erudite comments from the audience. The writer of the piece under scrutiny did not at ant point display one whit of wit. Yet we constantly open our doors to these odious self-publicists. Why? Because they make us feel soooo talented when we stand next to them. And they're so thick they provide us with endless amusement. Omellette must stay!

pick an ant... any ant...

And hit a Tory, any Tory

my aunt's a Tory! please don't hit her!

hah hah, it seems that all BBS are the same. Arguing, noisy... Even in China...... :))

I take one day off from this nonsense... and you guys really slide into ludricosity! Although I gotta admit, Omellette IS kind of original!! Kind of "Shakespeare-esque"... I agree that the most entertaining writing here HAS been HERE!!! And I have to argue that the Threat Ferret thinking I have not displayed one whit of wit... not a bad remark either, although it says little for the lot of you if I, without a "whit of wit" can keep you stirred up and from "meaningful writing", as dear Lucinda pointed out. (Hey babe... you write something dark, let me know... I'll be happy to read and rate it... maybe even a little collaberation might be in order!!! ;-) ) Oh, and Europrudes... ah, never mind... I'm surprised you'd even TRY to use the word "f.u.c.k." in conversation... But I do bet the last vagina YOU saw was your mothers.. during your still-birth... Tally-HO!

Posting any new articles during this silly boycott... it's obvious you want to read my stuff here... ***** Lyla and I were laying in bed early on a Monday morning. I had been given a couple of days off from my duties on the ship as a reward for some unique and above-the-call work I had done a few nights before during a crisis onboard. We were savoring the sweetness of being young and in love and having the whole day in front of us to do what ever came into our minds... I knew what that usually was and eagerly anticipated the dynamic passion that was our sex... Suddenly our reverie was interrupted by a loud knocking on our door. I climbed from the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans as I walked toward the front door. Peering through the peephole, I saw two police officers; two of "Keystone's" finest. I opened the door to see what the bozo's wanted. "We have a warrant to search your apartment," one of them stated as the other shoved a paper at me. I took the paper and read it as the men invaded my home. Lyla peeked out from the door of our bedroom as the law enforcement officials moved about the apartment. "Is there anybody else here?" one of the cops asked. I told him my fiance was in the bedroom and needed to get dressed. They instructed me to sit on the couch while they waited by the door for her to leave the room. The paper I had was indeed a lawfully executed search warrant. It said that items used in an attempted rape were being sought... ***** The previous Friday night, Lyla and I had spent the evening with a shipmate of mine, Phil and his wife, Joan. We had little in common except that we liked to drink and talk and maybe play some cards. Phil's wife was a pleasant woman, not too pretty, and he seemed to be content with her. For his part, I never felt like he treated her right... but that was between them. It had gotten pretty late and Phil and Joan offered us to sleep in their guest room instead of driving back to our apartment. The local police loved to watch for cars leaving the base late at night... finding one reason or another to pull them over and do a sobriety test; a test I would have surely failed. As it happened, our accepting the invitation would prove to be a godsend. When Lyla and I drove home that Saturday morning, the apartment complex was in an uproar. Apparently one of our neighbors had been attacked in her apartment by a would-be rapist but had managed to fend him off and escape with only a few scratches. Lyla and I discussed measures she should take for her safety on nights I had to be on the ship... including possibly having her stay with Joan on the base since Phil and I shared the same duty night. We never considered that this situation would spill over to us... ***** The Keystone Cops searched all around our apartment. Those who have read other segments of my Lyla memoirs know that we did engage in some mildly kinky sex, so needless to say, the cops were sure happy to find a pair of handcuffs, a couple of bondage magazines, and some pre-cut coils of rope on the shelf in our closet. They also confiscated a Hawaiian print shirt, a small-caliber handgun that I had purchased for Lyla's protection when I was gone... and a butcher knife from our kitchen cabinet. I laughed with Lyla at the site of the shirt. The official report that was attached to the warrant stated that the "suspect" was approximately 6'2", weighed about 220, with blonde hair and "piercing" blue eyes. He was dressed in jeans and a Hawaiian style shirt and had accosted the victim with a kitchen knife. For my part, I am 5'8", weighed at the time about 