Drug Free Zone

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Drug Free Zone

Drug testing of employees is increasingly popular in the states, according to a story in the Wall Street Journal.

Kevin Brodsky, president of Buchanan Brodsky Enterprises Inc, a Florida based company that operates 19 car deal partnerships and has a staff numbering approximately 1,000, has made testing a core element of his business. Brodsky became suspicious after the standard urine testing of staff was not getting any results. He hired an agency, Global Detection & Reporting Inc to examine offices.

Global Detection is different because it uses a new drug wipe, which involves brushing desks, monitors, telephones, kettles, with a tool that resembles a home-pregnancy testing kit. The person Brodsky chiefly suspected of using drugs, who worked in finance, was shown to have traces of cocaine in his office. The man confessed and Brodsky sent him on a rehabilitation programme, and later rehired him to work in sales.

Brodsky bought the drug wipe kit for himself. Once a week he calls the reformed employee into his office and, just to ensure there haven’t been any lapses, he rubs the tip of the drug wipe tool across the employee’s forehead.

“We’re going to cut this off at the pass,” says Hugh Sides, the company’s chief executive. “We would like to be able to say that we have a drug-free environment.”

Why the sudden increase and demand for extra testing of staff by employers in the states? It’s a response to the Sept 11 2001 terror attacks, of course.

[%sig%]

