ABC Family

oh i just realised who hovis is ... she is the one who married into your inlaws family and represents the one person at THEIR family parties that you really like and contrive to sit next to ... (remember those penguin poems hovis???)

*brings in another crate of wine for Tolly* *takes out two empty ones,notices supply of jaffa cakes are running low*

That was one of the nicest (and possibly spot-on) things anyone has ever said about me, Fish. Liana is elder sister's best friend, full of cool glamour, flat bottle of MadDog2020 in her handbag, drives a Triumph Spitfire and who grins at you if she catches you looking at her black bra-strap.

Now...who's idea was it to play naked charades?...Granny...no...no...NOOOOOOOOO! [%sig%]

*knits in deckchair looking slightly purse lipped*

Fredra I have never suspected you of even remotely trying to offend me in anyway ever and thats honest more like the other way round I would say because I know its in the past and of cause thats how I would like it to stay but I feel the only thing I have ever! got totally wrong on here and was sooooooo out of order was that thread I put on to you and even though I wrote my heart felt apologies at the time believe me when ever I see a post with your name come up I agonize about it all over again and say to myself how could I ever have presumed or dared. To go on to the bit about mutton dressed up as lamb yes I can also go along with that at times but deep down because its always the way I have dressed and made up I still think I look good and happen to think some of todays clothes look quite tatty and not at all smart apart from the shoes as their are some really lovely shoes in the books and shops just wish I could still wear those really high heels how times change...

Fishy....who was it that we had as bouncer at Ta Chucks?

I have trouble with those high heels too, Kath.

Fish, that knitted scarf is not going to cover your particulars. [%sig%]

I've been busy cultivating an aura of mystery and potent sexual magnetism. Subtly, I have been dropping hints and fanning the flames of rumour to bring to birth the persona known only as 'Tajhayer'. With this I hope to create an internet mythology that will break through into the 'real' world and result in my ascension as benevolent ruler of the universe. In the meantime, I've been busy completing an MA in Creative Writing.

its not a scarf ... its a GAG ... now then liana ... who was that lovely boy ... sort of exotic name as i recall ...

well done taj... was it easy? *smiles* And get that dicky on too.... you are needed.

Taj Heyer was it?

taj ... that's the chappie ... shall i give him a call???

Mmm.. where IS taj these days??

don't know ... shall we kill the fatted calf just in case???

Next to Mahal? *Hands Granny fish's gag* Sorry was it meant for me? [%sig%]

Any one for cold Turkey?

I'm not cold Flashy...and please don't call me that infront of the others, or Granny will try stuffing me and shoving me in her oven.....urggghhhhhhhh! *winces and throws up* [%sig%]

...and there's me thinking I'm the one that just doesn't fit in....always looks slightly awkward or alien.....must be cos my work colleagues are all THE FREAKIN IN-LAWS!!! thank you for your words of comfort dearest Fishy Aunt..and I see you and Aunt Liana more as fiesty flirty gals not remotely interested in knitting needles... and what about dearest d.beswetherick - I would imagine he's the academic looking second cousin that brings to mind Mr Bennet who drops intriguing teasers and often smiles to himself.

..and I do do remember the penguin poems - wish they were on tape - also bread poem

I love the dawson barraclough image. roper26 would be the distant family member you think you know but you're not really sure who he is. shackleton is your third cousin twice removed and the only one to stand up when the queens speech comes on. creeky is your grandad george who sits quietly in the corner chair stroking a cat but after thirteen cups of punch suddenly leaps up and shouts at everyone else for being drunk. sabelle is tomboy auntie jane who takes all the little ones outside for a game of footie and slips over showing her knickers... which was filmed by her husband, flash (your uncle ron) on his camcorder having just been told off by the hostess for making smutty remarks to her daughter but who doesn't care because he knows he has just made £250 on the next series of you've been framed. speaking of which, here is uncle arthur (mississippi), fresh out of jail "it wuz a stitch-up, lemme tell you)

Thanks for remembering me Stormy, but do i have to be married to Sabelle?

yes.

What have i done to you? jeez!!

ok flash, you can be divorced then, but only if you come up with some ideas for this thread based upon your observations on peoples characteristics... no, no, that's wrong, audrey will come along and break all your pens for writing from personal experience.

Jay can be the prudish Granny, who gets filthy drunk at family parties and then sings dirty songs in cockney rhyming slang.

Erm hello everyone

Suppose this makes me a long lost cousin or something.

*rubs eyes* taj ... is that REALLY you??

Well. I'm utterly disgusted. Why do I have to be married to Flash the scum loving cat man? & I always wear jeans so the kids can't see my knickers

Taj darling..... here is your little black dicky bow... get to work lovie would you?

*starts making fatted calf fritters* gosh its good to have you back ...

d. bes would be i think some sort of eccentric favourite ... bolted onto the family and always has been although nobody knows quite how ... he would be listened to for his wisdoms and indulged in his eccentricities to a degree that each family member would find boggling ... and yet dear bes would also be somehow slightly apart from the main proceedings looking up a chimney, possibly, or looking forward to being older ...

Don't Worry Belle Stormy granted us a divorce on the grounds of you showing your tattoo to everybody on the North Bank, which was fine except for the fact i haven't seen it yet.

Exactly what I was thinking. A sort of Godfatherfigure (not the horses head sort, the spiritual leader sort)

well, I have always thought of you two as two aunties who like to knit and comment. Kind of Les Dawson and Roy Barroclough. Not a bad thing in my book at all. Bless you both

*adjusts bosom*

steve gardiner is dad's rakish younger brother, who mum secretly fancies and you had your first teenage crush on...

LOL this thread made me laugh.. I needed a giggle tonight;)

now andrew pack is the serious and studious cousin coming from the better half of the family who is held up as an example to you but who you realise has a dark rebellious streak ...

mark brown is your sisters boy... who you try to feed up cos he is so ethereal and vegan looking.... you try to slip him a bit of ham disguised as lettuce in his sandwich to get some colour in his cheeks...

pass me the number 6 needles would you liana?

mark yelland brown is the second cousin twice removed who always embarrasses everyone by trying to flog The Watchtower at family parties

*slings knitting bag at fish and goes off to peer through the (spotless) nets in the front parlour*

freda is a marvellous exotic and barking mad sister in law who comes to family do's wearing mini skirts and fishnets and big boots and looks a bit wild ... and you can always rely on her to say something interesting which will stir people up a bit ...

Ralph is the arty cousin whose love life shenanigans has given your auntie julie bad nerves

I'm not a granny but if I'd started with the baby making earlier I could have a 14 yr old great grandson instead of just a 14 yr old son by now. (it took me ages to work out the sum) And if I was a gran or a great grandmother and read the ageist remarks on this thread I'd get really mediaeval with some tatting needles.

*eyes fish's tension admiringly*

*casts on* yes and makes uncle kev mutter about leather and camden passage