The Dog Crazies

When you’re out and about, getting in your 8000 steps, you are liable to cross paths (if not swords) with the crazy that is the dog lover.  Not all dog walkers are dog lovers, but when they have their dog in a pram, take my advice, don’t make eye contact.

Have come to the conclusion that many dog lovers have a dog for the sole purpose of seeking attention.  This is not restricted to the senior dog lover, many of whom are the worst offenders for not ‘picking up’.  The younger breed of dog lover is just as dementing.  Take the other day, sitting on the beach, reading my book when this thirty-something person appeared.  Her dog-lover appendage was on one of those automatic reel-them-in leashes.  Her modus operandi for peak attention-seeking, was to walk up behind someone sitting on the beach, cast off the leash like an angler, and when her short fat hairy-legged annoyance (wouldn’t be surprised if its name was Eric), tried to lick the startled victim’s face, she would chant the following singsong script,

“Sooorray”, (in the manner of one who is not sorry in the slightest, or only at how long the dog took to accost her target)

“He likes to say his hellos”. 

This said while grinning in the manner of a fairground clown-head you throw ping pong balls into.

She did it first to a young lad sitting down the beach, and then to one sitting near him.  I fired an over-the-glasses warning glare.  Undeterred, it took her about twenty minutes to circle behind me and let the leash out until her dog gave me the fright of my life.

She started chanting her sorrying, but I cut her off and she got her head in her hands.

My bark is my bite.