175, have brown eyes and had brown hair. BUT... I did own a Hawaiian shirt AND a kitchen knife! Therefore, I was the prime suspect in the case... ***** "Will you unlock your car please?" one of the officers asked me and I climbed to my feet and followed him outside. Opening the trunk and the drivers door, I stood by while his partner rifled through the items in my vehicle. "You know, you never even asked me where I was," I told the cop. "What do you mean?" "I mean not only do I not fit the description of the supposed attacker, but I have an alibi. I spent the night on the base," I informed the officer and gave him Phil's address and phone number. "Well, obviously the judge felt there was sufficient cause to sign the warrant," the policeman said indignantly. "Oh, yeah?" I asked, "Before or after you told him I was in the military?" “Don’t get cocky with me,” the cop said, “the military has nothing to do with this...” “Sure it doesn’t,” I spat back at him, “so just finish your search and get the hell out of here...” ***** As is the case in many military towns, the first suspects in any crime at all are the members of the armed forces. Surely no local would ever commit a heinous crime, it must be the low-life outsiders that pass through because of the base. This is even doubly difficult when there have been hard feelings between the federal and local governments regarding the base placement or such thing. It was not uncommon for the sailors and marines I served with to be harassed... for no reason... by the local authorities. Such was the case here... plus they knew that Lyla was involved in the local drug trade. On another occasion they WOULD arrest me on a trumped up charge to try to coerce her into going under-cover for them. This time they slammed the trunk of my car, gathered up their bags of "evidence" and left Lyla and I shaking and pissed off. "Oh my God," Lyla said as she held onto me, "I was so scared." "You were scared?" I teased her, "It was me they wanted to lock up." "No they wouldn‘t have; I knew you didn't do it and I knew we had been on base," she explained and took me by the hand and to our bathroom. There, inside the counter beneath the sink, was her home made crack pipe and a can of rocks. Now it was I who was shaking. If these incompetent cops had discovered that, my ass would have been in a sling... both with the local authorities and with the Navy. Lyla quickly bagged up the contraband and dumped it into a bag of garbage that I hurriedly took out to the dumpster. As I walked back inside the apartment, I looked across the apartment at our back door. We had a bar placed across it so you couldn't get out from inside or in from outside. I broke out in laughter at the incompetence of these local police. Just outside the door was our storage room. It was loaded with our excess furnishings and personal effects. It was locked. It had not been searched. For all the Keystone Cops knew, I had rape supplies... hell, maybe a couple of helpless victims... stored away for later use... of course I didn't, but you'd never be able to prove it by the local authorities. ***** Lyla was pissed. When Lyla got pissed, there was no telling what she would do. In this case, she marched over to the alleged victims house and verbally berated her for standing outside and seeing the cops searching our apartment and not stepping in to tell them I was not the culprit. It was not a pretty sight... and it was beautiful at the same time. It was something I wanted to do myself, but for obvious reasons, couldn't. It was always like that with us, though... you messed with one of us, you messed with both... As it happened, a couple of days later it was determined that the entire "attack" had been a hoax. The woman was distraught that her boyfriend didn't seem to give her enough attention and had fabricated the story... even lightly cut herself with a knife to add credence to the tale... in an effort to make the boyfriend start staying with her... The day the case was closed Lyla drove to the police station to demand our property be returned. She got the shirt and the knife. The gun was unregistered and so it was confiscated. Our toys were deemed "pornographic" and likewise kept. The local cops proved once again that they were among the most incompetent in our land. And Lyla and I had dodged another bullet. The rape charge would have never stuck, had they chosen to arrest me... but the close encounter with a drug bust did help steer Lyla back toward a clean and sober lifestyle... for a while...

What a tosser!!

Why did you bother Tosser, it's utter shite? Completely dull and predictable, quite the worst thing i've read on this site. You've bored me so much i'm no longer an insomniac. Good night's kip to look forward to..

PS. I haven't read any of the rest of your humourless drivel and if this was an example of your 'best' writing, won't ever feel the need to..some advice..shut it, you've got nowt worth saying, and don't stop taking those pills.

