Insertponceyfrenchnamehere

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I have 17 stories published in one collection on the site.
My stories have been read 427721 times and 170 of my stories have been cherry picked.
1962 of my 14,018 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 2010 votes

1962 of my comments have received 2010 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

right, you have a fantastic

Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014

right, you have a fantastic ending with this Denzella, and your plot is really developing nicely. Again, you need to work a bit on the dialogue (sorry to go on about it!). Too much with nothing to break it up makes it lose authenticity

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Posted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Ten - 1177 Words - Updated

1 Vote

this needs a bit of work - it

Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014

this needs a bit of work - it rambles a little - definitely worth an edit though - fantastic piece of writing!

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Posted in Upon My Arrival

1 Vote

well, this is very nicely

Posted on Tue, 17 Jun 2014

well, this is very nicely done - compelling narrative, strong plot, no waffle - I look forward to the next part!

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Posted in The Man Who Couldn't Stay Dead. (Part 3)

1 Vote

I really like the repetition

Posted on Sun, 15 Jun 2014

I really like the repetition in this piece

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Posted in Look Out

1 Vote

‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just

Posted on Sat, 14 Jun 2014

‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just that one typo, which should be forgiven really, considering how wonderful all the rest is - thank you so much for part two! - now come back to England again soon for one of the readings. I will make the sandwiches...

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Posted in Unbounders Away 2

1 Vote

I haven't read/seen crashed,

Posted on Sat, 03 May 2014

I haven't read/seen crashed, but I enjoyed this piece very much. If I had one small suggestion, it might be that perhaps it needs a little narrative linking the passages together - maybe some more clues for the reader? I hope that helps - do post...

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Posted in Falling

1 Vote

Very much enjoyed this!

Posted on Sun, 27 Apr 2014

Very much enjoyed this!

Two small typos:

"Uncle Gunder, a renown physicist"

"Sunday’s just got more interesting. " (unless of course you actually mean only that one Sunday)

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Posted in The Broheim Men

1 Vote

this is looking better too!

Posted on Mon, 31 Mar 2014

this is looking better too! One more tip (and it's something I always do): in the dialogue, once I've written it, I always go back and make sure I've abbreviated things in the way one would if one were talking - I've, it's etc etc. It makes...

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Posted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Three

1 Vote