stacyt - ...nebulous portent

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Wed, 2006-05-17 11:55

http://www.abctales.com/story/stacyt/a-linear-equation-of-nebulous-portent

Interesting, unsettling, comic in places I thought this a good story. I liked the numbers in it - though it did remind me of Joel's story from a month or so ago which described the couple and how many times they had done things. But in this story it's twisted to become sinister and opressive, wheras in Joel's story it reiterated the couple's love.

I'm not sure about him being dressed in women's clothes. It seems quite a cliche to have a man in woman's clothes having murderous intent... but that's just my opinion. I liked the tone towards the end where the woman is begging for her life and the husband doesn't hear that, but only hears what he wants to here. Good writing because we can see what she really means, even though he is unable to.

Wed, 2006-05-17 12:25

fergal

p.s. just read rewrite and think I liked the 'Why else would she whisper, â€œpleaseâ€ so many times and offer to do anything for him' ending better....

Wed, 2006-05-17 16:57

stacyt

Thank you. Very nice words. It's funny you say that you preferred the first version because that was actually an error on my part resulting in the last chunk of the story being cut off. It happened to another of my stories, too, but Tony fixed them both (thanks!). Yours is an interesting perspective and one I hadn't thought of before. I'll have to spend some time looking it over again. As far as it being cliche, that was intentional and I've found that some like it that way and some don't. I still haven't decided if I like it that way or not. Thanks again!

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." -- Brendan Francis Behan

Mon, 2006-05-22 17:27

monte

This was a fun read & I enjoyed it alot, the ending was right on target & speaks volumes about gender differences. Humor is a hard genre to do well. I think you've done a wonderful job with this one.

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