S. Oporific
Anonymous's picture
Darts? Damn, I forgot to bringeth any.
ivoryfishbone
Anonymous's picture
prithee good sir ... do you not have some downeth your hose?
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
Just about. Why are you shouting?
jude
Anonymous's picture
awake
S. Oporific
Anonymous's picture
Not me good madam... forsooth, my britches are stuffed with spliffeths.
ivoryfishbone
Anonymous's picture
forsooth then i may have been mistakeneth ... i could have sworneth i saw a small prick ...
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Like it. Was that really me, must be better than I thought.
jude
Anonymous's picture
nothing like a glass of merrydown, a good thred and a pint of merrydown on a thursday night
ivoryfishbone
Anonymous's picture
judeth ... step away from the mead ...
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
Whilst we're chatting nicely did anybody watch 'The Other Boleyn Woman,' the other night?
S. Oporific
Anonymous's picture
*thread crashes*
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Now where is Liana (my poetic muse).. that would completeth the witches trio...
stormy
Anonymous's picture
did someone mention the AA?
S. Oporific
Anonymous's picture
Maybe she is considering where to put her broomstick at the next event Mr. Spider?
ivoryfishbone
Anonymous's picture
have you had a breakdown storms?
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
That is too kind... I mean.. we could take turns right?
stormy
Anonymous's picture
I think I might be about to
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
I could compose you a poem Stormy if that would help.
stormy
Anonymous's picture
no, no it's ok. I'm sure I'll pull through by reading one of Baldrick's ... the one called The German Guns Boom boom boom boom Boom Boom Boom can you guess tha last line?
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Boometh Boometh Boometh..
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
er....Boom Boom Boom
stormy
Anonymous's picture
well done flash. have a free RAC membership
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Hey! I was pretty close too. What do I get?
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
Excellent....don't i need a car for that?
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
RAC (Really Annoying C**t) membership... do previous winners have to pass it on then Stormy?
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
Charming.
stormy
Anonymous's picture
do you have a problem with me at the moment spider? you called me mr angry the day even tho' you called it completely wrong. I didn't reply and rub your nose in it and now you start on the c**t jokes ... hmm ... now let's see who has made the most angry posts in the past eh? anyway, i prefer the AA. Much nicer outfits
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
No problem at all Stormy... it was a crude attempt at humor... not meant seriously at all. Funny how posts can be misconstrued, eh?
S. Oporific
Anonymous's picture
Barfeth
stormy
Anonymous's picture
*pours another glass of wine* Can't stand drugs me
Flash™©
Anonymous's picture
*gives Stormy RAC membership back, he might find a worthier recipient*
stormy
Anonymous's picture
*sends it straight to gerry* (via the sewer system to his bog)
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Ok... just this once I will take the award, but I won't hold it for long.... now where is Greco when you need him? Is that not funny? not fair but funny? Pah I'm done with this humour thingeth. I think I will go back to the sermons which suite me better.
mississippi
Anonymous's picture
Oh, hello chaps, anyone want Trebor Extra Strong mint?
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
George! And at your age too! Psst. Do you have a car? Could send you a road haulage membership thingy for your birthday if you wish...
stormy
Anonymous's picture
gerry, yes, that was funny. have a toblerone.
mississippi
Anonymous's picture
My secrets out. I've been addicted to Trebor Extra Strong mints for 35yrs now, I estimate I've taken 70,000 of them over the years, and I got off on every single one of 'em. I've never belonged to any of those 'club' things gerry, thanks all the same. I've always had a box of spanners in the boot and fixed my own cars. A packet of peppermints would go down a treat though. Preferably not delivered through the sewer, it makes them so sticky.
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
Stormy.. you are only saying that to keep me away from the sermons... HO. Ho. Talking of sewers... where is that **** fellow again.. Oh. Done this one already... I think I shall retire gracefully now. George, as soon as ABC install the Trebor Mint Button... one pack shall wend its way to you (You shure you don't want some charlie instead... )
hitch
Anonymous's picture
missi icon fess totre borex trast rong add ictio ntoo THEY'RE JOLLY GOOD MINTS!
mississippi
Anonymous's picture
Glad to know that like me, you're a con a sewer of mints too Eddie. Those people that survive on Polos don't know what a real mint is. The only charlie I'd be likely to desire Gerry is one of the angel variety. I don't really drink, don't smoke, don't take drugs (unless prescribed) and rarely go out with women. In fact I'm such a boring bastard I think I'll OD on Trebors.
chooselife
Anonymous's picture
fisherman's friend anyone?
mississippi
Anonymous's picture
Who's the fisherman?
Mark Brown
Anonymous's picture
If they tried that in most offices in Britain, I suspect there would only be about three working people left in the entire country. Imagine it, the advertising industry would crumble. There would be no-one left to host our children's programmes. The sports fields up and down the land would be empty on a Saturday... It would be terrible. I hope Tony doesn't get any ideas.
jude
Anonymous's picture
...I agree I think an employer should only be concerned with what directly affects an employee's performance at work. (some would argue that subtle things like mood change will affect work and all drug users will spill effects into work place- that would have to extend to alcohol as well) If this boss guy suspected the employee of taking drugs then its obviously a serious problem for it to have been noticed. And traces of coke in the office are very bad. Very different from the hard working guy who enjoys a line with a few pints on a Friday.
mississippi
Anonymous's picture
Sounds pretty good to me. I'd have my pick of the available jobs. Err..do Trebor Extra Strong mints count as drugs?
jab16
Anonymous's picture
Trust me: It's only a matter of time before the aforementioned Mr. Brodsky is himself carted off in handcuffs and charged with being the mastermind of the largest drug cartel in Florida. As a business owner in Florida, and presumably a Republican, he is sure to fall victim to the mindset, "Do as I say, not as I do." Though, admittedly, finding traces of cocaine in an employee's office is pushing the limit. At least Mr. Brodsky was "decent" about it, even if swabbing the rehired employee's forehead on a weekly basis is just...well, tacky. And what kind of an oaf would submit himself to that? Does he slobber and wag his tail during the whole process, talk about football, ask about the kids? Creepy. I bet the boss and employee get their kicks the old-fashion way, by drinking themselves silly and harassing tired waitresses at such reputable institutions as "Hooters."
Paul Greco
Anonymous's picture
*shivers* Still, I'm quitting at the end of this academic year anyhow, and getting the sack would mean not having to justify giving up a sensible lucrative career to do god knows what.
marc
Anonymous's picture
I have to confess I have been thinking about that employee, summoned once a week - as you say, like a dog - to Brodsky's office. Clearly, the man's work / life balance wasn't quite right, but if the guy had a slither of pride left he would've taken a heroic cocktail of drugs and alcohol and floated into the office and watched Brodsky's evil contraption explode the nano second it touched his forehead, and then floated away, but not before explaining to Brodsky, in no small amount of detail, where that tester should be placed for safekeeping. I loved the fact it was standard for the staff to give urine samples. They sell cars, for chrissakes. If the tests were introduced over here, and they exist already in some of the major corporations, then the government would have to open the dole offices at weekends to cope with the numbers. And there would be no one on television, or the radio...apart from Jamie Callum, and Sir Cliff Richard, with Bruno Brooks DJ'ing. Gawd, imagine... As for traces of Mr Chang, well, I was told that a stash of dollar bills were randomly tested and every single note came up positive. But then the person who told me that is a moron, so undoubtedly that's not true.
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
I caught a bit of a Radio 4 phone in a couple of days ago... probably kicked off as a discussion on the de-cassification of cannabis. Left me seething with anger. Queues of middle class, middle aged 'liberals' who started their habits in the sixties and were now changing their minds about how harmful it has proven to be.... Too late for their children in many of the cases... having believed their own drug-addled mantras (harmless, better n alcohol etc) they allowed and even encouraged their children to build up strong habits from quite young.... now with their kids in their 20's they were already contemplating the wreckage of their lives from pyschotic episodes, paranoia to an inability to concentrate on and achieve even modest ambitions. What a waste of young people, who when they needed direction the most were let down by the stubborn bullshit philosophies of their parents ('course, it was not as strong in our day')... Glad that there is now a reasonable debate happening around cannabis and the truth is outing... it is shocking that so little long term research was conducted on the everyday use of this very debilitating (if abused) drug... it was never deemed a priority by the liberal establishment. Drug testing in work areas... a good idea. Anyone who carries their habit or the blatant effects thereof into work is abusing it IMO and puting others at risk. They of course should be offered help and/or removed if they are liable to cause others harm.
1legspider
Anonymous's picture
... and marc, the idea that there is anything remotely 'heroic' in doing lots of drugs even in humour is soo ludicrous... hmmm.. Perhaps it is funny in that incredulous pointy at incredible ignorance sort of way.

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