Punctuation by Dair

very musch? Gosch.

bollocks :o))

I read the first six or seven parts or so. It was pretty interesting. I would only comment that it would be better with some paragraph breaks, which can be done by putting a blank line between paragraphs.

it's very long (by my standards). wouldn't you say it's getting close to being a novel?

Dare I say. Liana's recommendation can do strange things to people. They get one into dangerous moods ... :-)))

I don't often give up on anything but I found that this one just didn't hold my interest. The beginning is okay but after a few sections it begins to sort of wash over you and your attention wanders. I think I have to agree with seannelson: punctuation is just what it lacks. The quoted speech where there is a change of speaker taking place without a line break makes the text very dense and hard to read. I found it a constant effort to remember who was supposed to be speaking. Maybe it's just me. I think I need a strong coffee. Sorry. I'll shut up now.

I thought it was okay but fairly heavy going to read. I agree that it needs better punctuation, and maybe a bit of editing down. Develops quite a good atmosphere though, and I could imagine all the scenes happening.