What you fail to realise p.o'mellette is that most of us just skip a post when it is too long or becomes boring. I did just that after reading the first line of your post entitled 'I figure Why Bother...' (I assume that is some kind of sentence construction I have yet to come across in my vagina deprived life). You really are more stupid than I thought... and yes, to avoid the insult, I confess that the last vagina I touched was indeed that of my my mother. Does that make you feel superior to me? Does that satisfy the pre-pubescent 'I'm a better f.ucker than you are' syndrome from which you appear to be suffering? It counts for nought. Unless you are under 8 (mentally). Even your insults are pathetic. They hurt no-one and are without an ounce of wit. Still, if all my uncles were called Billy-Bob and my mother were called Billy-Jo, no doubt I would be posting the same inane trite shite. If I could distinguish my cousins from my brothers ahh guess ahh might juss figure Why Bother. (can you hear the banjos playing in harmony and speed escalent?) Thread ferret is correct. Unfortunately, like many others, you fail to see your own shortcomings (pun intended) and post away thinking you are oh so clever and yet, without realisation, you expose your inadequate self to the forum promenaders who, rather than recoil a la 'quelle horreur, qu'est-ce que ca? ... vite! Alerte La Gendarmerie!' and stare in bewilderment at the shrivelled intellect before them, simply take the p.iss. Keep posting p.o'mellette. I haven't had so much fun since my band and I rechercher pour la thingy perdu. a bientot, votre amis (brother of Martin) Bono

Which Bono are you really; Chastity? Aside from your witty slandering of my name, there has been "nada" of worth from your "mouth" or fingertips... You'd be far better off seeing if you mama would indeed take you back... And my friend, I have to wonder at the intellect that keeps coming back and says that it's entertaining with one breath and then with the other says that nothing I have said nothing that carries "wit"... if my "words of wit and wisdom" do nothing for you, why bother? But then I assume you have little to offer the world aside from the snide comments here in this forum. Over the course of these little word-wars, I have posted several; shall we say "less controversial" pieces and have written several newer works that are being doled-out to the more prominent and promising writing site to grace the UK... Your nation hasn't won a war against America or an American since the "Boston Tea Party"... don't think yourself capable of it now... By the way, I hear Di's body is not in the tomb... put her back when you're done... Cheerio my good chap...

see what I mean folks? now he turns it into a playground 'war' between our nations (I'm bigger than you are nee ninny nar nar) when it is really a conflict between intelligent posts and his own. You should check your history paul. you only won the war of independance because the french (our old enemy whom we now lurve) joined in on your side and dicked us - with knives -royally. don't confuse economic might with intelligence paul ... please don't ... you might become a better writer when you get a grip on this simple fact. remember ... the twin towers were brought down by so called illiterate rag heads ... not another superpower ... and for you to associate your intellect with the economic might of the USA is sadly way off the mark ... a bit like your armed forces - it saddens me to say - as british troops deploy to do what yours could not. keep talkin' my banjoed good buddy. Bono

ha ha ha ha ha nice one Bono! I especially like my banjoed good buddy, and rather than recoil a la 'quelle horreur, qu'est-ce que ca? ... vite! Alerte La Gendarmerie!' ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....... :)

I see the salad is still shootin' off his mouth. Pity he has no "live" ammunition...

Blimey, you buggars make me sick to be called a Brit! Leave the poor chap alone! It's obvious to all but you that you're simply jealous of his talent! Now off with you! Go study writing and come back when you can post something intelligent!

Giving One and Two stars to writing that is so obviously superior to your own is damn near painful to witness... not for my own sake, but for the sake of us all my fellow profesional writers... you people are a joke; but the punch-line has proven stale and pathetic... go get a life or better still, show some of those rumored British good-manners and shut the hell up!

Is that my old friend Jack? Geeze, he's gonna kick your asses!!! It's nice to have low friends in high places!

4 posts in a row paul ... well done! By the way ... I haven't read your unionjackschit ... but you've just made yourself look more stupid than I portrayed you to be in my earlier posts. d'yer evah hear thuh one abaht thuh dawg in the saloon? walked in with a laimp he did. there was a sihlence. hevryone loohked at thuh dawg then at thuh sherriff. heah juss nodded to thuh barkeep. thuh barkeep said 'sorry we don'e sierve dawgs' but the dawg said 'hell barkeep, ai don'e wanna doggone drink ahm juss looking fer thuh guy that shot mah paw' diddy ding dang dang dang dang dang dang... deliverance. bonio

Why bonehead, what EVER are you yammering about now? You don't think I'd stoop so low as to take a page from your playbook, do you?

no, i don't use crayons. bubbye

"show some of those rumored British good-manners and shut the hell up!" The words Kettle, Black and Pot spring to mind for some reason. And for your information, Paul, when compared to Americans, the British aren't exactly known for good manners or pleasant greetings. However, we're doing a lot better than yourself at the moment, aren't we?

I MUST SUPPLY A MESSAGE

all is calm, all is bright